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Lounge => General Chat => Topic started by: SleepyD on March 29, 2011, 03:43:29 am

Title: Relationships
Post by: SleepyD on March 29, 2011, 03:43:29 am
Since it seems there's some interest to discuss this, I figure this is a better place to put it. (this sort of thread in other forums can get nasty at times, but I think we're all mature enough, yes?)

Quote from: Chocofreak13 on March 28, 2011, 06:30:15 pm
@master: you need to loosen up. staying that way can't be good for you. ;^;
@bells: you also need to loosen up. staying that way can't be good for you, either. =__=;

@stew, sleepy: romantic relationships are a double-edged sword; sometimes the person you like the most can be the most hurtful.
when picking blackberries, you may not get them all. even when you grab on to one and don't get it, it was still worth the try, because if you go for it and it doesn't fall out of your grasp or fall apart in your fingers, it will be so sweet, it will have been worth the thorns. -w-

"You'll never win the game if you don't play," right? heh And there are always winners and losers I suppose.
Well, so far, anyone that has caught my eye is already taken.  So I'll keep looking around. heh

Quote from: Bella on March 28, 2011, 09:49:17 pm
There's no terror involved; it's just that I tend to be possessive/loyalty-demanding in friendships and I can't imagine I'd be any different in a romance. Throw in my general trust- and abandonment-issues and it's easy to see how that could be a horrific, emotionally-scarring experience. >>

Hm... possessive is okay. 
I can't speak for your situation bells, but everything just needs to be moderated somehow. 
Going to an emotional extreme can easily drive someone away.  And many times, people don't realize that what's extreme for one person isn't extreme for the other.  Chalk it up to incompatibility or work a compromise.  You win some you lose some.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Red-Machine on March 29, 2011, 04:19:53 am
I've not had any relationships to speak of.  Mainly due to my lack of confidence (i.e. not feeling like asking someone out), rejection issues and the fact I just don't like forcing myself on people (which is the main reason I don't talk to the people I used to know, I figure if they wanted to talk to me or meet up with me, they'd ask).

Quote from: Bella on March 28, 2011, 09:49:17 pm
There's no terror involved; it's just that I tend to be possessive/loyalty-demanding in friendships and I can't imagine I'd be any different in a romance. Throw in my general trust- and abandonment-issues and it's easy to see how that could be a horrific, emotionally-scarring experience. >>


I would be the same way.  I'd want nothing more or less from my partner than I gave them.  Trust issues insofar that I'm paranoid all the time about stuff like that.  Abandonment issues, well, let's just say I've been abandoned by people in the past and it's not an experience I'd want to repeat.

Oh, something that I was discussing with a friend yesterday.  I'd also want a physical relationship too.  If my partner flatly refused to ever have sex with me, then I'd struggle to find reasons to maintain the relationship as it was.  If you don't have sex, you're just close friends as I feel it is an integral part of sharing your love with someone.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on March 29, 2011, 10:37:20 am
in order to have a relationship with someone, i need to be able to fully picture getting physical with them. if i can't even picture a peck on the lips, then it's a no go. ^^;

my past relationships have been a learning experience. out of 6, 2 were online, 3 did some form of drugs, and i'm still friends with 1. out of the 6, i only loved 1 (and he's not the friend ^^; ).
they were a rich learning experience. however, they all crashed and burned (i don't mean to  pick bad boys, it's just that good guys rarely sport ridiculously long hair ^^; ). i was dumped by 4 (badly) and the 2 i dumped stalked me for periods of time. .__.;

since i seem to be the most romantically experienced here (funny since i'm one of the youngest), i'd try to give you romantic advice, but since i always end up with extremists, i'm not sure how much help i'd be. :\

btw, am i the only one here who swings for both teams? :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Krizonar on March 29, 2011, 11:26:35 am
I'm in a relationship and I like it!
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on March 29, 2011, 11:30:29 am
Quote from: Minionswinging
Whatever tendencies I may have had in that direction were likely blown away in 9th grade when I learned that more than half of my year at school thought I was gay...which, considering I asked the thing as a joke on the bus, was a bit BIKKURISHITA WTFLOL.

As I've stated before, due to my snail's speed of picking up the vibes of my own brain on romantic matters, trains I've wanted to catch has generally departed twice before I get the idea of going to the station...yeah. -__-
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on March 29, 2011, 11:38:13 am
@master: poor dear. ^^; we need to give that section of the brain some caffeine. ^^

@kriz: nice. ^^
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Red-Machine on March 29, 2011, 11:41:32 am
I'm the same, I usually have to be told someone likes me before I realise it.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on March 29, 2011, 12:14:43 pm
to be honest, i'm like that too. >__< all but maybe 2 of my relationships were initiated by the other.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Paul on March 29, 2011, 12:54:29 pm
Unfortunately I've never really had a relationship though I really would like to have one.

I guess it's pretty much due to my somewhat shy nature (especially when being with someone I have a crush on). Also past experiences (I got rejected by EVERY girl I ever had a crush on) crushed my already weak self-esteem even more :/
And when I see my friends making out with their girlfriends, I often think "Somehow I'd also like a piece of the cake".
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on March 29, 2011, 01:21:12 pm
@paul: jealousy is normal when friends have people and you don't. it's also normal when a backstabbing bitch steals 2 boyfriends out from under you. >__<;

even if you've been hurt, you should still try. :3

@aurora: ouch, that sounds complicated. haven't heard anything that tricky in a long time. >__< in that situation, you gotta be more decisive and firm. i've had a relationship drag on because i seemed to make the guy happy. in the end, i ended it because i was feeling sorry for him, and i knew that was no basis for a relationship. :[

of course, this is just my advice/experiences, feel free to throw it out the window. ^^;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Paul on March 29, 2011, 01:29:55 pm
Hmm, I'm not really jealous but rather a little sad.
And yeah I suppose I'll try again. (Though it would be a great deal easier if the girl would initiate something, but most of the girls here want the guy to start things :/)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on March 29, 2011, 03:43:18 pm
Holy crap, a relationship thread. This shit is scarier than anything in the /H section by and far. -w-

I'm asexual/aromantic. The thought of physical or emotional intimacy with just about, well, anyone, tends to register somewhere from unpleasant to wretch-worthy on the DO NOT WANT Scale. Romance annoys the hell out of me too, I'd probably want to break a guitar over the head of anyone who wrote me a sonnet or love poem or showed up on my doorstep with flowers in hand, or in any other form tried to "win" my love or make themselves more appealing to me.

BUT!

There are exceptions to this rule, as indicated by the few people I've known and thought, "Hey, I would date-and-probably-eventually-hit-that." And by few, I mean very few, less than a half-dozen. In my life. Ever. Which, technically, puts me into demisexual territory, pandemisexual if you consider that I don't really give a damn about the gender of a potential mate, though the traits I find appealing are more common in men. AND: although there are people I'd date, I wouldn't really want a romantic relationship per se; I mean, I'd want their commitment to a relationship, but I wouldn't stand for maudlin proclamations of love and ostentatious gestures of loyalty and devotion. Marriage would probably be out of the question, children, never. Though "wise adults" have told me When you find the person you love, you'll want those things. Yeahhhhhh, right..... >____>;;

TL;DR, I'm a genderblind asexual/aromantic who would go demisexual in a relationship while retaining aromanticism, who basically only wants somebody I can trust and make happy and share a part of myself with, somebody to laugh with and love with and adventure with. Though I don't kid myself that I would be made happy by it - I would probably have fun but at the same time too paranoid about being abandoned to really consistently enjoy myself, but I'm like that all the time anyway. So it wouldn't exactly be new.

...
...


Quote from: Red-Machine on March 29, 2011, 04:19:53 am
Oh, something that I was discussing with a friend yesterday.  I'd also want a physical relationship too.  If my partner flatly refused to ever have sex with me, then I'd struggle to find reasons to maintain the relationship as it was.  If you don't have sex, you're just close friends as I feel it is an integral part of sharing your love with someone.


As an asexual I take offense to that - I know of many ace or part-ace couples that maintain deep romantic connections even without there being sex, and I'm sick and tired of the non-asexual assumption otherwise. >_____<

That said, if I was in a relationship (at least, with a sexual person) I'd want there to be sex; if it's enjoyable for me and enjoyable for my partner why not? (Okay, I can list dozens of reasons "why not", but that was more of a rhetorical question.) But in this case I look at sex like taking pleasure in a tasty meal or playing an exciting game - done for recreation and the enjoyment of both parties, not as some sort of mystical bonding experience or way to prove your love. -______-


Quote from: Aurora Borealis on March 29, 2011, 12:33:28 pm
I've never had any interest in relationships, but I was dragged into a relationship last year by a friend who turned out that he was in love with me. It was totally one-sided and I hated it; I just wanted to be friends with him, but I got trapped in it for some time because it'd make him happy, and I thought I had no say in the matter anyways, so there was also the fear of retribution...


That's horrible, Aurora. I'm glad you were able to make it out of the relationship and still be friends though...
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on March 29, 2011, 04:11:01 pm
Quote from: Broya, on the topic of intercourselike taking pleasure in a tasty meal or playing an exciting game

I'll keep this thing noted down somewhere. _W_
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on March 29, 2011, 05:26:48 pm
@bella: i agree on the notion of sex being romantic or w/e. sex is boring. the one time i've had it was thinking about someone else. :\ so i don't get the pomp and circumstance surrounding it. at this point, if i wasn't going for pure recreation with it, it'd be when i'm 28, hoping to gain children out of a one-night-stand.
i can see SOME romance with it sometimes, but saying that it's meant to be a mystical bonding ritual, well, i'd count that more as walking over hot coals together or bungee jumping together. :\

oh, and just for comedic effect, one of the times i come and get you over the summer, i'm gonna do what my friend russell did when he tried taking me out: show up on the doorstep with a traffic cone full of flowers. -w-
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: SleepyD on March 29, 2011, 11:29:49 pm
Quote from: Aurora Borealis on March 29, 2011, 12:33:28 pm
I've never had any interest in relationships, but I was dragged into a relationship last year by a friend who turned out that he was in love with me. It was totally one-sided and I hated it; I just wanted to be friends with him, but I got trapped in it for some time because it'd make him happy, and I thought I had no say in the matter anyways, so there was also the fear of retribution...

So it went on for 8 painful months, and it was doomed from the start. The breakup went waaay worse than I hoped it would. We're still friends now (thankfully!) and our friendship has recovered from that mess, but it still leaves a lot of questions I'm reluctant to ask, afraid to open up old wounds again.

Yes, when people come to me with relationship problems (I still am not sure why), honest communication is often the basic underlying problem. It doesn't matter what else they complain about, usually it's due to that little thing.

I'm glad to hear that you've made up! I'm one of those people that would just HATE leaving a relationship on bad terms.  I don't mind awkward, but knowing that someone out there hates my guts kinda hurts me inside.

Quote from: Bella on March 29, 2011, 03:43:18 pm
Holy crap, a relationship thread. This shit is scarier than anything in the /H section by and far. -w-

I'm asexual/aromantic. The thought of physical or emotional intimacy with just about, well, anyone, tends to register somewhere from unpleasant to wretch-worthy on the DO NOT WANT Scale. Romance annoys the hell out of me too, I'd probably want to break a guitar over the head of anyone who wrote me a sonnet or love poem or showed up on my doorstep with flowers in hand, or in any other form tried to "win" my love or make themselves more appealing to me.

BUT!

There are exceptions to this rule, as indicated by the few people I've known and thought, "Hey, I would date-and-probably-eventually-hit-that." And by few, I mean very few, less than a half-dozen. In my life. Ever. Which, technically, puts me into demisexual territory, pandemisexual if you consider that I don't really give a damn about the gender of a potential mate, though the traits I find appealing are more common in men. AND: although there are people I'd date, I wouldn't really want a romantic relationship per se; I mean, I'd want their commitment to a relationship, but I wouldn't stand for maudlin proclamations of love and ostentatious gestures of loyalty and devotion. Marriage would probably be out of the question, children, never. Though "wise adults" have told me When you find the person you love, you'll want those things. Yeahhhhhh, right..... >____>;;

TL;DR, I'm a genderblind asexual/aromantic who would go demisexual in a relationship while retaining aromanticism, who basically only wants somebody I can trust and make happy and share a part of myself with, somebody to laugh with and love with and adventure with. Though I don't kid myself that I would be made happy by it - I would probably have fun but at the same time too paranoid about being abandoned to really consistently enjoy myself, but I'm like that all the time anyway. So it wouldn't exactly be new.

I know someone who not too long ago had a big presentation on asexuality.  Due to distance and time I wasn't able to attend, but the problem I see is getting people to understand asexuality.  The vast majority of people will not be able to understand what it feels like to not have a sexual drive.  Without some sort of explanation, they'll probably be lost--not knowing where they stand in a relationship.  And... yeah, for some people, when they start questioning themselves, lots of CRAAAZY random things pop into their minds.  This often results in DRAMA.


On a different note, I may be a virgin, but I'm certainly not asexual.  Despite my outward appearance and my personality, the thought of sex crosses my mind multiple times a day.  But I probably have a bit more control (maybe too much?) on the expression of such thoughts than most guys I've met. 
Also, I'll admit to being a bit of romantic.  Although as opposed to just flowers or something, I'd probably do it in a much nerdier way. Like that dude who hacked a rom of Chrono Trigger and put in his proposal after leading the protag through his own little stage. (I'd probably not get anywhere near that level of epic nerd romanticism though haha) 

Quote from: Chocofreak13 on March 29, 2011, 05:26:48 pm
oh, and just for comedic effect, one of the times i come and get you over the summer, i'm gonna do what my friend russell did when he tried taking me out: show up on the doorstep with a traffic cone full of flowers. -w-

That's either a LOT of flowers, or one of dem small traffic cones. heh
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Krizonar on March 29, 2011, 11:33:11 pm
Hm, on the general discussion, I'm borderline overwhelmingly Romantic (I even have a surprise planned for toomarow, involving Godiva) , can't say I care for sex at all though, it just seems like a strange idea!

I'm not asexual, however.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on March 29, 2011, 11:34:06 pm
@sleepy: bit of both. -w-

(and i hate hacks, but i'd like to see that owo)

@kriz: hope it goes well ^^
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: SleepyD on March 29, 2011, 11:37:58 pm
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on March 29, 2011, 11:34:06 pm
@sleepy: bit of both. -w-

(and i hate hacks, but i'd like to see that owo)

@kriz: hope it goes well ^^

he posted a youtube video of it if you're interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_HMLvLB7b0
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on March 30, 2011, 12:12:47 am
ty -w-
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: stewartsage on May 11, 2011, 02:23:28 am
(http://i52.tinypic.com/2cxycg3.jpg)


Um, I'm supposed to put this post here because apparently no one realized Bells and I were an 'item'.  Despite her artillery barrage of subtle flirting and all.  So yeah.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on May 11, 2011, 02:35:18 am
My flirting was pretty blatantly apparent (just, not to anyone on this site) but I don't think they realized you reciprocated. Hell, even I didn't realize you reciprocated until a few weeks  a month several months ago. More or less. :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Pitkin on May 11, 2011, 05:21:16 am
Eh... it's not really to conflict with the "no one realized", but: "no shit, Sherlock?" ^^;;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on May 11, 2011, 07:54:26 am
To date, I've never had a girlfriend; not because I don't want one (Quite the opposite, really), but because I'm too nervous to go out and find one (My main thing is that I'm afraid that if I bring up something nerdy that I like, she'll run off on me). Also, it doesn't help that the youngest ladies at my work are old enough to be my mom; so I can't really meet someone through work.

Personally, I'd want a companion more than anything; someone who'd be there for the good times, the bad times, and my crazy adventures, with sex as more of a "bonus feature" than anything (I wouldn't mind doing it, but it's not really a major thing to me; unlike some people I used to know).
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Red-Machine on May 11, 2011, 08:16:16 am
I'm the same way, Pentium.  My major obstacles are confidence, and lack of ability to recognise when someone's interested in me.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Pitkin on May 11, 2011, 08:39:35 am
I've been wanting to post in this thread properly for a while, but I really have hard time figuring what exactly to write. ._.

So, as is common knowledge by now, I'm in relationship with Fedora-Tan since 2007 after knowing him since 2004, which is the longest and only physical relationship I've had. Our relationship started online, and before that I had had some other experiences online (even at OSC) as well, but those came to end mostly because of differing views on the usual issues and distance.

Being physical in general, uh, I've kissed three people and had sex with two. Too much information? ^^;

I used to have big self-esteem issues years ago, and part of those were because of not having anyone to hold hands with, or romantic crap like that. With hindsight I'm very happy though to not have been in relationships back then, as my issues were in fact very much elsewhere and it would've probably ended up very ugly had I drawn someone else into that as well. I was 20 years old when I was kissed for the first time, but at that moment it wasn't at all what I had wanted and I freaked out pretty badly.

I'm one of those annoying romanticism-driven and clingy people. I don't want to limit the other person, but I guess I can be pretty hard to cope with at times, unless the other person is just as clingy. I like doing small everyday things for the other to show my appreciation, but don't really expect them in return. ^.^

Oh yes, and I don't flirt. At least I won't admit it.

Sex, no comment on that here.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Red-Machine on May 11, 2011, 08:51:52 am
Yes, Pitkin-sama, I feel much the same way.  I think I'd be pretty clingy too! xP
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on May 11, 2011, 05:20:22 pm
Quote from: Pitkin on May 11, 2011, 05:21:16 am
Eh... it's not really to conflict with the "no one realized", but: "no shit, Sherlock?" ^^;;


Finally, someone who didn't horribly botch their perception rolls. *awards gold star*

Ehh. It was kinda frustrating, being CON-STANT-ly hit on and never having anyone notice that I liked someone else. Or if they did notice, never say anything/cut it out. Not that I'm one of those super-sensitive people who take any sign of romantic interest from someone else as a personal affront (well, I do if it's a stranger, very much so, but I don't really mind if it's coming from a friend) but later on it did start to grate on me. Sorta. At least everyone was really honest about it, though - I'd rather people be upfront about their feelings than keep them secret.

At the same time... that's one of the reasons I was never more upfront in admitting to liking Stewart-kun; I didn't want to put him in the same place that I'd been put in if he didn't like me back, or make anything awkward since I value his friendship...and frankly, I wanted to keep it mostly quiet since I'm private like that. Everyone knows now so there's no use... .w.;;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 11, 2011, 05:58:58 pm
@bells: i recognized that you liked stew LONG ago. however, he was much more subtle with his feelings, so i didn't realize he wanted to be more than friends with you.
damn, this means i'm gonna have to abandon the yuri fantasies i had about us.... :\

@gen-pop: as the most romantically experienced person here, i'm not going to go into detail about what's gone on. what i WILL tell you: i've had 6 boyfriends (2 online, idk if those count), was only IN LOVE with one of them (still am a bit, though i'm not super proud of it), first kiss at 15? (i wanted it to be romantic and stuff but that idiot i love just popped it on me when we were leaving the mall one time x3), shortest relationship was 8 days, longest relationship was 3 months (unless you count online relationships, not sure if i do anymore, in which case it's 1 year).

not gonna go into any more detail over the net. there's a few things i'm not proud of.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on May 11, 2011, 06:25:46 pm
@Red: I actually had a girl about my age at work interested in me late last year, and I was interested in her too; since I not only saw her alot, but we also worked the same shift and she did seem just a little nerdy. Unfortunately, by the time I was ready to make my move and get to know her over some hot chocolate, I landed that accursed 2nd part-time job in another department; which screwed up my schedule to the point I rarely saw her anymore, and she left the company shortly after.

That 2nd job ruined my life in more ways than that, unfortunately. The week of Thanksgiving, I had something to be thankful for; as I was relieved of my duties from that department and went back to being just an Equipment Orderly.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 11, 2011, 06:35:31 pm
@pentium: yay? i have a pair of stories about thanksgiving too, only both are depressing. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on May 11, 2011, 07:46:22 pm
Mine was depressing from when I got the 2nd job in late September until the week of Thanksgiving; when things finally started looking up.

Probably the weirdest part of all was that the day before I started that job (When visiting my mom's side of the family, who where staying together at a resort for the weekend), it seemed like there where warnings all around me that things where not going to end well with that job; right down to the song that was stuck in my head the entire day (Facade, by Disturbed; most notably the chorus, which went "For how long will you try; how long until you walk away? For how long will you hide the fact that you're in misery?")
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: zjhentohlauedy on May 11, 2011, 09:27:00 pm
wow you guys have a lot of exp

unlike me i guess, basically zero relationships, virgin, haven't even had a first kiss and all that etc XD

closest thing i have is a schoolboy crush >3>
like giving hand made cakes, chocolates and random stuff during valentines, Christmas  and birthdays >3>



Quote from: Aurora Borealis on March 29, 2011, 05:09:40 pm
I also hate the notion that 'sex is something people do to show they love each other.'

People show their love in various ways, even a simple holding hand or hug can show love, but for most i think sex is showing their love because it's not something you do with just anyone, well in most cases. unless you do then it's just sex >3> kinda like how if you're an antique collector and antiques are so important to you yet for others it's just old useless crap >3<



Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 11, 2011, 10:23:43 pm
love is awkward. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on May 11, 2011, 10:30:31 pm
That it is, Choco; that it is...
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 11, 2011, 10:31:35 pm
i found that out 6 times, and truly 1 time. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on May 11, 2011, 10:42:38 pm
I just discovered, looking on my Facebook, that one of my friends (A guy who fits the comic book nerd stereotype to a T) has somehow landed a girlfriend. Dammit; if even he can get someone, than why can't I find anyone?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 11, 2011, 10:45:42 pm
because there is a shortage of nerds in texas. you're living in the stereotypical american state; what did you expect? :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on May 11, 2011, 10:56:46 pm
Yeah; aside from that one at work that I missed out on, every nerdy girl I've met has already been taken
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 11, 2011, 10:57:55 pm
:\

nerdy girls are in shortage everywhere, my friend. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: zjhentohlauedy on May 11, 2011, 11:11:57 pm
Well Platinum there is the option of coverting girls into nerdy girls.

a lot harder but i'm guessing more fulfilling XD
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 11, 2011, 11:33:22 pm
ehhh, that's a bit too difficult to be worth it than it seems, unless the seed is already there. and if the seed is already there, it's likely to sprout on its own. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Krizonar on May 11, 2011, 11:34:51 pm
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on May 11, 2011, 10:57:55 pm
:\

nerdy girls are in shortage everywhere, my friend. :\

That's what Katarina says... and that she's happy to be one :P
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 11, 2011, 11:38:30 pm
me too, man. me too. -w-

(trust me, i look around at the "popular" types and think to myself, 'thank god i'm not that dumb.')
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Krizonar on May 11, 2011, 11:45:58 pm
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on May 11, 2011, 11:38:30 pm
(trust me, i look around at the "popular" types and think to myself, 'thank god i'm not that dumb.')

I think that sometimes (even though I am relatively popular), I think she's actually a bit sad about it herself. She gave me a heart felt talk about how she finds talking with other girls hard because they're... ditzy and stuff and just care about shopping and crap.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: stewartsage on May 11, 2011, 11:49:25 pm
I prefer to convert my women to one of the Chaos gods, more fun that way.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: zjhentohlauedy on May 11, 2011, 11:51:39 pm
well the thing is nerdy/geeky people like us don't bother getting to know those "dumb popular" people. so we end up generalizing a lot of em.

tho in most cases it is kinda true XD

then again i do believe the Nerd and geek culture is starting to get a bit elitist in a way. especially when dealing with someone new DX
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on May 11, 2011, 11:52:11 pm
Quote from: stewartsage on May 11, 2011, 11:49:25 pm
I prefer to convert my women to one of the Chaos gods, more fun that way.


....should I be afraid? >__________>;;;;;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Krizonar on May 11, 2011, 11:56:04 pm
Quote from: Bella on May 11, 2011, 11:52:11 pm
Quote from: stewartsage on May 11, 2011, 11:49:25 pm
I prefer to convert my women to one of the Chaos gods, more fun that way.


....should I be afraid? >__________>;;;;;

Did he say goddess?

no.


be afraid.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: stewartsage on May 11, 2011, 11:59:11 pm
Which is why I hate hanging out with smart/nerdy people most of the time, they're insufferable.  Give me pleasant company any day of the week, nerdy, popular, or what have you.  Helps to have a broad range of interests.

Quote from: Bells....should I be afraid? >__________>;;;;;


Not unless you're afraid to embrace Khorne.  He's a pretty nice dude you know.

Quote from: KrizDid he say goddess?

no.


be afraid.


Well to be honest no one's sure what Slaanesh's gender is, by the Emperor I hope Nurgle lacks reproductive organs, Khorne's a dude, and Tzeentch is a bird so..... maybe Bell's'd prefer that?  Besides, Madoka-kami is the only goddess for me.... and O Haruhi-sama (who might just be an aspect of Tzeentch).
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on May 12, 2011, 12:07:43 am
Quote from: zjhentohlauedy on May 11, 2011, 11:11:57 pm
Well Platinum there is the option of coverting girls into nerdy girls.

a lot harder but i'm guessing more fulfilling XD


Yeah; if I don't scare them off with my nerdiness from the start, that would be an option to consider
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on May 14, 2011, 02:50:45 pm
I don't feel more affinity toward techheads than other people (and there are a lot of annoying geeks out there; there're annoying people in EVERY field, but when you mix intelligence and annoyance the insufferably levels get cranked up to eleven). I don't really care about the interests, activities, beliefs or religions of my friends, it's much more important that they be open-minded and easy to get along with for the most part.

Quote from: stewartsage on May 11, 2011, 11:59:11 pm
Quote from: Bells....should I be afraid? >__________>;;;;;


Not unless you're afraid to embrace Khorne.  He's a pretty nice dude you know.


N-nice? He could've fooled me. >__>

Quote from: stewartsage on May 11, 2011, 11:59:11 pmWell to be honest no one's sure what Slaanesh's gender is, by the Emperor I hope Nurgle lacks reproductive organs, Khorne's a dude, and Tzeentch is a bird so..... maybe Bell's'd prefer that?  Besides, Madoka-kami is the only goddess for me.... and O Haruhi-sama (who might just be an aspect of Tzeentch).


...I googled all those. Annnnd now I know more about Warhammer than I did before.

Madokaism FTW >W< Though I'm more of a Unix-sama worshipper myself. .__.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: stewartsage on May 14, 2011, 03:25:01 pm
Quote from: Bells...I googled all those. Annnnd now I know more about Warhammer than I did before.


Hahaha!  I win again!

Quote from: BellsI don't really care about the interests, activities, beliefs or religions of my friends, it's much more important that they be open-minded and easy to get along with for the most part.

Quote from: AuroraTo put it simply, I just want to be with people who are pleasant to be around, nerdy or not. I have also had run-ins with insufferable nerds too.


What I was trying to say, but worded much gooder.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on May 14, 2011, 03:26:12 pm
>Chaos God
>Chaos + God

BUT IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY, SILLIES.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on May 14, 2011, 05:57:34 pm
One thing I did think of earlier is that, if you really break it down, it's not precisely a nerdy girl I want; more like, I want one who'd be accepting of the things I like, unlike some psychos I've heard about. I just figure, being a nerd myself, that it'd be a little easier for a nerdy girl to accept the things I like.

Now, if my rabbit was still alive, he could be my wingman; after all, nobody can resist a cute bunny
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 15, 2011, 12:37:58 am
as a tsundere, it's tough for me to get dates. not that i'd want a random date anyway, i hate random set-ups (they usually don't end well).

as for friends, i had/have a lovely group of friends from elementary school on. i used to try to trust people; after my last year of elementary school i cut that tie. i don't trust preps and people i don't know. if people look/sound/act like they haven't learned a thing after all these years, i don't want to have anything to do with them.

in high school, this was often true; people would want to associate with me because i was the "freak" or i was considered "cool" or "weird" so it was like bragging rights to say that you knew me. unfortunately, it was only bragging rights among people who didn't actually know me, but thought they did (i said once that half the school thought my name was heather). i used to hear kids brag about their drunken/druggie exploits on the weekends DURING CLASS. these same people would try to warm up to me; i'm proud to say that i gave them the coldest shoulder i could without being purposely rude.

i may be stereotypical, but around here, 9 times out of 10 the stereotypes are true.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on May 15, 2011, 01:36:13 am
Quote from: stewartsage on May 14, 2011, 03:25:01 pm
Quote from: Bells...I googled all those. Annnnd now I know more about Warhammer than I did before.


Hahaha!  I win again!


Yes. Yes you do. (You're really good at this jedi mind trick thing, aren't you?) >3>

And I can't imagine that anyone would choose friends solely on having the same interests - personality and just being enjoyable to be around is what's most important....

Quote from: Chocofreak13 on May 15, 2011, 12:37:58 am
as a tsundere, it's tough for me to get dates. not that i'd want a random date anyway, i hate random set-ups (they usually don't end well).


As a... mostly asexual/demisexual/single-target-sexual or whatever the hell I am... I could never "just date" somebody or be set-up. I think the only romances worth having are the ones that bloom from friendship... .w.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 15, 2011, 01:39:11 am
yeah. it's more natural that way. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Krizonar on May 15, 2011, 01:41:07 am
I don't even get the point of "just dating". If you don't really like each other, then whhhy?

If I'm going to date someone, I'm looking at it as a life partner perspective.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 15, 2011, 03:16:48 am
amen to that. but most people our age don't think in the long term. that's how we ended up with high enough teen pregnancy rates that we have to make shows about it. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Krizonar on May 15, 2011, 03:55:13 am
Yeah, I like Katarina and her long term thinking-ness.

I'm thinking long term too, so there's no doubt we'll be together for a long time.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Pitkin on May 15, 2011, 07:37:58 am
Quote from: Bella on May 15, 2011, 01:36:13 am
As a... mostly asexual/demisexual/single-target-sexual or whatever the hell I am... I could never "just date" somebody or be set-up. I think the only romances worth having are the ones that bloom from friendship... .w.


Totally agreed. Having a relationship with someone I wasn't friends with before sounds totally impossible. I cannot personally claim to like someone in an intimate way without first liking them in friend way.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: zjhentohlauedy on May 15, 2011, 07:45:52 am
i don't think it's even an option tothink of a long term relationship if that other person isn't a friend at first >_>
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on May 15, 2011, 10:37:53 am
The one thing I can't stand whenever the subject of finding a girlfriend comes up around certain people is that they try to tell me what kind of girl to go after; for example, my grandma insists I hook up with someone who's rich, because "You don't want someone that's poor". That annoys me; money means nothing in a relationship, but she makes it out to be the single most important thing
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on May 15, 2011, 02:06:56 pm
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on May 15, 2011, 01:39:11 am
yeah. it's more natural that way. :\


Hey, I was gonna say that in my post. (Well, I was gonna use "organic" instead of "natural", but close enough.) ^^

Anyway, it's good to see I'm not alone in that belief. Another upside of dating a friend is that it eliminates the need to find out what they like/what they're attracted to/lame pickup lines. x)

Quote from: PentiumMMX on May 15, 2011, 10:37:53 am
The one thing I can't stand whenever the subject of finding a girlfriend comes up around certain people is that they try to tell me what kind of girl to go after; for example, my grandma insists I hook up with someone who's rich, because "You don't want someone that's poor". That annoys me; money means nothing in a relationship, but she makes it out to be the single most important thing


That is annoying, but not exactly uncommon.... most parents would probably like to see their children to "marry up". It still should never be a motivation for being with someone, though. (My dad's *joked* I should find a rich guy - thankfully more of his romance advice involves telling me that when I find someone I love, I shouldn't let anything get in my way. Right before telling me a bunch of things that SHOULD get in my way.)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on May 15, 2011, 03:00:30 pm
@Bella: It probably wouldn't be as bad if my grandma was just joking that I should marry someone that's rich, but she's dead serious that I should find a rich girl (Which is the reason she didn't like my mom at first, according to my dad).

But hey; you can't pick your family, so do your best to tolerate them regardless of the things they do that annoy you; such as telling you what kind of person you should date, what you should do with your life, not turning on the A\C one summer...
(http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x283/The_Real_PentiumMMX/nbc_the_more_you_know1-300x197.jpg)
[/psa_mode]
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Pitkin on May 15, 2011, 03:06:40 pm
Quote from: PentiumMMX on May 15, 2011, 03:00:30 pm
But hey; you can't pick your family, so do your best to tolerate them regardless of the things they do that annoy you; such as telling you what kind of person you should date, what you should do with your life, not turning on the A\C one summer...


I haven't seen anyone in my family except my parents and brother for years. Can't get along with my grandmother. xP During the last three years it was also very close that the relations between me parents and I would be totally severed, but it's getting better by now. :/
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: stewartsage on May 15, 2011, 08:29:44 pm
No one in my family seems to particularly care who I'm in a relationship with when I am, though my grandmother does ask if I have a girlfriend regularly.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: zjhentohlauedy on May 15, 2011, 09:11:30 pm
both my brothers aren't in a relationship too XD and as far as i know they haven't had one at all yet. one's 29 and the other's 26 and i'm 22 XD

we're forever lonely =D
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on May 15, 2011, 10:00:39 pm
Quote from: stewartsage on May 15, 2011, 08:29:44 pm
No one in my family seems to particularly care who I'm in a relationship with when I am, though my grandmother does ask if I have a girlfriend regularly.


Random acquaintances/family members who don't know me very well occasionally ask if I'm "dating yet", like I'm a 13 year old girl or something. I usually just giggle and shake my head... it hasn't happened for awhile though.  .____.''

I get the distinct impression that dad doesn't want me seeing anyone until I'm in college, my brother doesn't give a damn and my brother's gf would probably be happy... and that they all suspect I'll never date anyone. <<;

And then there's this conversation I found myself in a few nights back:

"I bet you have a secret boyfriend."
"No..... I have a secret girlfriend."
"And that would be just fine with me!"

Gosh, thanks dad. >///>
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: zjhentohlauedy on May 16, 2011, 12:00:19 am
Quote from: Bella on May 15, 2011, 10:00:39 pm
it hasn't happened for awhile though.  .____.''


sounds like they've given up XD
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on May 16, 2011, 12:03:47 am
At work, aside from that one girl I felt I had a chance with but missed out on because of that damned 2nd job, the only other lady to show interest in me is almost old enough to be my mom (I wasn't interested in her at first because she seemed like a cougar, but when I heard she had a son about 2 years younger than me, I was even less interested; I don't do MILF). The only times I see any ladies in my age group are the nurses-in-training from the local collage, but they come and go so quickly that I never get a chance to get to know any of them.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: svx on May 16, 2011, 12:12:14 am
svxs wants girlfriend who

a)  likes anime
b)  plays Quakeworld
c)  is interested in entertaining a diplomatic role of high power after I conquer most of the world
d)  more anime stuff
e)  sometimes we will get drunk and toke up
f)  it's okay if she plays Minecraft too
g)  but she can't be smarter than me
h)  because that'd be weird
i)  and she needs to be impressed by my palace in Minecraft
j)  and help me farm TNT
k)  to strategically place beneath other peoples' structures
l)  mnopqrstuvwxyz

@bells  ...That conversation is hot

@ost/forum  THERE ARE NEW PEOPLE HERE AND THEY HAVE MORE POSTS THAN ME

If you love posting so much then why don't you marry it?
Newbies... :(
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on May 16, 2011, 12:16:23 am
Quote from: svx on May 16, 2011, 12:12:14 am
@ost/forum  THERE ARE NEW PEOPLE HERE AND THEY HAVE MORE POSTS THAN ME


I've actually been here since '08; although I was inactive from mid '09 until this past March
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 16, 2011, 12:19:12 am
Quote from: Bella on May 15, 2011, 10:00:39 pm

"No..... I have a secret girlfriend."


IS IT ME? >:3

my family doesn't usually care about who i do/don't date; being the youngest, i think alot of them still see me as "the baby". i've never had anyone in my family ask if i had a boyfriend/girlfriend to my knowledge. i get the feeling that if i told them i was looking for a girlfriend, they'd go into awkward-slience-mode. .___. (however i don't expect the announcement of "i'm looking for a boyfriend" to be much better. :\ )


@genpop: THERE ARE SO MANY NEW POSTS I CAN'T EVEN POST. >:[

@svx: it sounds like you want a nerdy bimbo, which isn't possible. :\
and if you're upset about new people having moar posts, try showing up more. :\
right now, i'm single and not actively looking. if something happens to roll my way, then yay. :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Krizonar on May 16, 2011, 12:30:38 am
Quote from: svx on May 16, 2011, 12:12:14 am
svxs wants girlfriend who

a)  likes anime
c)  is interested in entertaining a diplomatic role of high power after I conquer most of the world
d)  more anime stuff
f)  it's okay if she plays Minecraft too
i)  and she needs to be impressed by my palace in Minecraft
j)  and help me farm TNT
k)  to strategically place beneath other peoples' structures


I can see my significant other saying about all these things about me as well. :P
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 16, 2011, 12:44:37 am
i vote for a), d), i), j), and k). :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on May 16, 2011, 04:53:56 am
Quote from: Vodka-kunc)  is interested in entertaining a diplomatic role of high power after I conquer most of the world

Well thought, my boy, but I'm afraid the demon overlord has dibs on all manner of conquering available.


Also, secret gf @ bells? Lulz'd. -w-
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: zjhentohlauedy on May 16, 2011, 09:59:09 am
HMM A NERDY BIMBO.

sounds kinda like an oxymowrown =D

but maybe things happen *_*
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 16, 2011, 09:54:57 pm
@zen: no such thing.
@nej: and is there going to be a demon overlady behind the demon overlord?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: zjhentohlauedy on May 17, 2011, 12:49:04 am
lol i know XD
i don't even like bimbos. I want my girl to be pretty smart, i don't even mind if she's smarter than me in most things XD
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 17, 2011, 12:57:56 am
everyone has their strong points and weak points. though, when someone knows more than me, i feel like an idiot and tend to get a little upset. >.>;

but ya can't know everything. i don't know much about classical literature, but i can sew no problem. and i don't know much about fashion or current pop culture. :\ but i can talk for an hour about manet's art and fix a desktop computer in my sleep. :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Red-Machine on May 17, 2011, 04:23:37 am
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on May 17, 2011, 12:57:56 amand fix a desktop computer in my sleep. :3


This is a requirement for the future Mrs. Red.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on May 17, 2011, 07:52:58 am
Quote@nej: and is there going to be a demon overlady behind the demon overlord?

Not with the title. And conquering the world tends to get you enemies, so if there were, it'd increase my paranoia by several scales...
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on May 17, 2011, 08:06:32 am
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on May 17, 2011, 12:57:56 am
though, when someone knows more than me, i feel like an idiot and tend to get a little upset. >.>;


As long as they don't make me feel like a complete moron, I actually don't mind someone who's a little smarter than I am; for example, I occasionally have to pull out a dictionary to figure out certain words you're using, when usually I have to break out a dictionary to find ways to dumb down what I'm saying for most of the people who live in my hometown (I blew one's mind by saying "obscure". Perhaps it's a good thing I didn't say "egregious" in her presence...)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 18, 2011, 12:59:30 pm
@pentium: i'd better not come to your town.....most of the words i use are egregiously obscure. :3
@red: lol. and i found a use for burnt out desktops yesterday, so now i'm nerdy AND eco-friendly! >w<;
@nej: you shouldn't be paranoid of people that are on your side. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on May 18, 2011, 03:31:09 pm
I meant paranoid due to protectiveness. First thing someone does when trying to off an up-and-coming sovereign - go at their loved ones...it really is the oldest one in the book.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 19, 2011, 03:17:08 pm
aw, that's actually really sweet. :3

and if you picked someone who was just as badass as you, then there shouldn't be too much of a problem.

but really, that's one of the sweetest things i've heard from you. who knew. ^^


xD
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on May 19, 2011, 03:24:22 pm
I'm not much for sweet things...unless they contain sugar. ^^
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 19, 2011, 04:32:31 pm
am i to assume that you also partake in the consumption of sugar shots? :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on June 10, 2011, 11:00:04 pm
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on June 10, 2011, 08:12:59 pm
this might belong more in the "relationships" catagory, but what do you think about single people vs couples on long term happiness? can a person be single and happy for the rest of their life?
and for that matter, what about couples in sexless relationships vs those in 'normal' relationships?


It all depends on the individual. Regardless of sexuality, some people are perfectly content being single - other people, even those who AREN'T sexual beings, yearn for the close (romantic) companionship of others. (And of course there are people who want sex, but don't want romantic attachments.)

I'm certain that the majority of people, either sexual or asexual, want a significant other; but there are also people who don't want one, people who are ambivalent to the thought, and others, like myself, who only want an s.o. when they meet somebody whom they like and can imagine themselves in a relationship with.

The same is true for sexual v. sexless relationships - you can never say which one is happier, because it all depends on the people involved. A couple can have a happy, romantic relationship even if there's no sex (otherwise, how could you account for so many content elderly couples and asexual pairings?) - but at the same time, such a relationship would be hell for people who want a sexual relationship.

If you were to ask me the question "Could YOU be single and happy for the rest of your life?", I would reply with "Yes, if I didn't find somebody I wanted to be with. Otherwise, no." and if you were to ask me my feelings about being in a sexless v. sexual relationship, I'd repeat what I said toward the beginning of the thread - If I were with a sexual person, I'd personally be happier with the latter. I'm a pretty sensual person - I say this not in the oft-misused sexual sense, being "sensual" simply means being able to take pleasure in physical things, be it food, drink or touch - and if it's enjoyable for me and my partner, why not?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 10, 2011, 11:15:09 pm
jeez, i was only using that as an example there. wanted to continue the conversation. i'll go remove the post. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on June 10, 2011, 11:31:49 pm
Wait, huh?

How would that continue the convo in a thread about hentai fetishes/non-fetishes? :o
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 10, 2011, 11:56:57 pm
not sure if that was a fetish thread, anyway, since we already had a fetish thread.

and it could have applied to relationships in hentai. is hentai better when everyone finds someone? or can one of the characters be alone?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on June 11, 2011, 12:11:43 am
Ahh. Gomen nasai, I misunderstood you. (Especially when you mentioned that it should maybe be posted in "Relationships".) -w-;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 11, 2011, 12:13:06 am
i only said that because it didn't contain blatant sexual innuendo. it could apply to either topic. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Remilia on June 14, 2011, 02:47:33 pm
I didn't have any experience with relationships until I was 22 years old, when something suddenly happened, I had my first kiss and...other things happened. Within a year from that I had had a relationship of some kind with three people (one woman, two men), but somewhere during last year I had to accept that two out of those three I had to give up on (well, both of them are still my friends so that's a good thing). I'm hoping to continue the relationship with the third person, but I can find at least three things that could be a problem with that, one problem being the language...

Since the thread feels kind of monogamic here, I could also mention that I had a chance for polyamoric relationship earlier this year. The only problem for me was the lack of "chemistry": Even if I like both of the people in question and we have pretty much the same hobbies/interests/values, it just felt that it couldnt work out.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on June 14, 2011, 03:07:19 pm
I don't doubt that some people can have successful polyamorous relationships, but it seems like it would be very difficult in most cases, given typical human nature and the jealousy/mistrust it entails. For me it's always seemed like taking the difficulty of finding one suitable partner/maintaining a romantic relationship and multiplying it by x. ^^;;;;

That, and I'm a very pair-bonding person so the whole idea of wanting to have a relationship with more than one person at a time seems rather alien to my mind.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 14, 2011, 08:04:34 pm
i doubt i could be in a polyamorous relationship. i'm too jealous. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Remilia on June 15, 2011, 09:36:34 am
I could imagine it working for me with two partners, but with more people it'd probably get trickier. But I'd also be fine with just one partner. ^^

About jealousy: One of my friends that I now haven't seen for years, was really jealous of me hanging out with my other friends, I still don't know what was that about... Especially because she went out with her other friends too.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 15, 2011, 10:58:42 am
maybe she felt a stronger attachment to you. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on June 15, 2011, 03:56:18 pm
The only way I could pull off a polyamorous relationship would be if I really, really trusted that person. Otherwise, make mine monogamic
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: zjhentohlauedy on June 15, 2011, 08:46:25 pm
only polygamous relationship i can think of is having a harem <O>___<O>

But then with that kind only i win <O>___<O>
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Krizonar on June 15, 2011, 09:18:41 pm
I'm not sure if I got further into my relationship or not.

I took great care of her, she cried on my shoulder and I kept her safe and happy, but we didn't really talk about romance or do anything especially romantic, as far as that goes. We were too busy having fun for the most part to be concerned about it.

Though it was revealed she had a crush on me far before I expected and if I had pounced earlier, we might be in a (official) relationship right now, in fact.

I hope I didn't miss my chance. I just have to stay dedicated! I HAVE moved to best friend status, which means a lot.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: zjhentohlauedy on June 15, 2011, 10:04:21 pm
well i know a couple who has more fun rather than romance and they are pretty content D:


Besides being her best friend means you're closest to her heart :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Krizonar on June 15, 2011, 10:06:36 pm
Any couple can be romantic, true couples are silly...  :D

and true! she was so nice to me as I fended for her over the trip.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: zjhentohlauedy on June 15, 2011, 10:23:48 pm
yep.

usually overly romantic couples are love sick and that's what it is a sickness. it goes away after a while and they break up >3>
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 15, 2011, 10:36:24 pm
curious, how many here agree with me that the philosophy from the wedding singer "the little things are what's important"? i doubt i could date someone if a bunch of little things were off. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: zjhentohlauedy on June 15, 2011, 11:22:02 pm
well the little things are what makes your day to day. so yeah they are pretty much core >3>
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on June 15, 2011, 11:26:00 pm
I'd have to agree; the little things are important
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Krizonar on June 15, 2011, 11:29:46 pm
Quote from: zjhentohlauedy on June 15, 2011, 10:23:48 pm
yep.

usually overly romantic couples are love sick and that's what it is a sickness. it goes away after a while and they break up >3>

maybe that's what she's scared I am.

She'll just have to learn that's pretty much how I am throughout the relationship, all the way till they leave me.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 15, 2011, 11:41:25 pm
i'm more optimistic about that, since if both parties are into being SUPER-ROMANTIC i think it could work. :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: zjhentohlauedy on June 16, 2011, 01:29:05 am
Quote from: Krizonar on June 15, 2011, 11:29:46 pm
Quote from: zjhentohlauedy on June 15, 2011, 10:23:48 pm
yep.

usually overly romantic couples are love sick and that's what it is a sickness. it goes away after a while and they break up >3>

maybe that's what she's scared I am.

She'll just have to learn that's pretty much how I am throughout the relationship, all the way till they leave me.

Well you can't really say. I mean that's pretty much what I hear from any overly romantic couple.. Had some that lasted weeks, months, years and even 5 years.

it's kinda sad really >3<

Quote from: Chocofreak13 on June 15, 2011, 11:41:25 pm
i'm more optimistic about that, since if both parties are into being SUPER-ROMANTIC i think it could work. :3


Well i'm an optimistic person but even i can't see it working out so well in the long run XD

I can't imagine anything that you immerse yourself into so much lasting for long.

I guess for me the waiting and longing makes some things more worthwhile.


Lol maybe i'm just biased XD Cuz worse part i hate about overly romantic couples is that they pretty much abandon you once they get into one. This truly pisses me off, like 100% of the time. I understand they love each other more than anything else in the world, but they make it seem like everything that you've done for them and all the times you've been with them was not even worth a single hello or a how are you once they get in a relationship. Then they break up and come looking for you then they get into one again and forget you even exist >3<
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 16, 2011, 04:33:35 pm
ah, those types of people piss me off too. :\ when they shut out the world because all they want to do is be with their partner. :\

i try not to do that, since friends are usually more important to me than the relationship (since i've always had close friends to fall back on).

being romantic isn't nessacarily a bad thing, though; the one guy i fell hard for was quite the romantic soul. not sure if he was being real, but it swept me off my feet. ^^
i'm old fashioned. i wouldn't want to be with someone if they didn't romance me a bit first. ;3

i think the old fashioned mindset i have is one of the reasons i haven't dated much compared to other people my age. i have an old soul. (it's not often you find a 15 year old who's thinking of marriage in this day and age. ^^)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: zjhentohlauedy on June 16, 2011, 09:25:04 pm
well i can be pretty romantic too i think but then again i haven't been in a relationship XD


i did give someone hand made chocolates for her birthday once~
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 16, 2011, 09:38:09 pm
that's sweet. ^^

no matter how you approach it, relationships are a gamble. you just gotta step up and spin the wheel. :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Krizonar on June 16, 2011, 09:44:07 pm
I'm a hopeless romantic <3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 16, 2011, 09:46:35 pm
and half my brain is in 1945. -w-
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Red-Machine on June 17, 2011, 04:17:21 am
I'm a hopeless romantic and a shameless flatterer.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on June 17, 2011, 07:42:12 am
The closest thing I have to a girlfriend is my laptop
Forever Alone
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 17, 2011, 12:16:25 pm
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_VSrnkiWaqSQ/TJQpPhUS8_I/AAAAAAAAAUo/Jp7u642ZQVY/s1600/1284345715999.jpg

don't worry. i'm one of the believers in "there's someone for everyone".

besides, we're young. we got another 80 or so years to worry about this. ^^
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: zjhentohlauedy on June 17, 2011, 10:40:02 pm
yeah

you know it's irritating when 16 year olds get so worked up in getting into a relationship >3>
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 17, 2011, 10:49:05 pm
that's why i'm tenative about saying "i love you" to someone i'm in a relationship with, or talking about that relationship-thing that went on long ago. given my age, most people write it off. >>;

rather presumptuous, if i do say so myself.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on June 17, 2011, 10:52:22 pm
Why love when you can CONQUER THE WORLD?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Krizonar on June 17, 2011, 10:52:31 pm
I hate it when people think you can't love due to your age.

"We're just teenagers, we don't know what love is."

excuse me?

That ticks me off to no end, and Katarina sometimes comes close to it in some of her words.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 17, 2011, 11:01:55 pm
as previously mentioned, i have an old soul. that's why i'm in it for the long haul, because on a daily basis i usually feel 5-10+ years older than i am. as such, i'm more mature, and thus look for more mature things. like intelligent men who are looking to settle down.

@nej: because love makes the world go round. if you control the love, you control the world.

(the same could also apply to boobs. >>; )
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: zjhentohlauedy on June 17, 2011, 11:07:22 pm
Quote from: Krizonar on June 17, 2011, 10:52:31 pm
I hate it when people think you can't love due to your age.

"We're just teenagers, we don't know what love is."

excuse me?

That ticks me off to no end, and Katarina sometimes comes close to it in some of her words.


most of the time it's infatuation >3>

and most of the time adults are the same >3>
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on June 17, 2011, 11:16:58 pm
The thing about love is that it is chaotic by nature, so it's pretty much as hard as a demon to control - and hell knows I have enough trouble controlling myself on that area.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on June 17, 2011, 11:21:19 pm
The way these high school kids act about relationships is part of what makes me feel so bad about not even having one girlfriend. The other being that, when compared to my dad when he was my age, I appear to be a failure at life; he had a full time job and was married by the time he was 20, while I'm stuck in a dead-end job and missed what I felt was my one chance at possibly starting a relationship with someone because of that 2nd job fucking up my schedule.

I've actually considered using a dating site to try and find someone, but the main reason I haven't is because I see it as the option for complete failures; like using a turbo controller to beat your friends at a button-mashing minigame in Mario Party.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Krizonar on June 17, 2011, 11:22:00 pm
Quote from: zjhentohlauedy on June 17, 2011, 11:07:22 pm
Quote from: Krizonar on June 17, 2011, 10:52:31 pm
I hate it when people think you can't love due to your age.

"We're just teenagers, we don't know what love is."

excuse me?

That ticks me off to no end, and Katarina sometimes comes close to it in some of her words.


most of the time it's infatuation >3>

and most of the time adults are the same >3>

She seems to think at times I just have an infatuation.

Yes, that's why I've chased you for 7 months, it all makes sense!

I was after her before I even joined this site.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: zjhentohlauedy on June 17, 2011, 11:26:40 pm
Quote from: Krizonar on June 17, 2011, 11:22:00 pm
Quote from: zjhentohlauedy on June 17, 2011, 11:07:22 pm
Quote from: Krizonar on June 17, 2011, 10:52:31 pm
I hate it when people think you can't love due to your age.

"We're just teenagers, we don't know what love is."

excuse me?

That ticks me off to no end, and Katarina sometimes comes close to it in some of her words.


most of the time it's infatuation >3>

and most of the time adults are the same >3>

She seems to think at times I just have an infatuation.

Yes, that's why I've chased you for 7 months, it all makes sense!

I was after her before I even joined this site.


well if she really doesn't want you she'll make up all kinds of excuses. tough luck with that >_<
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 17, 2011, 11:27:58 pm
@kriz: maybe she thinks that because you seem to devote every waking thought to her? it's not often that people like that come along. :\

@pentium: i'm not sure being married at 20 is something to be proud of in this day and age..... :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Krizonar on June 17, 2011, 11:30:49 pm
Quote from: zjhentohlauedy on June 17, 2011, 11:26:40 pm
Quote from: Krizonar on June 17, 2011, 11:22:00 pm
Quote from: zjhentohlauedy on June 17, 2011, 11:07:22 pm
Quote from: Krizonar on June 17, 2011, 10:52:31 pm
I hate it when people think you can't love due to your age.

"We're just teenagers, we don't know what love is."

excuse me?

That ticks me off to no end, and Katarina sometimes comes close to it in some of her words.


most of the time it's infatuation >3>

and most of the time adults are the same >3>

She seems to think at times I just have an infatuation.

Yes, that's why I've chased you for 7 months, it all makes sense!

I was after her before I even joined this site.


well if she really doesn't want you she'll make up all kinds of excuses. tough luck with that >_<

She wants me, she always uses the words "it's not that I don't like you".
Just she's not sure about a serious relationship... since she seems to get more often now that I'm serious and not someone you just date for a month. She said if I had asked earlier, we would have gone steady, but it wouldn't have been on the same level we are now.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on June 17, 2011, 11:31:40 pm
FACT ALERT: Bro and sis-to-be will be 24 and 22 when they marry this summer.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 17, 2011, 11:36:24 pm
@kriz: meaning she friend-zoned you. that's hard to beat; take it from a girl who's friend-zoned plenty of guys. :\
@nej: interesting? that's better than 20, at least.

but only one of my cousins is married thus far, and she was 27 when she got hitched.
now her sister's engaged, and her sister is 26 now (her sister got married about 2-3 years ago).
and her brother just got engaged about a week ago.

(please keep in mind that all of these are my older cousins, and the youngest, the brother, is still 6 years my senior.)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Krizonar on June 17, 2011, 11:39:51 pm
friend zoned...?  :(
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 17, 2011, 11:41:38 pm
eh, if she's willing to date you that means there's hope. if you were full on friend-zoned you'd have to pray for a fricken' miracle to get her out of it.

for example, all my "brothers" are actually friends that i consider brothers. this is an example of extreme friend-zoning. -w-
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on June 17, 2011, 11:42:56 pm
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on June 17, 2011, 11:27:58 pm
@pentium: i'm not sure being married at 20 is something to be proud of in this day and age..... :\


Seeing as he's still married to my mom after all these years, I think hooking up that early and being able to make it work as well as they have is something to be proud of.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 17, 2011, 11:44:43 pm
when it works out like that, then yes.

but it doesn't usually work out like that. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 17, 2011, 11:50:24 pm
better to have 500 girls friend-zoned than no one at all. -w-
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on June 17, 2011, 11:57:29 pm
I suppose that's true; as even friend zone would be close enough to a relationship for me, since I have little interest in sex
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 18, 2011, 12:03:46 am
i'd rather have friends than a boyfriend or girlfriend. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on June 18, 2011, 12:22:30 am
@Kari: But friendzone'd implies breaking up first. You can't friendzone somebody you're still in a relationship with...

@Genpop: It's kind of weird hearing people talking about finding a gf/bf, since I've never had that urge, ever in my life. The only way I can imagine wanting a bf or gf is by being friends with somebody first, and then realizing I have romantic feelings for them... which is exactly what happened with Stewart-san. It's really something that I never thought would happen to me, especially the LDR part, since I come from a family that thinks that falling for somebody you've never "met" - and maintaining an LDR - is impossible, and I had kind of picked up that mentality through osmosis. : / But I definitely know otherwise now.  ;)

As for friendzoning... I don't think I could handle that. : \ I AM a yangire (-dere?) after all, you know what happens when you friendzone a yandere/-gire.... >___>;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 18, 2011, 12:30:05 am
then be thankful that no one would ever think to friend-zone you, bells. -w-
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: zjhentohlauedy on June 18, 2011, 02:16:05 am
i'd friend zone bella so fast i'd be dead D:

cuz i'm a pimp XD


Actually i'd be terribly surprised and really really flattered if anyone even has any romantic interest in me at all! XD so yeah my chance to friendzone anyone is next to none XD


Quote from: Chocofreak13 on June 18, 2011, 12:03:46 am
i'd rather have friends than a boyfriend or girlfriend. :\

Hehe this is one of the reason why i pity the girl i'll end up with XD
I'd prolly treasure and love my friends as much as her, the poor thing >3<
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Krizonar on June 18, 2011, 02:28:36 am
Quote from: Bella on June 18, 2011, 12:22:30 am
As for friendzoning... I don't think I could handle that. : \ I AM a yangire (-dere?) after all, you know what happens when you friendzone a yandere/-gire.... >___>;

^
(http://i138.photobucket.com/albums/q269/gelgoogman/btard/Hadesffffffffuuuuuuu.gif)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 18, 2011, 10:19:43 am
.......what?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on June 18, 2011, 12:32:55 pm
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on June 18, 2011, 10:19:43 am
.......what?


What happens when you friendzone a yandere.

Kriz's image might capture the internal rage of the friendzone'd yandere, but their external reaction is far more subtle/terrifying - and their reasoning goes something like....

(http://img835.imageshack.us/img835/9716/1285406517362.jpg)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: zjhentohlauedy on June 18, 2011, 02:21:04 pm
aurora... tsundere


*faints*


Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 18, 2011, 10:59:17 pm
i pride myself on my tsundere status. -w-
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Pitkin on June 20, 2011, 08:06:10 am
I don't define myself with any anime stereotype. *shrug*
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 20, 2011, 01:08:51 pm
which is ok. only 2 of us seem to use them to describe our personalities anyway.

since it falls in a similar vein, how do all of you get along with your parents?

for those who don't already know, my mother is a saint, while my father belongs in hell. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on June 20, 2011, 01:52:54 pm
My parents are government-employed trolls.
My late streak of NEETing has them a bit annoyed, but the clan stays tight.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Red-Machine on June 20, 2011, 02:04:45 pm
My dad is a plice officer and my mum is a general accountant for a software company.  I get along with them fairly well, tho my mum can be a bit of a controlling SWMBO at times.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on June 20, 2011, 05:08:02 pm
My mom's a nurse and my dad works in the maintenance department, both at the same hospital I work at. I get along well with both; as long as, when talking with dad, I don't bring up any topic pertaining to the Dart. It's the source of many of our arguments; he still thinks it's a great car, and doesn't understand why I preferred the Omni or why I'd put more money into my fleet.

My mom does occasionally do some things that annoy me, although generally it's small things; like buying crappy Wal-Mart brand cola instead of Coca-Cola, Pepsi, or even RC. Although she is still a bit protective of me, she thankfully isn't as overprotective as she was years before; when I was younger, she was almost Knight Templar over what was ok and what wasn't.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 20, 2011, 06:56:58 pm
my mom works at my uncle's feed and grain store, and my dad is a self-employed contractor. as i said, my mother has pretty much attained saint-tude, by taking in various friends and family in their times of need, no matter the circumstance. she's driven several towns over to rescue people, and if we truely needed anything, she didn't mind helping, she's my rock, and whenever she leaves, things tend to go to shit.

my dad, however, is a bastard (almost literally). he hates people (including us), hates how my mother helps people, and hates anything that doesn't fit into his routine. he's a former alcoholic, a raging jerk, a chain smoker, and has OCD. he gets up at 4 am and coughs so loudly it usually wakes up anyone not wearing earplugs. he goes to bed at 7:30 sharp, and if we have the tv over 25 he comes out and turns it down for us (if he doesn't shut it off). he insists on conserving energy to the point where it interferes with our daily lives, screams at us if we throw away cardboard or plastic instead of recycling it, cancels out DVR recordings, and has no respect for other's property. he's threated to kick us out (me and sis), gives dirty looks to any friends we bring over, and calls us 'mistakes'.

and that's not even mentioning all the shit he's pulled over the years. it's not often that you hear someone wish a parent dead--and they mean it.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on June 20, 2011, 08:02:01 pm
Your mom sounds about like my great uncle was. He was a very cool guy; he'd always try to help those in need, and was understanding (When one of his sons came out of the closet a few years back, he didn't seem to mind; his reaction was literally "Whatever floats your boat") and wise. It's a shame he passed away, mere days before my 18th birthday...

As for your dad...he makes my boss seem like a nice guy. That takes a certain kind of evil, really
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 20, 2011, 08:05:50 pm
he's threatened to kill the cat, since her vet bills were getting rather steep.

i can only think of 3 things he's good for: stories about his childhood, advice on rebuilding scooters or gardening, and paying for crap. :\

and if he died, we'd be able to do that last one anyway. :\

also, your great uncle sounds like a wonderful person. reminds me a little of my brother's great uncle, who lived to be 108 (?). the best thing about him was his sense of humour, apparently. even at his age, his mind was clear as a bell. :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Remilia on June 21, 2011, 12:42:09 am
My dad seems to be almost the same as yours, Choco (or maybe just was, as I haven't seen him for years so there's a tiny possibility he has changed). He did the same conserving energy-thing, and said things like "I hope you all go to hell" and always complained that the footsteps of others in the house were too loud. He always smelled of booze and only behaved nicely if his friend(s) were visiting.

I'm really happy that we fled to my grandma's place and after a while moved into an apartment where my dad wouldn't be.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 21, 2011, 12:52:05 am
wish we could. he's not a boozehound anymore, but he retains the vile attitude he had when he was drinking. :\

i'd rather live in a crackerbox apartment than here, if we could. as long as i had my own room, i'd be ok. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 21, 2011, 09:29:54 pm
yay, i killed the thread with my hatred!! ^^

ok, to revive: anyone ever noticed an odd quirk with someone that really bothered you? or that you really liked?
or just an odd personality characteristic? (like how i'm willing to bet that some of you would have joined me in eating captian crunch and watching a WWI documentary. :3)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: stewartsage on August 21, 2011, 09:39:47 pm
Bells.  She tends to giggle a lot.  At least around me that is.  Its not annoying.... all the time.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on August 21, 2011, 09:43:38 pm
Quote from: stewartsage on August 21, 2011, 09:39:47 pm
Bells.  She tends to giggle a lot.  At least around me that is.  Its not annoying.... all the time.


Stewart, I was happy. Perhaps.....TOO happy. You have that effect on me (in person or not), and I'm sure the giggling/extreme giddiness will wear off after a week or so extended exposure to each other. .//.

You...... walk fast. And aren't pushy/rude enough in crowds. This makes me slightly disappoint in you. ;-;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 21, 2011, 09:47:04 pm
heh. lover's quarrel?

and think of it this way: you can be pushy for him! ^^
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on August 21, 2011, 09:54:22 pm
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on August 21, 2011, 09:47:04 pm
heh. lover's quarrel?

and think of it this way: you can be pushy for him! ^^




There are no lovers' quarrels between us. I tried being mad at him, once... it was about an hour before I gave up on that endeavor. .////.

I want to make him come to Boston so he can learn the ways of the Rude Commuter.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 21, 2011, 10:09:25 pm
but i'm a commuter, and i try not to be rude. :\

(the only rude commuters i've ever met are die-hard red sox fans. loud, pushy, and too many of them, and the majority are guido-types, which only puts me off of them more.)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on August 21, 2011, 10:12:33 pm
People being hot headed can sometimes annoy me, but in the case of some people, I'm willing to forgive them for that; after all, I can be that way from time to time, even though I try to avoid it.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 21, 2011, 10:43:05 pm
stalkers annoy me. guys seem to stalk me when i dump them. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on August 21, 2011, 10:51:19 pm
What's even worse with the stalkers is when they stalk other people only vaguely related to the person they dated. After all, I have a creepy guy who stalks me simply because he's seen me with my sister, who was friends with a friend of somebody he dated. I couldn't make this shit up even if I tried
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: stewartsage on August 21, 2011, 10:56:00 pm
Bells.  I don't want to kill someone in the underground.  And most times your giggling is endearing/a healthy boost to my belief in my own ability to tell jokes.

Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on August 21, 2011, 11:07:34 pm
Quote from: stewartsage on August 21, 2011, 10:56:00 pm
Bells.  I don't want to kill someone in the underground.  And most times your giggling is endearing/a healthy boost to my belief in my own ability to tell jokes.


No killing, just getting in line in front of women and children and the elderly. >w>

Aww, thank you sweetheart. I find it endearing that you make me laugh and be happy (and tell good jokes); since I think that's one of the most fundamental qualities one can have in a mate. :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 21, 2011, 11:26:50 pm
@bella: yeesh, you ARE a rude commuter. o__o; i've given up my seat for children, elderly, AND 2 handicapped people (a guy with a broken leg and one with a cane). haven't encountered any pregnant women, but i'd give up my seat for them, too.

@pentium: one of my stalkers didn't have the resources for that, but i get the feeling that the other one tried. (we broke up over a year ago, and he STILL tries to contact me.)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on August 22, 2011, 10:13:58 am
Rude commuters? Try Stockholm, peeps. Not quite "rude", always, but, HELL.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 22, 2011, 10:42:33 am
in boston, people guard their seats like hawks. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on August 22, 2011, 12:14:59 pm
@Kari: Okay, here's the deal on the "not being a pushy enough commuter" thing. Stew and I needed to catch a MARC train back to Harpers Ferry by a certain time. We had, like, 45 minutes. The trip, by Metro, to the MARC station was ~30 minutes. And the Metro train in that direction only came like, every 8 minutes. The subway platform was PACKED, literally, shoulder-to-shoulder with commuters. So we didn't have a lot of room for error (ie: missing our Metro train) and he STILL wasn't cutting in line in front of people - we missed one train because of it.

It all worked out though, since we caught the next train, and it turned out his MARC schedule was wrong - we were at the MARC stop for like, 40 minutes waiting for our train. Despite it being about 100 degrees out, we uh, cuddled on an uncomfortable bench. Disgusting sugar-free gatorade like beverage was shared. At some point the words "train platform sex" were uttered with a sidelong glance/eyebrow raise combination and I giggled furiously. Then wandered off to use the bathroom and got hit on by a creepy Texan dude wearing roller blades. I was inconsolably giggling and suffering a minor case of PTSD when I returned to the bench.

And yes. The people on the T are freakishly protective of their seats. It's especially bad around Cambridge IMO, when I was there with some relatives my 12yo cousin (of sorts) got up, literally for five seconds to get a snack from his mom, and a young, yuppie-ish-looking woman slid into his seat without so much as a word. He had to stand up for the rest of the ride (it was a long ride, too). Unbelievable. Though karmic, since he's kind of a brat...
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on August 22, 2011, 12:22:17 pm
Quotetrain platform sex

Now I am laughing so hard I don't know what.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 22, 2011, 06:49:31 pm
@bella: i've noticed that i'm basically the only person who's willing to give up their seat. i'd chalk it up to be being from new hampshire, except that i was the only one who volunteered their seat(s) on the coach bus for a mother and her young daughter. :\

the lack of courtesy left in this world is disturbing to me.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on August 25, 2011, 10:34:25 pm
Quote from: NejinOniwa on August 22, 2011, 12:22:17 pm
Quotetrain platform sex

Now I am laughing so hard I don't know what.


Replace "laughing" with "abashedly giggling" and you pretty much have my reaction.

...although my reaction had some ME GUTSA? thrown in, lol. >//>;

Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 25, 2011, 10:52:12 pm
somehow, i doubt bella would have the nerve to do that, lol. ^^;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: IanDanKilmaster on August 26, 2011, 12:29:58 am
Um, so I'm living with my girlfriend.  We're obviously quite close.  Monogamous.  In love.  Serious.  Happy.

As close to marriage as either of us want to get xD.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 26, 2011, 12:47:17 am
glad to hear you're happy! ^^ what's her name? :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: stewartsage on August 26, 2011, 12:50:29 am
Awww, that's about all you can ask for.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: IanDanKilmaster on August 26, 2011, 12:57:21 am
Thanks to you both, I really appreciate it.  Rather, I should say we appreciate it :3.

Quote from: Chocofreak13 on August 26, 2011, 12:47:17 am
glad to hear you're happy! ^^ what's her name? :3


I'd love to tell you, but I don't think I'm ready to disclose that information.  I don't think many, if any, people on this board even know my name yet xD.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 26, 2011, 01:01:35 am
most, if not all of us know each other's names by now. that's something you missed, we've gotten alot more relaxed. mind you, we're not throwing each others' phone numbers and home addresses at each other, but we're all on a first name basis now.

my name's kari. what's yours? :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: IanDanKilmaster on August 26, 2011, 01:39:09 am
Call me Dan, if you must.

I tend to prefer lurking in the veil of pseudonymity, but it seems those days are nearly at an end anyway, so perhaps I can have a name amongst my friends :3.

I've also answered to: That Guy, Stabby, Axeman, Bastard, Jerk, and That Dude with the Hatchet.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on August 26, 2011, 03:04:19 am
Aww, Stabby, that's really sweet. ^^

/OSC/ now has another happy couple, which makes three: Dan + Mrs. Dan, Pitkin/Fedora and Stew/Bella.

The last one's an LDR at the moment, but someday we will change that. >:3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 26, 2011, 07:33:00 pm
@IDK: nice to meet you! this makes you thr 4th dan i know, and the 3rd dan i'd like to know. :3

as you all may have noticed, i went on a rampage in topicless. i felt justified in taking the tough love route, so no apology for you. which brings me to a question:
has a friend/family member/etc ever made you so disgusted in their willingness to give up that you felt the need to scream at them untill they realized their potential or got off their ass?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on August 26, 2011, 08:07:04 pm
Yeah, at least once.

My sister, much like me, doesn't have a GED; however, she did go take the test back around '05 or so and got very high scores on every category except math. All she needed to do was to go take some free classes after work or something, and then she could go retake the math portion alone and try to improve her score, but she instead gave up because she didn't get it right the first time. 6 years later, she still hasn't tried to take the test again, which really pisses me off; especially because she has a friend who's willing to help her with studying for math.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 26, 2011, 08:12:03 pm
this is one of the reasons i'm wary of homeschooling.

maybe you could crash-course her and convince her to come with you when you go. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on August 26, 2011, 08:20:13 pm
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on August 26, 2011, 07:33:00 pmhas a friend/family member/etc ever made you so disgusted in their willingness to give up that you felt the need to scream at them untill they realized their potential or got off their ass?



EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on August 26, 2011, 08:32:48 pm
Just about everybody I know who was homeschooled agrees with me that if we had the chance to do it all over, we'd insist on going to a public school. It just feels like a waste of time when I spent so much of my childhood on schoolwork, only for it to amount to nothing because I didn't receive a diploma at the end of high school.

Still, maybe after I pass, I can help her study for math :)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: stewartsage on August 26, 2011, 08:38:05 pm
Nope.  Pretty sure all/almost all of my family fully realized what they wanted to do in life.  Or at least enough of it that they don't complain about it.

I'm wary of homeschooling as well.  For reasons.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 26, 2011, 08:42:51 pm
i'm cool with homeschooling, as long as it's an acredited program and part of the study time is devoted to the GED.

@bella: no offense or anything, but you seem to follow in their footsteps a bit. :[
@stew: like you, most of my family is tenacious enough to go for what they want. not as tenacious as me, but tenacious. :3
(that, and alot of times giving up isn't an option... >>; )
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: stewartsage on August 26, 2011, 08:55:20 pm
Ehhh, well, I just think that public school or private school, anything with other kids who you may or may not like but still have to deal with, is as important a part of education as the actual classwork since it teaches you how to function in society at large.  Not selling homeschooling short academically, my friends the Millers homeschooled all of their children until high school, but most of the people I know who were homeschooled all the way through are a bit.... odd.  Its stupid to generalize a group, so remember I'm just giving an opinion on people I know.

Yeah, my family seems to be able to handle just about whatever gets chucked at them without stopping.  The ones that are still alive.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on August 26, 2011, 09:15:22 pm
I'm wary of homeschooling when it's guided by extreme conservatism or religion, parents attempting to shelter their kids, or is conducted in a haphazard fashion ... but accredited homeschooling programs with normal curricula with children who actually WANT to be homeschooled, I'm fine with.

Quote from: Chocofreak13 on August 26, 2011, 08:42:51 pm@bella: no offense or anything, but you seem to follow in their footsteps a bit. :[


I know this, and I am not offended. Actually, i'm about the only one in my family who wants to break the cycle of apathy and fatalism (my dad TALKS about this a lot, but he does little to actually STOP it); it's the source of a lot of my internal conflict and angst. -w-

Quote from: stewartsage on August 26, 2011, 08:55:20 pmbut most of the people I know who were homeschooled all the way through are a bit.... odd.  Its stupid to generalize a group, so remember I'm just giving an opinion on people I know.


My brother was almost entirely homeschooled; ironically, he's probably the most normal person in my family. ^^;;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 26, 2011, 09:23:45 pm
i'll bet the ones that aren't are taking it in stride. xD

and in some state or large private homeschool programs they have group activities for all the homeschool kids in the area, like homeschool sports teams. :3
when i have kids, i'm going to give them the options of either public, online, or homeschool. :3 (though that last one might be iffy. :\ )

@bella: i want to congradulate you for trying, but all that ranting in topicless has me all doubting you. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on August 26, 2011, 09:37:23 pm
If I ever have kids (That being on the end of a chain that starts with "if I ever have a girlfriend..."), I'd really like to see them go to a public school unless they really want to be homeschooled. Otherwise, I don't want them to go through what I've had to just to prove anything
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 26, 2011, 10:15:27 pm
"just to prove something" is kind of a stupid reason for anything in my book.
i keep seeing ads for an online school option, which i wish was available when i was younger. mind you, i enjoyed my high school experience for the most part, including all the friends i made. i might not be in touch with most of them now, but the ones i am in touch with are some of the best friends you could ask for. :3
however, there was still alot of bullshit that made me wish i could transfer, such as my water bottle (the nice nalgene kind) being stolen. twice. my favourite scarf was stolen too.
and middle school was even worse. if my kid is bullied as half as much as i was, i'll probably take them out. :\

(btw, i've been itching to say this in this thread for days but i doubt i'll ever get the opportunity.
"R is for relationships but mine are nonexistant, cause my friends and my women, i like to keep them distant")
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on August 26, 2011, 10:29:02 pm
Well, "to prove something" is the best way I can think to describe it. Most people in this hellhole I live in jump to the conclusion that you're a failure at life for being 20 years old and not having a high school diploma, or even if you do, not going to college.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 26, 2011, 10:36:48 pm
that's society's view. it's more of a case-by-case basis and personal opinion thing. my dad is quite judgemental of these things. i blame his upbringing and the european view of things on the matter. my mother, however, is much more open-minded. she actually drives my friend colleen half an hour away to college every day she has class, and she's been doing so for over 2 years now. before she started college, colleen was living here for about a year, since her mother kicked her out.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: IanDanKilmaster on August 26, 2011, 11:35:29 pm
Quote from: Bella on August 26, 2011, 03:04:19 am
Aww, Stabby, that's really sweet. ^^

/OSC/ now has another happy couple, which makes three: Dan + Mrs. Dan, Pitkin/Fedora and Stew/Bella.

The last one's an LDR at the moment, but someday we will change that. >:3


xD Wow, I really have missed a lot.  I'm quite glad for you all :3.

Quote from: Chocofreak13 on August 26, 2011, 07:33:00 pm
@IDK: nice to meet you! this makes you thr 4th dan i know, and the 3rd dan i'd like to know. :3

as you all may have noticed, i went on a rampage in topicless. i felt justified in taking the tough love route, so no apology for you. which brings me to a question:
has a friend/family member/etc ever made you so disgusted in their willingness to give up that you felt the need to scream at them untill they realized their potential or got off their ass?


Thank you, Choco-chan.  Yes, it's quite a common name.  That's why I'm locally known as "Dan the Hatchet"... forrrr... my work with trees... and nothing else.

As far as your rampage goes, I can appreciate what you're trying to do, but you may be defeating your own cause.  I have no intention to further the debate on Bella's future as she will go where her will takes her, and all we can do is give her helpful advice and encouragement when she asks for it.  If she needs a nudge or "tough love", she'll get it from the right person at the right time.

As far as getting frustrated on friends/family giving up goes, I actually found myself getting very cross with my father because of his lack of self-motivation at times.  For the past few months until I moved, I had been helping him with a project and he would so easily become discouraged and quit.  The only thing that kept me motivated enough to keep motivating him was my rage.  I was also much more frustrated with one my cousins because he was such a pothead/quitter/ungrateful twat.  I never addressed those frustrations because he's one of those people that just tries to reflect everything.  He can't take any criticism, he just takes it take and throws it back on you.  I guess my family may very well be frustrated with me since I quit college and have shown no real interest in going back, but I can't really say I miss it, you know?

As for homeschooling, I have to say I agree with stew that the interactions of a social classroom are best for a well-rounded education, but there is merit in homeschooling done properly.  Sadly, the one homeschooled person I know is one of my cousins (not the one I mentioned earlier, though this one is also an ungrateful twat at times) and he came out a very sheltered human being.  His parents (actually his grandparents who took him on as their foster child because they though their own son was too young to raise him) took him out of school around middle-school or so because of bullying.  Honestly, that has to be the worst reason to take someone out of school.  I was bullied nearly the entire time I was in school (it stopped right around my Sophomore/Junior year), but I wouldn't trade the experience.  It sucked, really sucked, but had I not persevered, I never would've been able to come out of my shell.  That being said, to each his own, I would never put down someone because they didn't go to public or private school (actually I would more likely put someone down for going to private school, j/k), or didn't do things the way I did.  In reference to you, Pentium, it's never too late to get your GED, I know because I have loved ones who got theirs around your age.  Hell, my mother was in her thirties when she got her GED.  To wrap up, all of you - my online family - have my encouragement to succeed and do what makes you feel fulfilled. :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 26, 2011, 11:53:13 pm
i like that attitude in the last line. there's no job security whatsoever in my chosen field, so i'm just gonna do whatever the hell i want! xD

and when it comes to the "it's never too late" catagory, the girl i mentioned, colleen, her grandmother got her driver's license at the age of 56, a few years ago. :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Red-Machine on August 27, 2011, 06:32:45 am
Wait, her grandmother's only 56?  My parents are nearly 56...
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 27, 2011, 10:31:54 am
yeah, her grandmother's in her late 50's. did i mention her mother's in her late 30's? (and colleen just turned 21.)

:\

EDIT: figured this would be the proper place to vent.
you all know that my relationship with my father is strained at best.....today's his birthday. he wants to go out to dinner (since there's some sort of free birthday dinner thing at a local restaraunt), which i can understand, but it's going to be awkward (obviously). i was counting on my sister to at least show up for this, since she's been absent the entire weekend (since our mother's in canada right now), but the bitch refused. i'm asking for 1 hour of her time, 1 little hour, but she still has to be the selfish little brat she's grown into.
now i'm angry at my mother for leaving on my dad's birthday weekend (why NOW of all times???), but i'm livid at my sister for not being willing to sacrifice even a second of her time to appease our father. instead, she's been ducking out like a little coward, leaving me to deal with him alone.

i hope all of your family relationships aren't as.....difficult.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on August 27, 2011, 02:27:29 pm
Damn. I hope everything goes fine
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: IanDanKilmaster on August 27, 2011, 02:43:39 pm
My family relationships can be pretty strained at times, but now that I'm away from my parents, it's a lot easier.  My mom and I generally got along pretty well, but my dad and I always found ourselves butting heads.  The rest of the family said it was because we were too much alike, both stubborn in our own ways, both fairly outspoken, and both fairly aggro when tested (his temper was much shorter than mine, however).  Dad and I handle each other with a lot more respect and love now that there's so much distance between us, though.

All I can say is, try to appreciate the time you have with him.  Don't blame anyone and don't treat him like a burden - just remember that it's his birthday and that he's your father.  Isn't it possible to spend some quality time with him for one day out of the year?  I know it sucks you can't get your sister to come along, but she'll grow to regret it later.  Just for the record, I'm not trying to guilt you or anything.  I just want to remind you how important family is, and how valuable time spent with them can be.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 27, 2011, 02:54:21 pm
it ended up working itself out.

@idk: you don't know my family. :3 any sort of sentiment for 'quality time' died a long time ago.

that said, my sister is long gone and my dad's back is hurting too much for him to go anywhere. mum ended up calling from canada and told him to just order in and relax. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: IanDanKilmaster on August 27, 2011, 03:02:19 pm
Well okay, as long as things have worked out I guess all is well.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 27, 2011, 03:03:21 pm
yep. things are quite calm now. helps that i talked to my mum. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: IanDanKilmaster on August 27, 2011, 03:20:47 pm
Well that's nice.  I think it's good your family can work together in some way at least.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 27, 2011, 03:24:11 pm
we're a bit dysfunctional, but we get by. :\

i'd ask how everyone else's family relationships are, but i have this nagging feeling that i already asked that....
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: IanDanKilmaster on August 27, 2011, 03:26:20 pm
You did... remember that I answered? :p

I'm sure you understand that not everyone is as willing to open up about such personal stuff online as you are, Kari-chan.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 27, 2011, 03:35:10 pm
heh. i take the closed viewpoint everywhere online but here. here is basically home. :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on August 27, 2011, 03:40:58 pm
/OSC/ knows things about me that practically nobody else does.


I am so screwed if >insert family/friend here< ever find this site. -w-
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: IanDanKilmaster on August 27, 2011, 03:42:52 pm
Aw, that's so sweet :3.

And same here Bella, I know what you mean.  Luckily, no one I know would ever find this site.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: stewartsage on August 27, 2011, 04:24:26 pm
I know right?  Thank goodness only my brother really ever uses the internet in my family.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on August 27, 2011, 04:28:54 pm
Yeah, nobody in my near-family uses the internet much either. And nobody uses my computer, so i'm probably safe there.

My brother is the only person I know who could conceivably stumble upon this site.... he's an anime fan, but his interests are hardly obscure/geeky enough to draw him to this corner of the internet.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on August 27, 2011, 04:30:54 pm
Well, I pretty much answered how my family relations are much earlier in the topic...at least, my relations with my parents. Until December '08 (When she got married and moved out), my sister was who I mainly had problems with; it started off with her just being tired of how all I talked about was video games (Which was all I had going for me, because nobody at church wanted anything to do with me because I didn't abide by the social norms for boys), but it eventually got to the point where she hated my presence and made it known that the day she could finally move out was a day that wouldn't come soon enough.

Thankfully, she got married, moved away, and as a result, became a much better person. Finally, she's back to being the cool big sister I remember from when I was little.

Quote from: Bella on August 27, 2011, 03:40:58 pm
/OSC/ knows things about me that practically nobody else does.
I am so screwed if >insert family/friend here< ever find this site. -w-


Agreed
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on August 27, 2011, 06:17:44 pm
The clan knows everything and everyone, /osc/ included.

The clan doesn't care much. The clan's general stance on the internet is "K, cool story bro."

The height of the clan's problem right now is probably my dad being annoyed at me for being too lazy (and so on). Which he has been for like 8 years now, so yeah.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 27, 2011, 06:58:15 pm
going over the disputes in my family would involve airing alot of dirty laundry and would take up way too much time, effort, and posting space. :\

that said, there's alot of things here that no one outside would get, and that's what makes this place really special to me: the closeness of us all (due largely to the small population here, we're not even considered a village by internet standards). ^^
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on November 11, 2011, 11:16:29 am
@necropost: you guys ever wonder about what's not said in family relationships? my sister ranted at me earlier about how i think i'm better than everyone else and how i talk with an attitude all of the time. :\

she can be a bit of a manipulative sociopath at times, so i'm not going to take her comments seriously. but whenever she says something like this to me (she's done this alot before, on different topics, sometimes going so far as to project her personality flaws onto me) it always leaves me wondering if the rest of my family thinks so.

she's not here alot of the time, so i end up feeling like an only child. and that suits me just fine.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: stewartsage on November 11, 2011, 01:30:01 pm
Not really.  Well, sometimes with my father but everyone else pretty much speaks their mind.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on November 11, 2011, 01:40:52 pm
Sometimes, I wonder if people in my family see me as a failure, at least in contrast with dad; who, at the same age I am now, was far more successful. But, then I say "screw it; the great ones granted me a sword to cut my own path, so who cares what they think of where I'm going in life?", and carry on with my day
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: IanDanKilmaster on November 11, 2011, 01:58:46 pm
I often feel that way, Choco.  Not just with family, but with people in general.  Of course, I'm generally very neurotic, and that sends me into a very paranoid and insecure mode.  I just spend so much time in conversation trying to read people, just to see if maybe they're not letting me know what they really think.  I've gotten better at managing it with age, but I still have those thoughts lurking in my head.  It doesn't help that my parents have proven that they do talk to other people about me and ask people I know questions about me - things that they haven't asked me.  In all fairness, that's probably because I've made such a habit out of separating out my life and being such a private guy.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on November 11, 2011, 02:09:06 pm
i guess it's a bit different here. i wish we were more straightforward, but with the consequence of retaliation (i've been threatened with being kicked out or being denied food for speaking my mind sometimes) it leaves us putting on a friendly face even when we really want to rip the other's guts out.

i hope that i'm not inspiring that reaction with people. if i can talk to my mum later, that should help ease my mind--she tries not to lie to me about these things.

(as i was writing this, my mum called, and since she doesn't think that way about me, it looks like it was just another of my sister's rants.)


@dan: according to my mum, i seem to sound angry alot when i talk. i don't hear it, so i don't notice it when i'm talking (this is just the way i talk ;^; ), so it results in alot of misunderstandings. it kinda makes me miserable to think about it.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: IanDanKilmaster on November 11, 2011, 02:19:40 pm
I know what you mean, but in a different way.  I've worked so hard at deadpan delivery of my sarcasm, that my mom (and most other people) can't seem to be able to tell the difference when I'm telling a joke and being serious.  It's actually gotten to the point where I don't even notice it.  I deliver sarcastic or satirical remarks without even a hint of change in my emotion, so it's like Poe's Law is in effect every I say something in a normal tone.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on November 11, 2011, 02:26:27 pm
sarcasm is better than anger or attitude in my opinion. so i envy you. :[
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: IanDanKilmaster on November 11, 2011, 02:36:56 pm
I can see that, but trust me, it gets a little annoying when you're being serious and people think you're crying wolf.  Especially when it's about something you're feeling very serious about.

Still, I feel bad that people think you're being angry all the time.  Maybe it would help to perhaps inflect a bit of sweetness when you're feeling sweet?  I know it's not easy to do when it's something you're only doing on a subconscious-level, but some people just can't seem to understand you unless you're being very direct.  It's like, they've known you long enough that they should know this is just how you are, but it's almost as if they expect you to drive in your intent with the subtlety of a lead weight crushing a foot.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on November 11, 2011, 03:33:17 pm
but the thing is that it always comes up in basic conversation, when no inflection is required. as far as i can tell, i don't put an inflection on much of anything, but i guess my mum begs to differ. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: IanDanKilmaster on November 11, 2011, 03:37:24 pm
Hmmm, she might just be overly worried and neurotic like me - hearing something that simply isn't there.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on November 11, 2011, 04:57:57 pm
possible. i hope so. :[
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on November 11, 2011, 07:34:25 pm
@Choco: Sounds like how everybody seems to think I'm depressed all the time. Even when I'm just feeling in a basic good mood, if I'm not going around with a creepy smile on my face at all times or talk in an overly excited manner, everybody jumps to the conclusion that I'm obviously depressed; resulting in people demanding I cheer up now.

My family doesn't notice it, as they know me well enough that they can tell what my moods are like, but I get pissed off that the people who either don't know me or barely know me thinking I'm depressed, or in one case, rudely interrupting me while I'm in deep though because they think I'm crying (Do you see tears? No? Then shut up; I'm trying to concentrate on something important that's on my mind).
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on November 11, 2011, 09:28:30 pm
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on November 11, 2011, 11:16:29 am
@necropost: you guys ever wonder about what's not said in family relationships?


I have a feeling that my family - especially my near-family - are pretty much the most alone, secretive, emotionally locked-up group of people I know. For the most part, myself, my father, brother and sister in law (and her father) refuse to speak our minds, talk about our actual feelings and what's really going on in our lives, which leads to all sorts of secrets and awkward confrontations when things do surface.  :/ We're all very paranoid and neurotic people too, so secrecy and lack of communication has almost become like a mechanism to keep from hurting ourselves/each other more since the more you expose about yourself, the more you can potentially be injured by others. : \



Quote from: PentiumMMX on November 11, 2011, 07:34:25 pm
@Choco: Sounds like how everybody seems to think I'm depressed all the time. Even when I'm just feeling in a basic good mood, if I'm not going around with a creepy smile on my face at all times or talk in an overly excited manner, everybody jumps to the conclusion that I'm obviously depressed; resulting in people demanding I cheer up now.


I'm the opposite. Nobody is willing to believe I'm depressed, just because I joke a lot and tend to be on the smiley side... even though I have every symptom of depression except for physical self-harm. : / Nobody will believe I'm neurotic for the same reason...
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on November 11, 2011, 09:33:50 pm
@Bella: My family tends to be pretty open about most things, but we do have our secrets (I've accidentally learned some things about my parents I never wanted to know >_<)

Also, one of the problems that comes with people thinking I'm depressed all the time is that it really draws out the people who feel the need to shove Jesus down my throat, even after I tell them I'm already Christian, because it's obviously impossible for someone of that religion to feel sad about anything at all; they must go around shitting rainbows all day long
*rolls eyes*
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: IanDanKilmaster on November 11, 2011, 11:17:31 pm
Jeez, I remember when I was still religious having to go through that.  Granted, I did have problems with suicidal thoughts and depression when I was still an angsty teen, but I grew out of that.  Right now, I'm just a semi-introverted, deliberate, and observant person, so I spend a lot of time just deep in thought.  It's just frustrating that people want you to wear this Stepford smile all-day long like you're addicted to Prozac or something.

I guess that's why my mental duplicity is as it is.  I laugh, smile and joke around even when I'm upset - sometimes even more then.  I spend most of my "normal" time just thinking a lot.  I guess another reason I joke around so much when I'm feeling down is to just lighten the mood but whatever.

On the same token, I suppose I too misjudge people's emotions, just wanting to know what's on their mind.  I just want so much to know the people around me are happy.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Pitkin on November 12, 2011, 11:31:46 am
Very interesting subject we're on here, but right now I'm not in a place to post properly here. Instead, the below...

Quote from: Chocofreak13 on November 11, 2011, 02:09:06 pm
according to my mum, i seem to sound angry alot when i talk. i don't hear it, so i don't notice it when i'm talking (this is just the way i talk ;^; ), so it results in alot of misunderstandings. it kinda makes me miserable to think about it.


I hear that fairly often too (face to face, not online - online I can understand it way better), and whenever someone points that out to me, it's in a situation I'm not at all angry but on the contrary in good mood or even excited about something. I've seen a speech therapist about that, and she told me that whenever I speak excitedly about something, I speak very loudly and the "air pressure" I let out is very strong, making it sound like I'm upset. For me it's just the technical way to speak, and truth be told I'm happy enough with my voice / vocal communication that I wasn't interested in working towards changing it. Still, it's frustrating to hear "don't get mad" when I don't feel mad at all. :/
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on November 12, 2011, 12:16:36 pm
@Pit: I had a problem like that when I was younger. My aunt always complained about how I was always mad and yelling at everyone, when really, it was just that I lacked an indoor voice back then (Something I did develop years later...which is now part of what leads people who don't know me into believing I'm depressed)

(Example: I TALKED LIKE MY CAPS LOCK KEY WAS STUCK)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on November 12, 2011, 01:31:16 pm
Quote from: Pitkin on November 12, 2011, 11:31:46 am
Very interesting subject we're on here, but right now I'm not in a place to post properly here. Instead, the below...

Quote from: Chocofreak13 on November 11, 2011, 02:09:06 pm
according to my mum, i seem to sound angry alot when i talk. i don't hear it, so i don't notice it when i'm talking (this is just the way i talk ;^; ), so it results in alot of misunderstandings. it kinda makes me miserable to think about it.


I hear that fairly often too (face to face, not online - online I can understand it way better), and whenever someone points that out to me, it's in a situation I'm not at all angry but on the contrary in good mood or even excited about something. I've seen a speech therapist about that, and she told me that whenever I speak excitedly about something, I speak very loudly and the "air pressure" I let out is very strong, making it sound like I'm upset. For me it's just the technical way to speak, and truth be told I'm happy enough with my voice / vocal communication that I wasn't interested in working towards changing it. Still, it's frustrating to hear "don't get mad" when I don't feel mad at all. :/


I can totally sympathize with the two of you when it comes to this, since I suffer from this issue myself. I think my tendency to get loud when excited (or upset) coupled with my somewhat complaining-sounding voice convinces some people I'm either "yelling" or pissed-off when I'm not. It's gotten me in trouble before... :/
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on November 12, 2011, 02:54:41 pm
That's probably the good part about swedish - the language itself is so melodic, you always hear when someone's mad and not regardless of volume. Less misundahstandahns!
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on November 12, 2011, 05:26:21 pm
@bella, pitkin, pentium: the basic rule in this house is the louder you are, the more you're heard. this hold especially true for me, as somehow when i was young i absorbed the information that you should always wait till the other person is done speaking to talk. while i don't mind this (it's just polite), my family has the gift of gab......so i could never get a word in edgewise. in my later teens, i got sick of being talked over, so i started to make myself heard. this seems to have backfired, as now in an attempt to make sure i'm heard, i seem to end up yelling my replies sometimes...... >>; (i do my best to keep myself in check on volume control.)

@nej: i wish i could speak swedish. your country isn't going under economically, which makes it lovely that half the country is in english, meaning that if the great ship united states sinks, i can jump across the pond.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on November 12, 2011, 05:40:44 pm
@Kari: That's how I usually am; I usually wait until someone is done talking before I speak up...and usually, if the conversation is with more than one person, that leads to me constantly getting cut off right at the start of a sentence, much to my annoyance.

If my boss is involved, he cuts me off every time I open my mouth, spouting his usual bullshit reasoning why he is right and I'm wrong (Regardless of how painfully wrong he is), so I yell at that bastard to get my point through.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on November 12, 2011, 06:54:21 pm
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on November 12, 2011, 05:26:21 pm@nej: i wish i could speak swedish. your country isn't going under economically, which makes it lovely that half the country is in english, meaning that if the great ship united states sinks, i can jump across the pond.


Canada is my backup plan (mostly on account of the fact that it's very Americanized, nearby, and has socialized medicine), and probably the only other place in the world (besides New England) that I'd want to live. -w-

Of course Canada might end up with those bandwidth caps like Australia has, which will make it totally suck then. :( (Yes, INTERNET INFRASTRUCTURE is a large consideration when it comes to picking a place to live). 
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on November 12, 2011, 07:05:03 pm
For me, my backup plan is either Canada or Britain (The former because they're the closest English-speaking country, and the latter because I wouldn't have to learn a new language...and because I find myself speaking in a British accent from time to time, anyway)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on November 12, 2011, 07:11:20 pm
@pentium: yeah, maybe that's why she thinks i'm angry alot of the time. i was sick of this shit. :\
@bella: i was considering canada too, but a time article on the world economy says that right now, scandinavia is the place to be.

canada is likely my second bet, though.

@pentium(again): the time article also said that the us and the uk, being so similar, are two of the most volatile economies right now, having such a great wealth and class divide.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on November 12, 2011, 07:18:57 pm
If that's the case, then I'm pretty much screwed; the only other language I can speak is l33t, and there's no country in the world that speaks that
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on November 12, 2011, 07:32:38 pm
a lot more countries speak english than just those two. canada and sweden are both bilingual, with english being one of the languages.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on November 12, 2011, 07:38:24 pm
Ah ^_^

Well, it's bilingual around my hometown, too (English and Spanish), so it wouldn't be too different in Sweden
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on November 12, 2011, 08:03:46 pm
yeah. it's pretty sad, but the american dream is kind of a lie nowadays. according to time, we're poor, cause the average "middle class" family of 4 makes $66k a year. :\

we're getting OT, should we move this to topicless lest we derail the relationships thread?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on November 13, 2011, 09:17:12 am
Well, I have nothing else to say on that matter, so unless you want to continue this discussion in /Topicless, I think we can leave it there.

Returning to the subject of relationships, the events of this part summer did make me realize something about myself: I'm not the problem, it's the town I live in, or at the very least, the job I'm working now. If I where to move to somewhere better, or got a job where I'd work alongside more people around my age, I'm sure I'd find someone.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on November 13, 2011, 11:18:12 pm
that's likely, as small towns often yield less diversity than large cities (obviously, given population and oppertunity).
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on January 17, 2012, 11:35:15 pm
Pretty sure I overestimate the irrationality of my dad sometimes. His reaction to me finally admitting - as plainly as I could, which wasn't very, because I was extremely nervous the entire time - that I'm an LDR was mild surprise and something along the lines of (and I paraphrase heavily here) "Well I'D never want to date somebody who lives halfway across the country, but if it works for you, I don't care. Also, I'm not going to pay for any of your dates."

His lack of surprise was shocking to me... also, I have to start working on good excuses to be coincidentally in the same location as Stew. <//<;;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on January 17, 2012, 11:57:16 pm
parents don't have to be rational all the time. though it's better when they are, since irrational people are usually irresponsible people or immature people. :\

that said, good for you for getting it out in the open. and good luck getting past the mason dixon line. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on January 18, 2012, 12:05:30 am
No, I mean, my dad handled it with a lot more rationality than I thought he would... I was expecting him to throw every cliched parental response he could think of at me, yet he didn't. The entire thing felt a bit anticlimactic.... .___.;;;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on January 18, 2012, 12:10:42 am
maybe that's a good thing? :\ i was expecting him to completely invalidate your feelings again. so maybe this is a blessing.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on January 18, 2012, 12:15:33 am
@Bella: That's good. Better than my mom would do; pulling out the stupidest, Lifetime Original Movie grade bullshit as to why I shouldn't leave on an epic cross-country journey >:/
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on January 18, 2012, 12:33:35 am
silly mrs. grimes. EVERYONE knows that lifetime movies are as fake as i can't believe it's not butter. (except Gracie's Choice. that shit was GOOD.)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on January 18, 2012, 07:42:03 am
Parent/Child relations generally work best when they're not exploding in your face.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on January 18, 2012, 11:05:06 am
True that, Nej. I'm slowly losing respect for mom, because she seems to think I'm 10 when I'm almost 21 >_<

There are times where she actually seems reasonable and accepting of the fact I'm an adult, but then there are times where she seems to think I'm still a child. It's really hard to trust her when she feels my boss (Whom she used to work for) is a more trustworthy person than Kari
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on January 18, 2012, 12:50:59 pm
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on January 18, 2012, 12:10:42 am
maybe that's a good thing? :\ i was expecting him to completely invalidate your feelings again. so maybe this is a blessing.


1) That was a very good thing and 2) Yes, I was expecting him to invalidate my feelings as well. But he didn't. Sure, he voiced concern about me getting too involved or whatever, but that's a pretty reasonable thing to say given the circumstances - few people expect young(ish) or first love to last.


@Pentium: I really don't know how to give you advice, since that's never really an issue I had with my dad... he's incredibly protective of me, yes, but he's also respectful of my privacy, sometimes, it feels, too much so (IOW, to the point of not caring about my personal life), and supports my desire to make my own business, become a non-traditional student (when I have the means to go to college) and travel...
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on January 18, 2012, 01:23:27 pm
That's good. I honestly feel my mom has never respected my privacy; she may not be quite as bad now as she was about 5 years ago, but it still seems like I'm not allowed to have any privacy at all
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on January 18, 2012, 06:40:52 pm
my mum has a comfortable medium between your parents. she's protective of me till she realizes the thing she was protective of isn't a threat. then, she's cool.
as for privacy issues, i've been a private person since i was a kid. i let her in on the important stuff (medical, financial, political, school, and occasionally social issues), but in terms of my life, she leaves me be, which is all i really want.

as for my dad, i don't count him as a parent. he has no concepts of privacy, boundaries, or respect. as a result, he's kind of just like a room mate i hate that i can't kick out. :\

when i have an important issue that i can't talk to my mum about (relationship shit, other stuff she doesn't always get or overanalyzes), i talk to my friends or my sister. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on May 07, 2012, 08:38:28 pm
Today is Stew's and my one-year anniversary (according to when we changed our FB relationship statuses). :)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on May 07, 2012, 09:07:53 pm
Awesome ^_^

Today marks the 1-year anniversary of when I officially made the decision to try and meet up with Kari, after she invited me to come visit (Going by the date I first mentioned it in my journal). Now, one year later, I have everything in place to finally take her up on her offer; as we meet up for epic adventures, some anime, and plenty of Coca-Cola to go around :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 07, 2012, 11:19:02 pm
for me, today is the 1-year anniversary of.....nothing. though we watched Ben-to earlier today, and it's set about a year ago.

congradulations to you both. :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Pitkin on May 08, 2012, 05:23:11 pm
It's slightly over five years since Fedora-Tan and I went together. Around this date, five years ago. *nods*
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 08, 2012, 05:44:51 pm
Congradulations (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDajqW561KM) to all. :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on May 08, 2012, 07:04:21 pm
Quote from: Wikipedia on May 91945 - World War II: Ratification in Berlin-Karlshorst of the German unconditional surrender of May 8 in Rheims, France, with the signatures of Marshal Georgy Zhukov for the Soviet Union, and for the Western Headquarters Sir Arthur Tedder, British Air Marshal and Eisenhower's deputy, and for the German side of Colonel-General Hans-Jürgen Stumpff as the representative of the Luftwaffe, Field Marshal Wilhelm Keitel as the Chief of Staff of OKW, and Admiral Hans-Georg von Friedeburg as Commander-in-Chief of the Kriegsmarine.

Yeah, that or something.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 08, 2012, 07:09:02 pm
congradulations on the end of nazi germany? :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on May 08, 2012, 07:19:33 pm
I guess?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on May 08, 2012, 07:26:21 pm
Happy anniversary Pitkin-sama and Fedora-dono. : D

(I guess what they say about spring being the season for love is true?) ^^
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on May 08, 2012, 07:29:52 pm
@Pit: Happy anniversary ^_^
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on May 08, 2012, 07:39:17 pm
as i said before,

Quote from: Chocofreak13 on May 08, 2012, 05:44:51 pm
Congradulations (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDajqW561KM) to all. :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on August 12, 2012, 03:25:16 pm
So I finally mentioned to my dad that there's a possibility that I'll end up living with Stew at some point..


Hilarity Butthurt ensued.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on August 12, 2012, 03:54:28 pm
Seems kind of stupid to me that he'd be like that. I mean, isn't your brother living with his girlfriend, or am I mistaken? :\

If I was right, I guess it boils down to "firstborn can do whatever they want". As an example, my sister got away with so much as a kid, that if I even tried the exact same thing, I'd face automatic punishment. At a young age, my patents insisted demanded I address everybody as "sir" or "ma'am" and would often punish me for not addressing them as that; as addressing them as "mom" and "dad" was somehow disrespectful. Meanwhile, my sister merely addressed them as mom and dad; they did not punish her for not addressing them as "sir" or "ma'am", and whenever I'd point out they didn't force her to do the same, they refused to give me an answer as to why that was >_<;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on August 12, 2012, 05:47:36 pm
It has to do with the fact that living with Stew would probably entail moving 800+ miles away to a entirely foreign state, if Stew lived up here I don't think he'd give two shits about me living with him.

Actually, to give it proper context, this is how the conversation went:
Dad: Hey, wouldn't it be funny if [he] moved up here and ended up helping me out with my work?! /semijoking
Me: Actually, I think it's more likely that I'll end up moving to West Virginia and you'll end up with a Tiffany lamp with a tape recording of me attached to it. /serious
Dad: UGH AFTER I BUILT A HOUSE FOR YOU AND WORKED TO GIVE YOU THE LIFE YOU WANT HERE?!. /mopes for rest of lunch

Actually I do think dad's argument is air-tight given the available data: I eat, sleep and breathe New England, love my home and would be perfectly content spending the rest of my life here.... hell, I've even said that if I knew that some disaster was going to destroy my homeland, I'd rather stay and die with it than live in a world where it doesn't exist. He just doesn't know that being with Stew would be able to motivate me to leave, even if avoiding death wouldn't.

@Pent: That's really weird that they made you, and only you, call them "sir" and "ma'am", I've never heard of parents wanting their children to call them anything besides mom/dad before. o_____o
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on August 12, 2012, 06:22:35 pm
Ah. But, didn't Stew say something about moving to Maine for a job? :\

Also, on the whole thing with my parents forcing me to do that, it never made sense to me. Like, how it also often felt like it was ok for my sister to get pissed off at something, but if I get even the slightest bit irritated with something, I'd be yelled at, or in extreme cases, punished on the spot. Again, no answer as to why that is
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on August 12, 2012, 07:46:49 pm
Fathers like their daughters better than their sons

Trustorybro

It's genetic or something.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on August 12, 2012, 07:52:34 pm
@Pent: Technically he could end up anywhere, but he ultimately needs to go wherever he can get a job.

@Nej: It's probably deep-seated evolutionary fear of male children usurping them. It's common enough among animals, wouldn't be surprised if humans had some trace of it left in their psyches....
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on August 12, 2012, 08:34:12 pm
@Nej: It's actually more that, for the longest time, it felt like both parents liked my sister more; since she had far more freedoms than I did. For example, she could get away with having her hair cut into a boyish style, as well as wearing clothing from the boys department exclusively, and it was merely written off as her "tomboy phase", yet I wasn't allowed to wear a dress because "boys aren't supposed to wear dresses". Yay, double standard >_>;

@Bella: That seems plausible
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 12, 2012, 09:34:27 pm
@pent: i wouldn't consider the tomboy thing a double standard, since that's fairly prevalent in this country except among the most liberal of parents. why do you think the parents with the son who wore fairy princess outfits and played with barbies got on opera? :\
as for sir/ma'am, well, i'm a firm believer that your parents are just weird.

@bella: if and when you and stew start living together, you'll have to consider a number of factors, a major one being proximity to family. another major factor is proximity to a work environment. given that stew wanted to be a park ranger (am i still right on that?), he might have an easier time adjusting if he were to move here, so that you could continue to work with your father and his business. :\

@nej: untrue. i sincerly doubt that my dad really likes either of us. i think he wanted a son, but the closest thing he got was me. :\
if you want more evidence, or want to debate this further, i could ressurect that time magazine article on  the subject of parent-child favouritism.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on August 12, 2012, 11:38:44 pm
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on August 12, 2012, 09:34:27 pm

@bella: if and when you and stew start living together, you'll have to consider a number of factors, a major one being proximity to family. another major factor is proximity to a work environment. given that stew wanted to be a park ranger (am i still right on that?), he might have an easier time adjusting if he were to move here, so that you could continue to work with your father and his business. :\


Except there's only one post in my area, and he might not get that, and he has certain places that he wants to work, and since he's the one with the years of training in a certain field and a steady job and I'm the unemployed one, I basically have to go wherever he wants to if I want to be with him.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 13, 2012, 12:49:02 am
as i said, there are multiple factors to deal with for both of you. if you stay here, you basically have the guarentee of steady employment with your father. but if you go, stew has a greater chance of finding a job. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on August 13, 2012, 10:33:52 am
@Bella: The best advice I can offer is follow your heart :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 13, 2012, 11:35:17 am
as [cute, sweet, corny, cliche] as that is, which video game did you quote that from? xD
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on August 13, 2012, 11:45:04 am
I've heard it so many times from so many sources, that I honestly don't remember LOL
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 13, 2012, 12:35:35 pm
sage advice, if a tad cliche. xD
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on August 13, 2012, 12:42:25 pm
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on August 13, 2012, 12:49:02 am
as i said, there are multiple factors to deal with for both of you. if you stay here, you basically have the guarentee of steady employment with your father. but if you go, stew has a greater chance of finding a job. :\


Ehhhhhh, I've been working more-or-less pro bono for the last two years, so I'd hesitate to say that I have steady employment. I refuse to help him with the actual practicals of the business (like shooting and going to art shows), instead choosing to help with the "office stuff" (organization, scheduling, finding events, etc.)

I'm planning on starting my own business, and my dad even said that he'll help invest in the startup (which won't be less than several thousand dollars), so as long as Stew ends up someplace where I can find a market for my work, I could theoretically make as much money in his neck of the woods as I'd make up here.

Quote from: PentiumMMX on August 13, 2012, 10:33:52 am
@Bella: The best advice I can offer is follow your heart :3


Which is difficult when the two great loves of your life are a person and a geographic region. >>;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on August 13, 2012, 12:52:00 pm
Well, then my best advice is to break your own heart; so you can leave half of it in the New England area and give half to Stew -w-
</missing_the_point>
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: stewartsage on August 13, 2012, 05:29:45 pm
I'll get the saw.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on August 13, 2012, 05:52:16 pm
Quote from: PentiumMMX on August 13, 2012, 12:52:00 pm
Well, then my best advice is to break your own heart; so you can leave half of it in the New England area and give half to Stew -w-
</missing_the_point>


Quote from: stewartsage on August 13, 2012, 05:29:45 pm
I'll get the saw.


NO GUYS, GURO IS NOT THE ANSWER!
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on August 13, 2012, 05:59:30 pm
xD

I was wondering how long it'd take for you to comment on that
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 14, 2012, 12:59:11 am
@bella: you sure about that?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: SleepyD on August 20, 2012, 01:42:44 pm
........................reading this, I think I missed some important events over the years. Update? XD;

Alas, a relationship has yet to find me. I should probably go out to look for it myself, but that may be a bit difficult, considering my location away from most of my acquaintances and friends. (and.... I started this thread? really? man my memory sucks.)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on August 20, 2012, 02:19:12 pm
Well, here's what I know, relationship wise among the users:

- Bella and Stewartsage are in a relationship
- Pitkin and Fedora-tan got married
- I've yet to find anybody. Usually, the stars align in a way that a girl seems to show interest in me...and then something always happens that keeps it from getting any further than knowing each other on a first-name basis, before being torn apart :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 20, 2012, 02:29:20 pm
over time, the most romantically experienced person here (me) seems to have absorbed some of bella's asexual tendencies. i could seek a relationship with someone, but i'm choosing not to, since i don't want to right now. it's like harvest moon: plenty of prospects, but it's just not the right time. i have animals to feed and crops to tend. >w>;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on August 20, 2012, 02:36:04 pm

Quoteit's like harvest moon: plenty of prospects, but it's just not the right time. i have animals to feed and crops to tend. >w>;

That is now the officially most out-of-the-left-field reference EVER. XD
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 20, 2012, 02:40:42 pm
you're welcome, prospect! xD

(it really fits the situation, though. .__.; )
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on August 20, 2012, 02:45:46 pm
If we're going to start referencing video games in terms of wanting a relationship, for me it'd be more like Persona 3.

A strong social link makes me stronger. Therefore, if I got together with the perfect girl, I'd feel more badass than [take a pic: Batman, Bruce Lee, OpenVMS-tan]
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: SleepyD on August 20, 2012, 03:31:14 pm
Quote from: PentiumMMX on August 20, 2012, 02:19:12 pm
Well, here's what I know, relationship wise among the users:

- Bella and Stewartsage are in a relationship
- Pitkin and Fedora-tan got married
- I've yet to find anybody. Usually, the stars align in a way that a girl seems to show interest in me...and then something always happens that keeps it from getting any further than knowing each other on a first-name basis, before being torn apart :\

Well then. News to me. Hope they are having a good time, and hope for even better times for the future~

And... yeah, I can't seem to recall any girl showing an interest to me. Either that or I just don't hang out with people all that often or I'm completely oblivious.  Probably the former. Maaaybe the latter, but I'd hope I'd notice if a girl shows some interest in me.

Quote from: Chocofreak13 on August 20, 2012, 02:29:20 pm
over time, the most romantically experienced person here (me) seems to have absorbed some of bella's asexual tendencies. i could seek a relationship with someone, but i'm choosing not to, since i don't want to right now. it's like harvest moon: plenty of prospects, but it's just not the right time. i have animals to feed and crops to tend. >w>;

haha, nice.
I'm not asexual, but I guess the priority in getting a relationship has never been that high for me.
Although, now that I've graduated college and work a full time job a decent drive away from where the majority of my family and friends are, there's a distinct lack of social interaction that I'm missing. Therefore, the desire to get a relationship has gone up significantly. Still, I pretty much have as much relationship experience as a nerdy middle school kid, so... yeah. (And yet, people like to come to me for relationship advice, weird)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on August 20, 2012, 05:00:17 pm
....Is that really you, SleepyD? Or has my computer transported me into some kind of time-warp? @___@

Yep, Stew and I are dating now, it's still an LDR still but it's serious... we wanna live together sometime after he graduates and we have the money and means to do so. :)

Also, I feel like I have to mention that being asexual does not equate to having a lack of interest in dating ... the majority of aces I've encountered have been interested in finding a romantic partner or, in the case of aromantic aces, primary platonic partner(s). Though it can be pretty difficult, depending on their preferences - some aces are okay with dating non-asexual folks and even entering into a sexual relationships, others dislike sex and will only seek out other asexuals or folks with lower sex drives. Considering that only 1% or so of the population is asexual, the dating pool can be pretty small for aces seeking other aces.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: SleepyD on August 20, 2012, 06:13:03 pm
I wish you two good luck then. :3

And yes, indeed it is I. Or maybe my cosplaying Okabe caused a freakin' time loop thing. hm...

One of my friends in high school, somehow ended up being an asexuality awareness advocate. I don't think he set out to be one, but it's probably because he likes explaining things, and as a PhD physics student he has some experience talking to lecture halls and stuff. haha
I haven't talked to him in forever, but I did check out some of his stuff. But yeah, the fact that you can't peg all asexual people as "SEX--DO NOT WANT" makes it rather difficult to explain to those not willing to listen to an explanation longer than 2 minutes.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on August 20, 2012, 07:14:56 pm
Thank you so much.  And yeah, from what I saw on Facebook that WAS a pretty sweet cosplay ... you may've broken time with the awesomeness of it alone. :D

It's really interesting that you know an asexuality awareness advocate... I imagine it's somewhat difficult to raise awareness of, just because asexuality isn't as well-established in the public sphere as some of the better-known minority orientations. But you're right, there's a huge range of diversity among asexuals, which makes it a difficult orientation to explain sometimes. Often, people who aren't educated about asexuality will claim that people can't be aces if they have a sex drive, are in sexual relationships or like sex - which is erroneous, since asexuality simply describes a lack of sexual attraction to others, not a lack of sex drive or revulsion toward sex.

I'm really not sure how many aces are like this, though. I remember seeing some surveys on AVEN regarding the romantic and sexual likes and dislikes of its various members, but I can't recall what the findings were at the moment.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Krizonar on August 20, 2012, 08:37:35 pm
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on August 20, 2012, 02:29:20 pm
over time, the most romantically experienced person here (me)

that's rather arguable, I also have vast relationship experience!

Speaking of which, I and a girl from my college are (slowly) experimenting. I didn't want to bring it up earlier, but now's a good a time as any. I honestly don't think it is going to work out that way for either of us, because both of us are friend material to each other, but we may find something that can propel us into a relationship. I though am not sure if I truly want a relationship or are just lonely, it seems to be the latter, even though she is a wonderful girl.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 20, 2012, 08:44:06 pm
just like lipstick lesbians and aggressives are to the lesbian pool, there are multiple types of asexuals. after all, orientation culture is a very diverse one. you can't say that all gays are fairies, all lesbians are dykes, all bisexuals are sluts. all people are not created equal.

as for why i'm taking on more asexual tendencies, it might be because i'm looking for more romance than physical. it might be because every time i visit a particular friend of mine (with whom i have a complicated relationship; i love him, but what love means to him is up for speculation), he gets the urge to shove his tongue down my throat. while there was a time when this would have sent me jumping into his arms, nowadays the thought of it makes me cringe. it's not because of him, it's more because he's so pushy. in a way i feel bad, since the poor boy's like a cat in heat--horny damn near CONSTANTLY. (that's gotta hurt.) but all the same, i'm not ready for something like that anymore, and i don't know when i will be again. :\

also, sleepy has a facebook? where, where??

(@kriz: i believe i'm the most romantically experienced here. it's not to say that other people don't have experience too. but i believe i've been in the most relationships and done the most stuff. i don't want to detail it here, though. >>;; )
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: SleepyD on August 20, 2012, 10:58:29 pm
Quote from: Bella on August 20, 2012, 07:14:56 pm
Thank you so much.  And yeah, from what I saw on Facebook that WAS a pretty sweet cosplay ... you may've broken time with the awesomeness of it alone. :D

It's really interesting that you know an asexuality awareness advocate... I imagine it's somewhat difficult to raise awareness of, just because asexuality isn't as well-established in the public sphere as some of the better-known minority orientations. But you're right, there's a huge range of diversity among asexuals, which makes it a difficult orientation to explain sometimes. Often, people who aren't educated about asexuality will claim that people can't be aces if they have a sex drive, are in sexual relationships or like sex - which is erroneous, since asexuality simply describes a lack of sexual attraction to others, not a lack of sex drive or revulsion toward sex.

I'm really not sure how many aces are like this, though. I remember seeing some surveys on AVEN regarding the romantic and sexual likes and dislikes of its various members, but I can't recall what the findings were at the moment.

Haha, thank you.

And yeah, asexual people run the whole gamut with regards to their view of sex. And yep chocos, the generalization stuff is also unfairly applied to nearly all orientations, some more than others.

Quote from: Chocofreak13 on August 20, 2012, 08:44:06 pm
as for why i'm taking on more asexual tendencies, it might be because i'm looking for more romance than physical. it might be because every time i visit a particular friend of mine (with whom i have a complicated relationship; i love him, but what love means to him is up for speculation), he gets the urge to shove his tongue down my throat. while there was a time when this would have sent me jumping into his arms, nowadays the thought of it makes me cringe. it's not because of him, it's more because he's so pushy. in a way i feel bad, since the poor boy's like a cat in heat--horny damn near CONSTANTLY. (that's gotta hurt.) but all the same, i'm not ready for something like that anymore, and i don't know when i will be again. :\

also, sleepy has a facebook? where, where??

Haha, yeah, guys get uncontrollably horny sometimes. Some have more control than others. I think I fall somewhere in the middle. I may not have ever been in a relationship, let alone a physical one, but I think I'd prefer a slow gradual buildup if I were to get physical with someone. And I think then, you can get the romance and physical aspects at the same time, yeah?

And check PMs. heh
(In other news, that's the first PM I've sent since 2007)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on August 20, 2012, 11:13:50 pm
@Sleepy: When it comes to guys being able to control their horny-ness, I feel I have very strong control over it. I don't really feel comfortable going into details, but all I'll say is that I've managed to keep from saying something very stupid on multiple occasions ^_^;;

I suppose what helped was getting in touch with my inner zen and becoming a panda apprentice -w-
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on August 21, 2012, 12:06:16 am
I don't want to reveal too much personal information, but there's a reason Stew and I joke that he manages to out-asexual me despite being straight. (Maybe I'm just a really bad ace though, hah.)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 21, 2012, 01:26:08 pm
@sleepyd: sweet, i'm the lucky recipient of a dusty old message! *doot-doot-de-doot-doot-doo*

tbh, i wouldn't even call it guys and control. out of the guys i've dated, he's by far the most randy. >>;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on August 21, 2012, 04:20:11 pm
FUCKING TESTOSTERONE FUCKING SUCKS.


It makes me lose my hair and my level head.
FUCK TESTOSTERONE, REALLY.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 22, 2012, 02:03:56 am
you've gone bald? :0

and is it an imbalance, or are you just PARTICULARLY MANLY? :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on August 22, 2012, 03:29:16 am
Lol. No, still as fabulously long-haired as ever, fear not. But though it seems I will avoid the worst of the brunt of hair loss that runs in my dad's side of the family, I still have the TOTAL TESTOSTERONE OVERDOSE that runs in it. Great for muscle growth and such, but gives you those triangular indents in the hairline AND DEEP.

But I guess I'll be fine. I'm a PARTICULARLY MANLY viking after all. ^ ^
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on August 22, 2012, 09:22:09 am
There actually doesn't seem to be a history of hair loss in either side of my family; as both my grandfathers still have a full head of hair. So, I should be fine :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 22, 2012, 10:52:42 am
no hint of hair loss in the family. but going grey rather early seems to be a trait.
while most would see this as a curse, i see an opportunity: i can have blue hair without needing to bleach. -w-
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on August 22, 2012, 08:39:41 pm
@Kari:  I'm glad I'm not the only one who's looking forward to going grey because it will make hair-dying easier! Though my parents didn't start greying until well into their 40s, if memory serves right.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: SleepyD on August 23, 2012, 12:06:33 am
Ah. There's no balding on either side of my family, but the men on my dad's side have early graying of the hair. I have the occasional white hair of my own every so often. I don't think it'll ever get fully white until much MUCH later. I guess I'll just have that "salt n peppa" sort of hair in the years to come.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on August 23, 2012, 11:22:08 pm
i once had a therapist who told me she had gone grey in her early 20's. she embraced it, and it looked alright on her. she was a bitch, so idc really.

my uncle went grey early on, though, so i might do the same depending on genetics. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on September 19, 2012, 07:55:08 pm
I'm almost certain that I'm going to look back at this post and be annoyed at myself for writing it while I felt like shit, but I don't care, I have to vent:

I'm so annoyed by my brother (and dad, to a lesser extent) right now... apparently the former didn't know I'm dating (I pretty much never talk about my personal life with him, but I thought i'd dropped enough hints to make it clear I'm in a relationship. Or that dad had told him already, since he tends to be a bit gossipy.) Anyway, he reacted with LAUGHTER, and not the "good" kind either, and then went on to jokingly, but no less painfully say a bunch of negative bullshit (which is kind of characteristic of him, since he's a horribly cynical person for not altogether unjustified reasons) and joke that my dad "put an end to [the relationship]", talking over me like I'm a two-year-old or something (which is kind of a bad habit of his). My dad tried to stick up for me, but it was pretty weak and he seemed to view my brother's words as jesting, not terribly condescending. =__=

Then there was the point where my dad tried to hint that I am asexual, but it flew right over his head and he reacted with more obnoxious flippancy. I've taken it pretty badly; along with some other (unrelated) things that were said and upset me, I've been on the brink of tears since dinner. I just feel so isolated and disrespected because of how and who I love sometimes, and this is one of them. ><
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on September 19, 2012, 08:20:21 pm
*hug*

I know what it's like to feel that way. I often feel isolated and disrespected at family gatherings with my mom's side, because I'm not as well off as my older cousin (Who has a sporty car from '09, a job, a girlfriend, is living on his own, and is going to college, while I currently drive an SUV from '88, lost my job, have never had a girlfriend ever, and have almost zero interest in going to college at the moment), or nobody knows who I am (At family reunions, everybody knows about my older and younger cousins, while they meet my sister and I and are like "Wait...[Penti's mom] got married and had children?")
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 19, 2012, 08:39:14 pm
@bella: >:[
needless to say, if i ever meet this person, i'm going to give him a stern talking to.
some people don't realize how condescending they're being. if he starts being that way again, i want you to get angry. not polite angry, not fluttershy angry, ANGRY. real, macho-man-randy-savage-angry. it's YOUR life, YOURS to live, YOUR relationship with someone you really care about. and NO ONE has the right to talk down to you, family or not.

and if he DOES realize how condescending he's being, but doesn't care, then stop talking to the bastard. brother or not, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life. >:[
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: SleepyD on September 20, 2012, 03:44:07 pm
There's a time an place for everything. In my (all-boys) high school, such banter was often expected, and it was usually so over the top that no one took these things seriously.

If he doesn't sense that it hurts you, then something's wrong with his people skills development. "Kuuki yomenai" as the Japanese would say--"can't read the atmosphere".  If he does sense that, then he's a plain jerkoff, really. Even my rude, crude high school friends had the decency to back off when the situation called for it.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 20, 2012, 04:25:47 pm
(currently posting from tanky.) well said, man. and now i know a new japanese phrase. -w-
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on April 17, 2013, 02:48:34 am
Since I wanted to elaborate more on the whole thing brought up in Context Quote, I figured I'd revive this old topic

Sometimes, I think I might be borderline asexual, if that's even the right term to describe me. I mean, while I do have some interest in sex, and do occasionally find myself thinking about it, it just doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me; I wouldn't think a lack of it would break a relationship. After all, I'd rather snuggle with someone than do anything naughty.

I think demisexual might be more accurate; given how I usually don't feel any sexual attraction to someone until I get to know them well, and even then, the same rules of seeing sex as not being a big deal still apply. Just, it feels rare for me to get to know someone that closely and for them to not already have someone (Which renders any sexual attraction to them void; since I'm not the sort of person to try and tear a couple apart). Also, to get to know someone that closely in person; as I'm not that great with smalltalk if I'm not very familiar with a person, and can't really think of anything to break the ice.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 17, 2013, 03:20:42 am
i'm only really attracted to anime guys these days.....
basically, while i can find people attractive, the only persons i'd have any interest in starting a relationship with all have amazing eyes and hair (they're anime).
people might think i'm weird for that, but as far as i'm concerned, haters gonna hate. i'm happiest when it's just me and the plushies.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on April 17, 2013, 07:18:55 am
That just means you're cynical enough to realize there's no point in chasing love around, so your subconscious is going to wait it out until you run across a bombshell you can't refuse. Or finds a Childhood Friend somewhere that suddenly is more than that. Or something.

Probably.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on April 17, 2013, 10:11:32 am
Quote from: PentiumMMX on April 17, 2013, 02:48:34 am
Sometimes, I think I might be borderline asexual, if that's even the right term to describe me. I mean, while I do have some interest in sex, and do occasionally find myself thinking about it, it just doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me; I wouldn't think a lack of it would break a relationship. After all, I'd rather snuggle with someone than do anything naughty.


Gray-asexuality (http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Grey-A) (of which demisexuality is a part) is a thing; basically, "normal sexuality"* and asexuality exist on a spectrum, and anyone who is in-between being "typically" sexual and fully lacking sexuality could identify as gray-asexual.

*I put this in parentheses because there isn't really a definition of what defines "typical sexuality". I mean, people are said to be heterosexual, bisexual, pansexual, gay, etc. when they routinely experience sexual attraction for members of the same/opposite/other sexes and genders, but there's no way of objectively knowing what the line between gray-asexuality and "normal sexuality" is.

Quote from: Chocofreak13 on April 17, 2013, 03:20:42 am
i'm only really attracted to anime guys these days.....
basically, while i can find people attractive, the only persons i'd have any interest in starting a relationship with all have amazing eyes and hair (they're anime).
people might think i'm weird for that, but as far as i'm concerned, haters gonna hate. i'm happiest when it's just me and the plushies.


Your experiences parallel my own, somewhat - for as long as I can remember I've been more prone to falling in love with fictional characters over real living human beings. (Though in both cases, I suppose it's more a matter of getting crushes/squishes; since I can't say I remember ever wishing I could have sex with any of those characters / people [it's more a matter of wishing I could date them and get to know them better, lol]) ^^;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on April 17, 2013, 10:28:32 am
The part where you find yourself more attracted to fictional characters is less of a question of actual sexuality, and more of a question of information abundance. Basically, most fictional character you come across in major works, you get to know very very well quite fast; things aren't as simple with real people, as we all know (unless you have a spy team at hand or something, but then you have a totally different problem) and actually getting past the barrier of facades most people put up is quite a difficult task for most people.

After all, it's easier to be attracted to someone you know well, rather than taking chances with getting to know someone who might turn out not at all as you hoped, and besides, they might interfere with the rest of your life as well.

Basically, it takes balls to fall in love with a real person.
Actually going balls deep takes a lot. And, a window of opportunity as well.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on April 17, 2013, 11:23:08 am
Indeed. I've had more sexual interest in, say, 2k-tan than most real people; but that likely comes more from being more familiar with her as a person than most real people (After all, she's one of the main characters in my stories).

I suppose my main problem is that it's hard for me to make friends IRL if I know little about them beforehand; as I find it hard to break the ice. There's a new girl at work who has caught my attention, yet I can't figure out how to go about getting to know her. Maybe if I see her tonight, I might try to say something

@Bella: Interesting. I figured you'd know something to describe it ^^
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 17, 2013, 11:48:10 am
pssh, fictional to you. >>;;


Quote from: NejinOniwa on April 17, 2013, 07:18:55 am
That just means you're cynical enough to realize there's no point in chasing love around, so your subconscious is going to wait it out until you run across a bombshell you can't refuse. Or finds a Childhood Friend somewhere that suddenly is more than that. Or something.

Probably.


what are you saying...? :0
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on April 17, 2013, 12:11:43 pm
Not to sound melodramatic, but my love life can be summarized fairly accurately by a certain Green Day song... Broken Dreams, Boulevard of, etc. -_-

Knowing every mechanism of it doesn't make it much better, either. I'm stuck watching the game from behind bulletproof glass, knowing all the rules and moves but without practice in any of them and nobody to practice them on - and it's been going on to the point where I'm not even interested in trying to practice them, let alone dare try to use them seriously if I should end up running into someone I can't get off my mind, so I'll either just stand by passively until someone else takes the chance, or end up bungling it all horribly.

I'm an author, not a people person. Sigh. -_-
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 17, 2013, 12:14:57 pm
i've resigned myself to solitude, and honestly, with my track record plushies make better companions than real people anyway. they don't hurt you, they don't betray you, and they're always there for you. they're what's kept me alive for 10 years, after all~
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on April 17, 2013, 12:34:21 pm
I've pretty much been in solitary confinement for as long as I can remember; the only contact with the outside world I had as a kid was at church, and there I was universally bullied for being different (My problems with being open about my interests IRL stems from that). For me personally, it's kind of lonely; while sometimes being away from people is nice, sometimes I wish I could call someone and say "let's get some donuts and hang out"
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 17, 2013, 01:12:32 pm
tbh that'll be quelled once you get here, but i understand what you mean. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: SleepyD on April 17, 2013, 08:23:08 pm
I'm decidedly a sexual male, with fairly strong desires. Certainly it's easier to be attracted to a fictional character, since my mind will naturally "fill in the blanks" with the ideal mate. It's never like that, and there will always be aspects to a person that one may not like. Still looking. Though, never having been in a relationship is difficult. I don't have any experience in the courtship thing.

I am fairly isolated, but I do have a large network of friends and acquaintances that I can reach out to, not just online, but physically as well. Alas, for the girls that I am attracted to in my network, usually in my first meeting I'll find they are A) waaay too young or B) already taken, and the motivation to pursue is all but gone. So I try to cast a wider net, particularly at anime cons, and see where it'll lead. Alas, it is a slow process. I can only manage to open up to a couple people per convention weekend. ^^;

=========================
RAMBLING ALERT, SLEEPY HAS TO VENT A BIT:

On a tangent, I've recently found myself in a place in a group of friends where I'm helping someone deal with his sexual desires/fetishes and isolation. I could sense that loneliness and I honestly could relate to a number of things (one is worrying about sharing my fetishes with people), so I offered my support. Every time he tries to find a sexual partner, it never pans out. Unlike me, he actively tries to do so, which probably makes his frustration much worse than mine. It's not in my nor his nature to actively seek out a relationship--we're both fairly reserved people. But he's fed up with waiting for a girlfriend to just somehow fall in his lap. Similar to me, he's never known what a starting a relationship is like, and without any of that experience, all this rejection is taking a mental toll.

At the same time, I'm lending my ear to a mutual friend who has had horrible past experiences with other men of a similar persuasion. By which, I mean the expectation of sex from a relationship (usually coming from a self-professed "nice guy"). She doesn't want to get involved in our discussion since she feels her resentment towards those men in her past will unjustly leak to him. It's a great courtesy and a testament to her self-awareness, but there is some internal conflict going on here that I want to help her out with.

The former guy seems to have a good head on his shoulders at the moment, so I don't believe he will harbor resentment toward the girls he approaches for not accepting his proposals, which led to the problems the latter girl had in her past. The girl is also on the asexual side of the spectrum (but not completely so), so I'm sure she finds it difficult to relate on an empathetic level with his sexual needs/wants. Empathy is her (and my) primary method of helping people out, and I imagine it's very frustrating to have a negative reaction to his venting rather than feelings of support. We're both similar in personality in that we can't stand to see a friend of ours be troubled like that, so it's hard to ignore.

It's... difficult, really. Both are justified in their feelings, I think. It's like I'm tiptoeing around eggshells while at the same time trying to offer my support to both. I probably already said too much though... It's pretty personal. I just needed to get this off my chest to someone unrelated. My brain has been running on overdrive over the past couple days. It just wants to keep asking questions and probe some more, but I know I shouldn't do that. Not all at once anyway.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 17, 2013, 11:27:43 pm
as empathetic as she wants to be, she should stay out of it since she has a personal stake in the matter, having been in their shoes. you on the other hand, keep listening but don't meddle; if they have a confrontation, they'll have a confrontation. putting it off just makes it worse. and i'm speaking from experience here. (srsly, how did i end up the most life-experienced one here lololol)


i'm beginning to regret telling you guys about the anime thing. there were some other secrets of mine that i was thinking about revealing to OSC since i trust you guys, but i guess it's a good thing i didn't. and here i thought OSC was a judgement-free zone. >>;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on April 17, 2013, 11:39:10 pm
I've re-read these comments like three times, and I didn't see a shred of judgement anyplace. That being said, I can't speak for the others but I certainly didn't judge you. After all, I admitted to being more prone to falling for fictional characters than real people too. -w-
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on April 18, 2013, 12:07:07 am
It's less a case of judgment and more a case of I know dat feel, really. Stop worrying, minion.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on April 18, 2013, 12:10:15 am
Thirded. I mean, I've had more crushes on anime \ video game \ cartoon characters than anything. I don't see it as anything to be ashamed of
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 18, 2013, 12:25:22 am
it's hard to put into words. but re-reading the comments just makes me feel more awkward about baring my soul to you guys. still don't feel like people get it.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on April 18, 2013, 01:03:54 am
There's nothing wrong with that. If you don't feel like disclosing something, don't feel like you have to ... gawd knows I love you guys like family, but there are things I prefer to keep to myself, or between me and whomever it concerns. Even family members are entitled to their secrets...

That being said, don't feel bad or awkward. I didn't think there was anything unusual or awkward about what you wrote; on the contrary, it's nice knowing that there are people who're in the same boat at me. (Or at least a similar one.) ^^'
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: SleepyD on April 18, 2013, 01:11:02 am
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on April 17, 2013, 11:27:43 pm
as empathetic as she wants to be, she should stay out of it since she has a personal stake in the matter, having been in their shoes. you on the other hand, keep listening but don't meddle; if they have a confrontation, they'll have a confrontation. putting it off just makes it worse. and i'm speaking from experience here. (srsly, how did i end up the most life-experienced one here lololol)

I don't expect a conflict between these two. I don't think they're putting off anything. It's more dealing with their own feelings and how they can't control the world around them that causes these negative feelings.

Any argument between the two will probably end up with both of them wallowing in their own thoughts going "why did I do that?" etc. They're both very cerebral and conflict-avoidant, so something else drastic has to happen to even cause an argument in the first place.

I'm not so much a moderator between two opposing fronts as I am a counselor for two people at this stage. Their main problems just happen to indirectly involve each other.

Quote from: Chocofreak13 on April 17, 2013, 11:27:43 pm
i'm beginning to regret telling you guys about the anime thing. there were some other secrets of mine that i was thinking about revealing to OSC since i trust you guys, but i guess it's a good thing i didn't. and here i thought OSC was a judgement-free zone. >>;

Quote from: Chocofreak13 on April 18, 2013, 12:25:22 am
it's hard to put into words. but re-reading the comments just makes me feel more awkward about baring my soul to you guys. still don't feel like people get it.

I will concur with the others that I did not see any judgement here. A lot of it was relating your anime thing with our own personal experiences. It's definitely not the same thing between all of us for sure, and we're certainly not saying the way we think about it is how you should think about it. Basically, we're sharing similar experiences to induce further discussion.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 18, 2013, 01:34:44 am
she should still avoid talking to him about the matter, as he might see it as "that kind of girl" talking down to him. i know i'd feel that way were i in his shoes.


the judgement lies in that i blur the line of "real". but as bella said, it's better kept to myself. a pity, though, since closing myself up about this means closing myself up about other, darker secrets that are probably better out in the open....
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: SleepyD on April 18, 2013, 02:17:05 am
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on April 18, 2013, 01:34:44 am
she should still avoid talking to him about the matter, as he might see it as "that kind of girl" talking down to him. i know i'd feel that way were i in his shoes.


the judgement lies in that i blur the line of "real". but as bella said, it's better kept to myself. a pity, though, since closing myself up about this means closing myself up about other, darker secrets that are probably better out in the open....

Right, that's what she decided on doing anyway. We certainly don't want to stop all contact, that would be just as disconcerting. She'll just avoid entering any discussion on the matter.

We have been talking a lot about human sexuality lately due to this. And we've been talking about the male perspective on things, 2D/3D porn, and fetishes. At the very least I think she understands it on a logical level. Actually getting it emotionally, well, that takes time, and must be done on her own terms.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 18, 2013, 09:56:44 am
yeah, that seems like the best route. it's a touchy topic at best anyway, i can tell. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: SleepyD on April 18, 2013, 03:54:50 pm
It's touchy, but they're respecting each other's space. We're all still on good terms at the moment. I'd really hate to see it devolve into something messy.

It's an interesting emotional exercise to say the least. All three of us are not the type to have emotional outbursts of any kind, usually facing the world with a calm facade. It isn't readily obvious that any of us are troubled by anything. Only our closest contacts would know.

On that note, how about I change the topic a bit. I'm fairly sure I test as INFP on the Myers-Briggs personality test.
Here's a good explanation by contrast that really resonates with me and my internal motivations: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wAlL99vDn4
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: alfonso_rd_30 on April 18, 2013, 05:58:52 pm
mmm... kari... I can relate... I have several fan-fictions, a website in construction and 2 wikis about my "love life" with "Fictional" characters...

So, since we are Opening up, I'm Alfonso Rodriguez and I'm not a Terrorist (sorry I couldn't resist) and this is my Story...

Once upon a time was this guy, chubby, kinda cuteish (and has been described as tough once)... whom had ended his Kinder-garden period and was starting his elementary school... in his classroom there was this girl, a beauty for her age, and that was noticed by the boy, and the "jock" of the classroom... so most days the boy would  "fight" over her with the jock... as he seemed to lust for her too... yet fate was kinda kind with the boy, since the object of his affection live nearby his home... so every day, he would walk back home with his older sister, leave his stuff home, and head to the house of the girl in question... enjoying the afternoons with her... playing, frolicking, and watching Mazinger Z thanks to her having a satellite dish... sometimes not bothering to leave his stuff home and walking her home... Alas good times didn't last and in the end of that school year the girl had to move to the north... and the boy lost his first love... the rest of elementary school was dull and bohring, the boy grew up as normal as he could... then it came... Middle school...

Middle school was a weird stage... as in elementary he never had a circle of friends, but only one or two associates, in middle school things changed.. his grades dropped but he had a circle of at least four friends thru the entire three years... Here the boy had a couple of incidents... The first one has been related, as there was a not too good looking girl professing her undying love for him daily on his way back home, unfortunately for her, he was not ready to "like like" girls so he rejected her... several times, during the time she was infatuated on him... the second, on the last year of middle school there was a transfer to his classroom... a girl... for that time he had started having desire of a girlfriend... and upon seeing her he fell in love.

the girl was a bit chubby, but her face was perfect, curly bangs, pouty big lips and a beauty mark near them... here the boy did the biggest mistake of his life...

he decided to ask her out, unfortunately he did so in the classroom... full with his peers, so she was forced to accept... and he got himself a girlfriend, for a whole week... was he so happy, so ecstasied he failed to notice the poor girl's suffering and humiliation... in private she requested him to end the forced compromise, and he saw how much he had hurt her, so he did the right thing and dumped her... in public too, so she wouldn't suffer, no matter how much he was hurt...

Then it came Junior high... ahh junior High... here he found the answer to his life's passion: computers, but it also brought something else... the beauty of his early years returned... she "came back" to him... unfortunately, they didn't share classroom those three years, but they shared passion: soccer...  the first couple years He got some friends out of his age zone... older friends, upperclassmen, whom were part of the school indoor soccer selective... those friends helped him grow, despite the growing rift with her still protective older sister, and ith them his beloved came back... she was one of the first chosen from the freshmen to be on the team... and they both hanged around the upperclassmen, there he would try to court her, but she was not interested, he asked her out, in private this time, but she was not interested, but decided to stay friends... he could be her friend, he would not give up...  there he had one of his biggest accomplishments, well two actually, since he was the one training the goalkeeper of the womens indoor soccer selective, and his classroom team almost got to the finals of the inter school tournament, with a brilliant yet late performance of his, yet in his lovelife it all went downhill...

the girl decided to date one of the upperclassmen behind her mother's back... an unwise move, so she begged the boy to keep the secret... which he did... unfortunately, the mother still found out... so she thought that him, out of spite, had tailed on her... despite seeing how both he and the upperclassman agreed and accepted her choice of lover, and decided to unfriend and ignore him... forever... the last time he saw her was at a grocery store, she was with her mother, whom complimented how good boyfriend material and man itself was the boy to the saleslady, only to hear the girl mutter how untrue that was, so the boy did make his shopping, silent the entire time, and got back home... frustrated of her gall.. the last thing the boy heard of her, was that she was a lesbian... long after he found out the upperclassman, whom told her how much of a slut she was, and the boy still defended her...

finally (the Rock is back...! again couldn't help it...) came High school... and trust me, HighSchool is no Musical... here he found his last love... an older woman... he met her in the place of his dreams: an arcade... he was to record some music from an arcade, and said arcade was found out the suburbs he lives, so he took advantage of him switching to an afternoon school to go in the morning to do that recording... to which the clerk was so nice to him, it was love at first sight... he found her cute, smart and liked the video games as he did... no matter if she was 4 years older than him, he courted her... To whatever place she was switched, he tracked her down... he gave her copies of his first fanfiction, and was the first one to cause him an erection... he once stole a kiss from her lips... the most amazing thing he had experienced...

Again fate conspired against him... both his parents disapproved his desire to marry her (His mother even telling him that why should he settle with an "used" woman...) and the woman deciding to try to rekindle her old relationship, for the sake of her kids... alas, they had to get apart...

and this has been my love life, tear it apart OSC
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 18, 2013, 08:17:21 pm
sucks that your parents didn't approve. arcade lady sounds nice. :\ (and what do they mean, "used" woman!?)

@sleepy: i'm INFP.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: SleepyD on April 18, 2013, 11:04:13 pm
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on April 18, 2013, 08:17:21 pm
@sleepy: i'm INFP.

Huh, that's interesting. I would have pegged you as an SP type. E/I-SFP, specifically, is my guess.
At least, that's the image I get from what you post.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on April 18, 2013, 11:27:17 pm
I'm gloriously split both ways, filling up lots of different types all at once and switching between them as I go.

I have limited ammunition for some of them, though; I can be very extrovert and talkative at times (like at big parties and stuff), but I usually run out of patience after an hour or three.

I'm like Arceus jugglin' all these types yo dawg
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: alfonso_rd_30 on April 18, 2013, 11:29:30 pm
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on April 18, 2013, 08:17:21 pm
sucks that your parents didn't approve. arcade lady sounds nice. :\ (and what do they mean, "used" woman!?)


she was nice, but she had already had a couple kids... ergo, not a virgin, ergo "used"
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on April 18, 2013, 11:52:46 pm
@Sleepy: What is INFP? :\

@Nej: I can be like that. Generally I'm very quiet and keep to myself, but sometimes I'm talkative
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on April 19, 2013, 12:40:30 am
Lol @ "used/damaged goods". What are they, otaku fanboys obsessing over their Waifu or something?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: SleepyD on April 19, 2013, 01:28:12 am
@Pent: INFP is one of 16 types of the MBTI/Myers-Briggs personality thing.

@Nejin: since you say you need a break from socializing after a while in order to recharge, that squarely pegs you as an introvert. All types have introverted and extroverted traits. The E/I part just gives you your main function.

It's important that you don't take the letters as isolated from each other. NF's are quite different from NT's, for example. The combination of letters defines your overall type, and cognitive functions: Feeling, iNtuition, Thinking, and Sensing.

INFP is as follows:
Primary: Introverted Feeling
"Being inward-turning, the natural attraction is away from world and toward essence and ideal." I hold myself to these idealistic standards, which makes me tend to perfectionism. I also will attach worth to all things, people and inanimate objects, based on the good they provide to my inner world. This ideal also makes me want to avoid conflict, while at the same time, wanting to solve conflict in order to maintain this harmonious ideal.

Secondary: Extraverted iNtuition
Constantly exploring alternatives to things. Never seeing things in black and white. More concerned about the big picture rather than delving deep into a single topic. "Extraverted intuition faces outward, greeting the world on behalf of [Introverted] Feeling. What the observer usually sees is creativity with implied good will. Intuition spawns this type's philosophical bent and strengthens pattern perception."

Tertiary: Introverted Sensing
I reference and re-live past experiences a lot to make judgments in the present and future. "This stealth function in the third position gives INFPs a natural inclination toward absent-mindedness and other-worldliness, however, Feeling's strong people awareness provides a balancing, mitigating effect."

Inferior: Extraverted Thinking
Weakest function, this function sees how to get things done and the most efficient way to do it. If harnessed, I can keep my intuition and feeling functions in check so that I can stop getting distracted and get things done. Being my weakest function, it's not easy for me to do so, but I am definitely capable of this method of thought. Also being my weakest function, it can manifest itself when my core values are attacked, and I become a stubborn bastard--stark contrast to the wishy washy, idealistic feeling and intuitive functions.



There's always a bad side to things, even with my primary feeling function. My introverted feeling can (and has) come off as selfish. As in, "I'm only helping you because that will make me feel better." I often have no answer to that... usually it happens in an argument, and I can't completely deny it. It makes me feel like crap.

Oh also, my personality type really like to learn about myself, so this personality typing is VERY appealing to me. haha
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on April 19, 2013, 01:55:43 am
Interesting

I'm not sure if this fits in with that, but I have a tendency to try to think things over; like, if something is bothering me, I try to figure out what the cause is. It's far from perfect, as sometimes I reach the wrong conclusion ^^;;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: SleepyD on April 19, 2013, 02:35:31 am
Basically, the myers-briggs typing tries to categorize how you see, think, and interact with the world around you and with yourself.

There are 16 different combinations of types, and I find it fascinating that how well they describe things. Of course, one must take care not to stereotype according to this stuff. We're all different and even having 16 boxes for people leaves a LOT of room for variation within a single type.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 19, 2013, 04:32:13 am
figure out your type here.
http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/

1. outside world sucks compared to my private heaven. it's like the Evanessence song "Imaginary".
2. like my mum, i tend to speculate about things when i don't have all the facts. filling in the blanks, if you will.
3. just like how i like music on a song-by-song basis and anime on a series-by-series basis rather than following a particular band or genre, i see every situation as different. you can't generalize life.
4. keeping an open mind is an important part of creativity. i question every truth, even things well-established, like reality. (after all, what proof do we have that we AREN'T merely sims being created and played with in some computer simulation by some larger entity?)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on April 19, 2013, 11:48:47 am
So, apparently I'm an ISFP

1: When at work, I rarely socialize; preferring to focus more on my job than anything else. I do occasionally talk with others, but I'd rather focus on doing my job well. I don't like not being around people, but it's a matter of wanting to be around like-minded people; which feels rare.
2: I tend to have a pretty good memory of things that happened to me. Also, I prefer to work with the facts when figuring out something, but will resort to speculation if I don't have all the clues.
3: I do think more about trying to keep the peace, and also try to think of what would be best for me and my friends
4: I tend to be very casual and often spontaneous. However, that's not to say I like it when people spring plans on me at the absolute last minute; as far as work goes, I prefer to be kept on a regular schedule.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: SleepyD on April 19, 2013, 01:06:19 pm
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on April 19, 2013, 04:32:13 am
figure out your type here.
http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/

1. outside world sucks compared to my private heaven. it's like the Evanessence song "Imaginary".
2. like my mum, i tend to speculate about things when i don't have all the facts. filling in the blanks, if you will.
3. just like how i like music on a song-by-song basis and anime on a series-by-series basis rather than following a particular band or genre, i see every situation as different. you can't generalize life.
4. keeping an open mind is an important part of creativity. i question every truth, even things well-established, like reality. (after all, what proof do we have that we AREN'T merely sims being created and played with in some computer simulation by some larger entity?)

your sentiment in 1 seems to go a little against my experience as an INFP in that while I do prefer my internal world over the outside, I still regard the world as inherently good. But, there are more cynical INFPs out there that are completely disillusioned with the world. That said, seeing things through rose-colored glasses is a very INFP trait to have. I imagine INFPs that have rejected the world aren't very happy, since it really goes against that desire for harmony.


Also, I've found that this long test is more accurate than most tests I've taken. http://similarminds.com/embj.html
It also has a link to a shorter test if you don't have the time.

Every time, I'm comfortably INFP. Of course, I don't take it too often. There's a bias that sets in where you end up marking things that are for your type instead of what you really feel yourself.
In addition, it scores the enneagram type, of which mine is Type 9. info on that here: https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/TypeNine.asp#.UXF6jcr67Eg

Pent: I love this guy's videos, and I wish he'd make more:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46DE98XLeEo
Do you relate?
He also makes an important point that the types are NOT a limiting thing. No one type is any better in any task than another. They just go about them differently and get enjoyment from different things in different ways.

Also, ISFP and INFP has the same primary function, with internal feeling, which makes sense to me, given our past conversations.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: alfonso_rd_30 on April 19, 2013, 04:44:11 pm
<-- INTJ
Have original minds and great drive for implementing their ideas and achieving their goals. Quickly see patterns in external events and develop long-range explanatory perspectives. When committed, organize a job and carry it through. Skeptical and independent, have high standards of competence and performance - for themselves and others.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on April 19, 2013, 05:23:37 pm
Quote from: SleepyD on April 18, 2013, 03:54:50 pm
On that note, how about I change the topic a bit. I'm fairly sure I test as INFP on the Myers-Briggs personality test.
Here's a good explanation by contrast that really resonates with me and my internal motivations: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wAlL99vDn4


I got INFP on an online Myers-Briggs personality test. However, it seemed a bit short and the site looked a little sketchy, so I'll have to retake it on the site you linked. -w-
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: SleepyD on April 19, 2013, 05:34:46 pm
interesting interesting. Feel free to continue posting types. Looks like we're mostly (if not all) introverted here.

So to keep this topic from getting too stuck in this MBTI stuff. I want to pose a tangentially related question:
What sort of impression do I give to you? Good things? Bad things?
Do I come off as a know-it-all? Is there something that you don't "get" about me? I know that I don't talk to you all as much, but I'm curious.

I have a tendency to act defensive upon criticism, but I will say ahead of time that I will not hold it against you. I may explain myself, or I may consider your thoughts as something to keep in mind in the future.

I ask because, for one thing, I do have trouble getting past the initial stage of meeting new people and turning these into friendships, let alone building an intimate relationship. I'm curious to see if you have thoughts about the sort of impression I make on people that could help me.

I have no trouble meeting new people, it's more opening up and building a relationship. At the moment, my absolute best friendships are ones primarily cultivated online. I'd love to be able to take that and apply it to real life encounters.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on April 19, 2013, 05:54:31 pm
I've always had a favorable impression of you. You seem very knowledgeable and articulate, but without any arrogance or know-it-all tendencies. Whenever you talk about a subject I'm interested in I tend to listen, though I may not reply (or reply in full) since I'm not as good at voicing my thoughts / feelings on certain subjects and don't want to sound dumb or lazy because of it.

In short, you seem like an intelligent and likable person, the kind of person I'd like to know and hang out with if I had the ability to. ^^ (We should talk on Skype sometime, though I will warn you I'm often not the best at starting or keeping conversations going...)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on April 19, 2013, 06:15:38 pm
I think you're a pretty cool guy. You're usually very relaxed and understanding, and it feels genuine :3

Which, I enjoy talking to you when you're on Skype
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: alfonso_rd_30 on April 20, 2013, 03:05:30 am
you seem a nice guy... yet our interaction has ben minimal so I can't do a thoroughly analyzes with the ammount of data impuetd
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 20, 2013, 01:32:35 pm
i don't know you well enough to get an accurate impression. if we chatted over skype, i'd be able to paint a better picture. from what i HAVE seen from you, though, overall you seem like an intelligent, good person, but not someone i can relate to well. as stated, this is likely because i don't know you well enough. but at times i feel a bit intimidated considering you seem to have more knowledge of certain subjects than i do. we'd be closer friends if we talked more.


also, i'm pretty cynical. growing up surrounded by a disillusioned, depressing reality and dealing with severe depression myself has made me pretty cold to the world. the stuff i do every day, talking to friends, going online, curling up with my plushies to watch tv/make art/play a game/etc is what keeps me going at all since it's all the happiness i have left.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Simonorged on April 20, 2013, 01:45:16 pm
I'm curious now, what do you guys think of me?

As for as what I think of you, you seem nice and honest, like what you say reflects who you are.

And now for something I discussed with SleepyD,

[spoiler]I'm in a bit of a tight spot here, there is a girl in my class that I've fallen in love with and she knows this and openly accepts my affections. I want to have sex with her, she knows this also. Problem, I CAN'T! I'm so confused. I've never felt this strongly about anyone before and now that the feeling are now mostly mutual, I constantly afraid that I might hurt her some how if I ever really got the chance. I want to love her, and love her, but it seems I'll only be able to love her in truth, rather then in bed.

I want her heart for my own, but it's not mine to take.

Quote from: SleepyD on April 19, 2013, 11:06:37 pm

First question: are you seeking advice, or are you just venting?

If you are seeking advice, I'm going to need some details as to why you can't move towards the next step?
"Might hurt her" is kinda vague.

If you aren't and just want someone to relate their experiences, I'll let someone else handle that. ^^;

I was raised to think that any sexual activity can have detrimental affects on personality and emotional states, And while I would never do anything to physically hurt her, I'm not exactly a light weight.
And as far as why not, she is happily with some one else. I've been around her for the last six months and have gotten to know her very well, more than anything she just likes to "play" although I hadn't had a chance to get close enough until recently, and while I wish she could be just mine, that's not going to happen. I'm pretty much dog loyal to her at this point.

And it's both venting and advice requests, even though I know pretty much all the possible responses.
Relating experiences would likely help.

I have a big heart, but I'm not very smart.

Quote from: SleepyD on April 20, 2013, 12:26:43 am
Well, coming from a religious background, I do hold sexual activity as something that shouldn't be a casual undertaking.
And so it seems you are smitten with a girl already taken. ah...

I can't really give much advice other than, if she's happy where she's at, then I'd leave it be. Stay friends and enjoy her company. If it /is/ a mutual feeling (and you best be sure about that), then she will decide when to break up with her current partner on her own terms--I wouldn't put any pressure.

You can take all that with a grain of salt, I don't know the exact circumstances, nor do I know how strong your feelings are. I think the more general advice here is to be patient and bide your time for now. Trust that an opportunity will present itself.

And I'm thinking this should go in the Relationships thread, so feel free to move it there if you like.
[/spoiler]

Extroverted (E) 53.33% Introverted (I) 46.67%
Intuitive (N) 58.33% Sensing (S) 41.67%
Feeling (F) 51.35% Thinking (T) 48.65%
Judging (J) 55.56% Perceiving (P) 44.44%

Your type is: ENFJ

ENFJ - "Persuader". Outstanding leader of groups.
Can be aggressive at helping others to be the best that they can be.
2.5% of total population.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on April 20, 2013, 02:39:15 pm
You seem like a nice guy to me, what little I've talked to you :3

On what Kari mentioned about being cynical, sometimes I feel I've become that way just a bit; entirely because of mom and her side of the family. Like, my dad's side of the family is genuinely caring and accepting, while mom's side has that as a facade; on the surface they seem caring and accepting, but underneath that sparkly cover they're very hateful and intolerant of anything outside their narrow-minded view of the norm, and they won't hesitate to cut ties to someone who does something they disagree with (For example, my oldest cousin was disowned because she married a black man). A majority of the people in my hometown are unfortunately similar in mindset; which makes me feel very uncomfortable and out of place here. I feel like I often have to suppress my actual views and opinions to avoid any problems.

I'll likely be better once I move out of this place and get as far away from it as I can
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Simonorged on April 20, 2013, 03:01:16 pm
Yeah, you seem to be a very calm and respectable person, if not a bit shy
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 20, 2013, 04:36:06 pm
i don't really know a thing about you other than you're very passionate in your views, and thankfully have yet to try to convert me. not a bad person by any means, but idk about anything else. ever since the Kriz and Dustii incidents though, i'm very wary of new members, of which i still catagorize you into. >>;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on April 20, 2013, 04:43:41 pm
Urgh, Dustii. He reminds me of myself...more precisely, how I was circa '02; with being a loudmouth obnoxious community-destroying monster. I don't remember ever seeing as much conflict between two certain users  prior to that brat showing up :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 20, 2013, 04:50:37 pm
it's strange, given how you are now. i can't picture you being like that. what community did you break up?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on April 20, 2013, 04:52:33 pm
It was a Sonic the Hedgehog hacking community; dedicated to making cool hacks of the old Sega Genesis games in the series. I was an idiot and managed to turn the entire community against me save for the site's admin; which, siding with me resulted in the entire community turning on him and the site dying :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Pitkin on April 20, 2013, 04:53:16 pm
Interesting way to badmouth a person absent, Pentium. If I may remind you, unless I'm gravely mistaken, he was by far not the member using the most toxic language around here. He became a punching bag for liking an OS others considered garbage, and stood up for his opinion. Yes, a terrible community-destroying brat. :/

As for Meyer-Briggs, my results vary from one time to another, the N and P staying while I/E and F/T being too close to call.

Finally, for the OSC members. It's an online community, and feels like it. Has good and bad sides, and that's as far into details as I wish to go.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on April 20, 2013, 05:12:50 pm
The one and only thing I can criticize Dustii for is an exceedingly poor sense of "judging his audience", so to speak, and having no idea when to stop. It's certainly wrong to pick on a person because their views differ from your own in a fashion that is almost entirely harmless (in other words - he never advocated racism, sexism, hatred against particular religions or beliefs, etc., simply a preference for a "different" operating system) but people also have to learn that not everyone is going to agree with you, and it's pointless to try to change people's minds on what's essentially a trivial point (favorite OS).  I have difficultly feeling sympathetic for somebody who relentlessly pursued arguments instead of simply "agreeing to disagree" or dropping the point altogether.

As much as I'd love to bust down the proverbial doors of a Windows fandom website and preach the eternal awesomeness of Unix, I know that doing so will get me a ton of criticism, if not outright flaming, and not change anyone's mind about their allegiance. Why even bother?

Granted, the finer points of not being embroiled in online flamewars seems to be lost on younger people (if I had a dime for every online shitstorm I ignited in my tweeens / early teens...), so we probably should have done the mature thing and simply ignored any comments that we didn't like instead of publicly dissecting them sentence-for-sentence.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Simonorged on April 20, 2013, 05:27:06 pm
I've shared my views and you all know where I stand. I see no reason to try and convert you.

It may seem weird but I see all of you whom I have had the chance to talk to as friends, when I've said things that were too insulting you've corrected me, when I've shared my heart you were nice to me. I've laughed with and felt sympathy for most of you and while I can seem condescending at times you put up with me. I honestly want to get to know all of you better. As it was well put before, this place is quite the family and I eagerly await everything you all have to say.

And with HBT being my one good contribution I find it an amusing roller coaster. Seeing as that is where I got a feel for who most of you are. Opposing views but hearts of gold.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on April 20, 2013, 05:33:21 pm
It was indeed a bit of an unfortunate occurrence with how the incident with Dustii went down, but I have to agree with bells on this point. His biggest mistake was not knowing when to give it up, simply put. In my eyes he went from "new guy" to "osc member" to "biased osc member" to "guy my friends are getting pissed off at" and finally ending at "this guy must be getting paid by M$ with how much bootlicking he's doing" levels of annoyance. I do not like bootlickers at all, so in the end I wasn't all too sad to see him go - even if it's always a loss when a small community like ours loses someone.

@Simon - that is, I believe, the key to surviving as an internet user outside of Facebook. The willingness to suspend your own zeal (or lack of it in the first place) and accept that in the end all you'll able to accomplish by going all out heated debate mode in a forum is getting yourself banned - understanding, in short, the implications of the fact that the Internet Is Serious Business.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Simonorged on April 20, 2013, 05:47:05 pm
I talk to you all here like I talk to my friends IRL, the only difference is I haven't literally met any of you.
In HBT I was going full force.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: alfonso_rd_30 on April 20, 2013, 10:41:53 pm
WEll, now one trickier... what do you think about ME...

being the mysterious, Chaos lovin', Windus user, SOB I know and, if I were a woman, fuck Silly wanna know your opinions of me, Especially Kari... whom already made me plead for something here ;)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 20, 2013, 10:58:08 pm
dustii was about as annoying as a bug bite at first; noticeable, but not enough to get table-flippin' mad over. over time, though, that bug bite grew, and swelled, and gained in arrogance and pride and over-confidence in his abilities/knowledge of basically anything under the sun that it's like he was screaming (and spraying instead of saying) right in my ear about how AMAZING windows 8 was and how FOOLISH we were for not "embracing the future". dustii was a zealot, and since we are a rather mild group of people, he went over about as well as an orthodox rabbi at a skinhead convention. which is to say, not at all.

i get the feeling i'm going to get backlash for talking about him at all. but honestly, he REALLY didn't know when to stop. that post (which was deleted, and honestly, i wish it hadn't been, it was a part of osc history, good or bad) i made was more an outcry to just get him to SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE HERE, I MEAN SERIOUSLY DUDE, WE ASKED YOU NICELY FOR LIKE, 4 FUCKING PAGES. he was insulting, arrogant, pushy, and over-sensitive, and was EXTREMELY  enthused about a particular topic. it helped no one that we as a site were still reeling over the tornado that was Kriz, who had all those negative qualities and more, so i get the feeling if Dustii were just a LITTLE less enthusiastic and just a LITTLE bit later to the party, it could have been a lot different. :\


also, i think we've found our new HBT.



@alfonso: *is drawing a blank* what about me? .__.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on April 20, 2013, 11:17:31 pm
Minion...enough already. Seriously. Drop it. Keeping grudges et cetera...
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 20, 2013, 11:43:09 pm
i brought it up in passing. it was YOU guys who decided to elabourate, i was just throwing my two cents in. >:\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on April 21, 2013, 12:06:57 am
Those weren't two cents, those were fifty dollars' worth of mad right there...capslock doesn't come cheap.

If you can't keep track of who your anger is directed at, there should be warning bells ringing in your head already, but in case those aren't working I'll say it for you - Let It Go. You're just riling yourself up over an issue that's already in the past. What's the point?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on April 21, 2013, 12:16:48 am
Quote from: Simonorged on April 20, 2013, 05:27:06 pm
I've shared my views and you all know where I stand. I see no reason to try and convert you.

It may seem weird but I see all of you whom I have had the chance to talk to as friends, when I've said things that were too insulting you've corrected me, when I've shared my heart you were nice to me. I've laughed with and felt sympathy for most of you and while I can seem condescending at times you put up with me. I honestly want to get to know all of you better. As it was well put before, this place is quite the family and I eagerly await everything you all have to say.

And with HBT being my one good contribution I find it an amusing roller coaster. Seeing as that is where I got a feel for who most of you are. Opposing views but hearts of gold.


This comment is really kind and reading it put a smile on my face. It makes me happy to know that despite our* disagreements you're still willing to put up with everyone here, or rather set aside disagreements and not let them get in the way of your friendships. This is a small site and we should try to focus on our common interests and what unites us, rather than the differences that divide us (after all, we have the REST OF THE FREAKIN' WORLD to squabble and bicker and disagree in, why do we have to do so in this little corner of the 'net?). Anyway, it sounds like you're off to an excellent start in that regard. :D

*Speaking in a general term, anyone who has disagreed with you and vice-versa.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Simonorged on April 21, 2013, 01:20:40 am
@choco: then why not put it in HBT?
of course change it a little to IDK
Beliefs, when is it the right time to stop talking.
HBT is the one place where you can dump all the stress.
And... wait... did you say dusty? oh god he is in my class.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on April 21, 2013, 01:29:37 am
I think it'd probably be best if I don't say what I'm really feeling at the moment over what was said in this topic while I was at work :\

@Simon: You know him personally \ met him off site?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 21, 2013, 01:48:40 am
@simon: not the same guy; you guys aren't even in the same region, let alone state.


i swear, i adore you guys, but right now i'm really ready to blow up at you all, no thanks to nej. (see, by CLAIMING i'm angry at you, you've actually MADE me angry at you. way to go, genius. >>; )
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Simonorged on April 21, 2013, 02:51:05 am
I can haz a twinky?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 21, 2013, 04:40:59 pm
is that sexual innuendo?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: SleepyD on April 22, 2013, 01:58:53 pm
Quote from: Bella on April 19, 2013, 05:23:37 pm
I got INFP on an online Myers-Briggs personality test. However, it seemed a bit short and the site looked a little sketchy, so I'll have to retake it on the site you linked. -w-

Ever get around to retaking it? :3

Quote from: Bella on April 19, 2013, 05:54:31 pm
I've always had a favorable impression of you. You seem very knowledgeable and articulate, but without any arrogance or know-it-all tendencies. Whenever you talk about a subject I'm interested in I tend to listen, though I may not reply (or reply in full) since I'm not as good at voicing my thoughts / feelings on certain subjects and don't want to sound dumb or lazy because of it.

In short, you seem like an intelligent and likable person, the kind of person I'd like to know and hang out with if I had the ability to. ^^ (We should talk on Skype sometime, though I will warn you I'm often not the best at starting or keeping conversations going...)

Thanks~
And if that's the case, I hope you don't mind if I randomly message you with nothing in particular to talk about. ^^; I do that, particularly with people who understand that I'm not very good at continuing conversations either. Well, I do try, but it is more of a "move on to a new topic every five minutes, punctuated by hour-long silences" sort of continuation. lol
(But if the topic touches on a topic I am passionate about, I can ramble on and on for a while).

Quote from: PentiumMMX on April 19, 2013, 06:15:38 pm
I think you're a pretty cool guy. You're usually very relaxed and understanding, and it feels genuine :3
Which, I enjoy talking to you when you're on Skype

Thanks~ Is Skype like the default messaging program nowadays? I remember when it used to be AIM. The association of skype with voice/video chat was the main reason why I avoided it for so long. Not to mention that the default client is quite annoying, and I wish there were good alternatives to it. It takes up way too much monitor space. AIM was annoying in its own way too, but at least I can use Pidgin or some other alternative to it.

Quote from: Chocofreak13 on April 20, 2013, 01:32:35 pm
i don't know you well enough to get an accurate impression. if we chatted over skype, i'd be able to paint a better picture. from what i HAVE seen from you, though, overall you seem like an intelligent, good person, but not someone i can relate to well. as stated, this is likely because i don't know you well enough. but at times i feel a bit intimidated considering you seem to have more knowledge of certain subjects than i do. we'd be closer friends if we talked more.

also, i'm pretty cynical. growing up surrounded by a disillusioned, depressing reality and dealing with severe depression myself has made me pretty cold to the world. the stuff i do every day, talking to friends, going online, curling up with my plushies to watch tv/make art/play a game/etc is what keeps me going at all since it's all the happiness i have left.

*nodnod* I think you're the first person to say you're intimidated by me. ^^; IRL, I'm usually sitting in the corner, merely listening to the conversation continuing without me. I really don't say much. Most of what I "say" is in text--forum posts, chats, social media status updates. I do not expect other people to know everything I know. When faced with an opposing view, I can contribute my experiences and explain why I feel the way I do about something. Even if I won't agree with an opposing view, I would love to learn about the differing perspective that created this view.

Some people enjoy debate and arguments. I, on the other hand, like to think to myself about possible compromises. If I have trouble thinking up a compromise, I get rather frustrated. "Agree to disagree" is okay, but not ideal for me. heh (that last issue I mentioned in this thread between two of my friends falls under this)

Cynicism and depression is something I've had trouble working with, as one of my sisters has been fighting through all this for much of her short life. My optimistic worldview just does not compute in her mind, and vice versa. I just cannot imagine how she sees the world. So when you say that I'm "not someone [you] can relate to well," you're reminding me of my relationship with her. 

We're still good siblings to each other. We even play Tales of games with each other (currently Graces), but I find it hard to just see her stress out and break down, without really knowing how to help. My main method of helping someone out is listening and empathizing. But I can only listen in this case. It's of some comfort, I'm sure, but it's not to the degree I would like.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 22, 2013, 03:14:57 pm
you can't truly relate to mental illness unless you've had to deal with it yourself. that said, you sound a bit like a more sunshiney version of me, since i've never been good in social situations, prefering to sit in the corner and just wait it out. i'm much more articulate in text than in speech.

i suppose 'intimidated' isn't exactly the right word for it, but i can't really think of another. if we talked on skype more i get the feeling the field would be leveled a bit.

i have AIM, too, but just so you know, OSC does voice/video chats VERY rarely. it's just not in our nature.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: SleepyD on April 22, 2013, 03:44:40 pm
haha, I've found that pretty much everyone I have friended on skype does not do voice/video chats all too often at all. I've come to terms with that. I still hate the client though.

It's true. I'm lucky to have never had a severe bout of depression or anger. In a different way, my intense want (or need?) to help others is very frustrating in these cases, since I can't truly know what it's like, as you say. To some, I'm comforted by the fact that they say just being able to talk to me makes them feel better. To others, I can tell that merely talking to me isn't enough.

I used to get that "sunshiney version" response a lot though, when I was younger. It's weird. "Stop being so happy," was something said of me before. When I was younger I really didn't know how to respond to that. All it did was make me feel guilty. And for what? Guilty for not knowing what "real" pain feels like? (I don't take those statements like that any more, so it's okay. But it was something I really had to contend with in my past)
I mean, it's not like I have my own troubles, but the ones I express usually pertain to other people's troubles troubling me. My purely personal troubles were always insignificant in comparison. Or maybe I never let them become significant. Even now, I can't think of any major examples off the bat.

...I guess my school workload was one, but really, I was over that stressor once the test/assignment/project/grade was completed. It never had a lasting effect. Social anxiety? I dunno, I may not have ever had a girlfriend despite wanting one, but I seem pretty okay with my situation and not all desperate about it.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 22, 2013, 04:13:35 pm
mental illness can be both an organic thing and the result of environment. i've been to some pretty dark places, stuff we don't talk about on OSC.

i can't do a thing if you hate the client, but as i said, i'm on AIM too. and i won't tell you to stop being so happy, but as you know not everyone has such a "blue skies" view on the world.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on April 22, 2013, 05:11:38 pm
@Sleepy: That's the inverse of me. As a kid, I had people tell me I'm not happy enough; jumping to the conclusion I'm sad\angry\whatever because I'm not skipping through space in a Pop Tart costume, leaving a rainbow trail while repetitive music plays in the background
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 22, 2013, 08:49:49 pm
dude, you're in texas. this cat is more accurate to your situation.
(http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i98/Chocofreak13/34xova8_zps9c8f7eb7.gif)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on April 22, 2013, 10:12:25 pm
LOL WUT Baconyan Cat
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 23, 2013, 01:33:25 am
that would be Waffles the Cat, gaia's resident NPC Kitty/Facebook Sensation. (srsly, he's so cute!! >w< )
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on April 27, 2013, 01:08:59 pm
Quote from: SleepyD on April 22, 2013, 01:58:53 pm
Quote from: Bella on April 19, 2013, 05:23:37 pm
I got INFP on an online Myers-Briggs personality test. However, it seemed a bit short and the site looked a little sketchy, so I'll have to retake it on the site you linked. -w-

Ever get around to retaking it? :3


Not yet! I've been meaning to, but I wanna do it when I don't have any distractions and can really think about the questions and answer honestly. Maybe I'll set aside some quiet time tonight and get it done. -w-

QuoteThanks~
And if that's the case, I hope you don't mind if I randomly message you with nothing in particular to talk about. ^^; I do that, particularly with people who understand that I'm not very good at continuing conversations either. Well, I do try, but it is more of a "move on to a new topic every five minutes, punctuated by hour-long silences" sort of continuation. lol
(But if the topic touches on a topic I am passionate about, I can ramble on and on for a while).


I tend to be this sort of conversationalist on Skype too, tbh, so I can understand. ^^;

QuoteThanks~ Is Skype like the default messaging program nowadays? I remember when it used to be AIM. The association of skype with voice/video chat was the main reason why I avoided it for so long. Not to mention that the default client is quite annoying, and I wish there were good alternatives to it. It takes up way too much monitor space. AIM was annoying in its own way too, but at least I can use Pidgin or some other alternative to it.


I use Skype along with AIM and YIM (usually via Adium), but I don't do voice / video chats very often, generally because of difficulties coordinating with my contacts. I agree though, I dislike Skype (PARTICULARLY the newer Windows versions of Skype) and wish there was a decent alternative to it. x.x
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on April 27, 2013, 01:45:06 pm
Agreed. I wish there was some kind of mirror WINE that allows Linux programs to run on Windows; because the Linux version of Skype is superior to the most recent Windows version, which I had a multitude of problems with :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on April 27, 2013, 06:51:29 pm
Maybe try downgrading to an older version? :/
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on April 27, 2013, 11:16:32 pm
That's what I did. Only problem is at startup, it gives me a "upgrade to the new version!" nag screen >_<
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 28, 2013, 01:38:50 pm
usually there's a check box to get rid of that. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Simonorged on June 03, 2013, 02:41:33 pm
Okay so status report.

Due to the fact that her life is moving on (and I have little to no place in it), I soon will have no place to be in love with the girl I mentioned before. As things stand though I will have the chance to hang out with her, but only as a friend. At the place I'm in she has decided not to return, but she is indecisive and I don't know if that will change, though I do doubt it.

I likely will never get to show her how I feel (in all ways).
Time to move on, still hurts like a bitch though.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on June 03, 2013, 08:38:40 pm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pMM4iwC-ag


time heals all wounds, man. you'll look back on this in a few years and smile for what you had. :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Simonorged on June 05, 2013, 09:07:13 am
You know what sucks about all this more than anything else?
The fact that she was gone all week and then decides at the end of that week that she isn't coming back. Am I selfish for wanting a "last day" with her? I mean when/if I see her from now on it wont be the same. I wont be able to hold her, I wont be able to speak of the same topics, I would have appreciated a "last day".  >:(

@choco: no doubt, I don't regret a single second with her. She was/is the greatest friend I've ever had. And literally the second person I'd ever fallen in love with. First one is an odd story.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on June 05, 2013, 10:00:47 am
I don't think it's selfish to want one last day with someone you're close with; it's nice to have some closure before you part ways
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on June 05, 2013, 10:25:02 pm
I'm sorry to hear about this turn of events, but it's good that you recognize that you won't be able to be with her; rejection is bad enough, but false hope or obsessing over someone you can't be with is unhealthy and will only prolong the pain. I hope you can move on fully and be able to find somebody with whom you share a reciprocal affection.

Also, seconding Pentium here, I don't think that's selfish at all.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Simonorged on September 09, 2013, 12:44:03 pm
Yeah, I hear you.

Oh, and I did.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 09, 2013, 01:45:46 pm
i used this video to give someone relationship advice yesterday. -w-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9AQTYGOj0Q
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: stewartsage on September 10, 2013, 01:26:52 am
How does every Japanese city manage to have flood control dikes for scenes like that?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 10, 2013, 03:24:29 am
riverbanks are a common sight in japan~

(though, that's the 4th scene with Literary Girl. they're all rather hilarious and i reccomend looking them up. actually you should just look up the whole series, Daily Lives of High School Boys is one of the funniest series i've seen in a loooooong time. -w- )
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: stewartsage on September 10, 2013, 06:19:02 am
Yeah, but that's a serious bit of flood control work to that bank not a normal river bank.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on September 10, 2013, 08:22:59 am
In a country where typhoons come on a yearly basis, you'd think it'd be rather imperative to have works like that to control waterflow in those times.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 10, 2013, 01:33:50 pm
not to mention the capital flanking large rivers since the 600's~
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on September 10, 2013, 11:36:59 pm
>comes into thread expecting relationshippy stuff
>flood control instead
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 11, 2013, 12:09:02 am
watch the video, then you'll understand. both the reasoning for flood control and why we're talking about it. (WE'RE BEING AS WE AAAARRREEEEE)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on September 11, 2013, 12:14:32 pm
Indeed -w-

As for me, well...there's a reason I earned the title "Forever Single" in MapleStory besides the fact I've played for nearly 5 years and never had an in-game marriage -w-;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 11, 2013, 12:50:25 pm
i kept earning it for days and i couldn't figure out why. turns out i needed to turn in the quest to make it stop. ><;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: stewartsage on September 11, 2013, 02:06:56 pm
There should be some comparable achievement for TF2 (at the risk of totally derailing the thread).  Some guy the other day in a server I was playing on mentioned he had 1000 hours in Demoman alone.  Jesus.

Sometimes I wonder if people take my joking attempts at matchmaking seriously; at least two couples I've suggested should totally go out have actually gone out.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on September 11, 2013, 11:41:09 pm
TIL my boyfriend is Cupid.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 12, 2013, 01:18:24 am
oh you two. -w-

any chance you could covertly suggest it to this guy i know donovan that he should actually treat me the way i treat him and stop acting like the joker to my harley quinn >>;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Dr. Kraus on September 18, 2013, 05:52:39 pm
So I have a "date" tomorrow if you can really call it that, I'm not even sure if the girl even likes me but she said yes to going out to lunch and studying for our math test afterwords.  She wasn't reluctant to giving me her phone number either but its really up in the air from what I can tell, maybe things will take a turn and we can end up dating possibly.

She's a looker and we both have things in common from just talking to her in class so I wouldn't mind getting into a relationship with her since I haven't been a relationship for six or so years (middle school shit that doesn't count because it was really just a confusing mess of hormones and embarrassment for both of us)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 18, 2013, 10:16:47 pm
nice, man! just take a deep breath, be yourself and hopefully she'll like what she sees. :3
(and if she just wants to be friends, that can be okay too. ^^; )


not to draw away focus, but i've been meaning to post this for a long time. tbh i like this system, since it gives a name to certain relationship types/feelings i didn't have names for before.

http://mspaintadventures.wikia.com/wiki/Quadrants
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Dr. Kraus on September 19, 2013, 03:30:29 pm
Yay date numbah one, success! Went to the sandwich shop and ended up hanging out there for two hours just talking about stuff like how we were both in band, both our mum's have had cancer in the past, we both have a strong love for Mustangs, and a ton of other stuff.

We also don't care much for sports (I enjoy football[soccer] but nothing else really other than late season baseball and hockey).
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 20, 2013, 04:12:57 am
(http://www.wallpaperno.com/thumbnails/detail/20121102/funny%20sunglasses%20pumpkins%201600x1200%20wallpaper_www.wallpaperno.com_35.jpg)

*brofists*
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on September 21, 2013, 12:09:45 am
Congrats man, I hope it works out! ^^
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on September 21, 2013, 12:26:56 am
@Kraus: Very nice ^^

You know, is it weird how, while part of me wishes I could find someone as I'm tired of feeling alone, part of me doesn't want to find someone for fear it might tie me down to Palestine for good?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 21, 2013, 01:07:08 am
nah, that's not a weird feeling bro, it's a legit problem. >8|

(out of curiosity: did anyone see that link?)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on September 21, 2013, 01:22:02 am
I saw / read your link, Kari!

tbh I know that feel Pent, although in my case it's not fear about being tied down to my hometown but rather being uprooted from it? I mean I love Stew and plan to live with him someday and be with him forever but at the same time I really don't wanna leave New England. On the contrary, I wanna live in/near Boston because I feel a deep soul connection with that city and I'm not sure I'll be happy with my life until I live there.





What I'm saying is I'm dragging Stew to Boston.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 21, 2013, 01:30:24 am
correction: you'll be dragging him to Chelsea or Revere, the towns near the closest national park.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on September 21, 2013, 10:09:09 am
Good to know, at least.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on September 29, 2013, 01:24:03 pm
This is where we can come to talk about weird online friendships/hateships, y?

Before we go on we'll have to talk about two pieces of jargon I'm gonna use here:
Feminism (sometimes designated as liberal feminism to distinguish it from radical feminism), is about equality between men, women, and any and all other genders / sexes. Feminists want the rights of women (trans*women included) & non binary-gender people to be elevated to the status of men's. Its pretty simple and difficult to disagree with. Because who the fuck doesn't want gender equality?

Radical feminism, aka radfeminism, is a mockery of feminism that espouses female dominance over men, asserts that trans*women are just men trying to invade female spaces, and that trans*men are poor lost souls who have been tricked by THOSE SCARY PENIS-OWNERS into giving up their female-ness. There's a newer branch of radfeminism that purports to be trans*-positive and -inclusionary, but I don't know much about it so I can't speak for it.

So awhile back I semi-accidentally started following a radfem on tumblr, normally I hate radfems but she posted enough about New England to almost make it worthwhile, and she didn't post transphobic / trans-exclusionary bullshit like a lot of radfems do. Cue really weird mutual follow / tumblr acquaintanceship that was borderline oh-god-this-is-going-to-turn-awful-at-any-second-y.

Anyway, we just got into an argument over goddamned WORDING, of all things, and of course being unable to back up her arguments with any sort of rational logic - in true radfem fashion, since if they ever tried to apply logic to their arguments, they would fall apart like sandcastles under the foot of an elephant - she resorted to typical radfem wankery like name-calling and OH GOD SHUT UP-ing.

Basically I didn't even engage her in argument, since you can't argue with a radfem, because they don't run on logic and will resort to ad-homenim attacks or sputtering about TEH PATRIARCHY! or THOSE EVIL AWFUL LIBERAL FEMINISTS or TRANS PEOPLE INVADIN MAH SPACES, because the majority of them have mashed potatoes where their brains would normally lie.

On one hand I'm really glad that she stopped following me and that I can finally unfollow her, because she really was an acrid human being whom I immediately regretted coming into contact with several seconds after following. On the other hand... there is no other hand. I just wanted to let you all know that radfems are disguising excuses for social-justice advocates are you should totally kick one in the shins if you ever get the opportunity to.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on September 29, 2013, 03:06:19 pm
@Bells:
I think there's actually a better term for them: Enatics. As opposed to the agnatic policies of patriarchal societies.

Funnily enough Enatic Elective is also one of the most stable forms of government in CK2, since so few AI rulers actually try to get female rulers that are eligible for election...DYNASTYMECHANICS.JPG

And yes, they're nuts. But we know that by now.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on September 29, 2013, 04:19:38 pm
Why can't "radfem" refer to really cool feminine people instead of "THE PENIS IS EVIL" types?

But, yeah. Any sort of radical group is not good; tarnishing the name of something originally intended for good and driving people away from whatever it is they're crazy over, like PETA to animal rights activism. While I'd say ignore them, often times they're the most vocal; making the reasonable side of the movement look bad.

Also...
Quote from: Bella on September 29, 2013, 01:24:03 pm
...because the majority of them have mashed potatoes where their brains would normally lie.


I love this quote so much xD
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 29, 2013, 06:57:55 pm
pent pretty much covered what i was going to say. i mean, you can take any large group out there, and they will always be cast in a negative light due to the fringecrazies. some mormons might be lovely people who just want to have a large (read: 4 or 5 kids) family. but then the polygamist sects and 20(?) kids and counting comes along, and suddenly all mormons are multi-wifed clans with like, a jillion kids.

fringecrazies are usually the reason that smaller religions are viewed in a negative light by the larger ones. Wicca has NEVER participated in human sacrifice or worshiped the "devil", and Santeria outlawed it in the 30's (and doesn't worship satan either), but ask a mid-western christian about either and THAT'S what they'll turn to.

the basic formula seems to be X * Y = -X, where X is the "fandom" (religion, worldview, fandom, etc) in question and Y is the Radical point of view.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Dr. Kraus on October 01, 2013, 10:58:02 am
I got a QT 3.14 girlfriend. Go look at random pics for my reaction. woot.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on October 01, 2013, 01:28:22 pm
me
don
>"sis says we need a concrete number since it's getting so close, so i need a hard yes or no"
>"Then I cant, I have 2 appontments and a baptism, followed by leaving for texas on the 14th,"
>"*sigh* yeah, i kinda saw this coming. sorry if i bothered you or whatever."
>"K
>"You really need to get over the idea that my world revolves around you, it doesn't. I have other things other people and more important family members to take care of then worry about if I have upset you."
>"not that i'm surprised, but pretty narcissistic of you to assume that. on the contrary, i bend over backwards to get the slightest bit of your attention and for what? for you to think of and treat me like a hot pile of garbage. and i really need to learn that that's all you'll ever think of me in the end. you can be a really shitty friend at times too, okay? i have to make a goddamn reservation with you months in advance just to hang out for a few hours, and i accepted that with the idea that maybe, JUST MAYBE, you'll actually live up to your committments.
>i asked you about this MONTHS in advance, don. i KNEW i would have to because you're such a fucking jet setter. but like i said, i sorta knew you'd flake on me in the end, like you always do.
>enjoy your fucking vacation."
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Dr. Kraus on November 15, 2013, 04:30:12 pm
Quoted from my twitter:

Women, no matter much research is conducted man will never understand.

Pretty much how I've felt on the issue these past couple of days
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on November 15, 2013, 05:24:53 pm
that's likely due to the fact that one can never FULLY understand another person, simply because one has not lived through the exact same experiences. the closest you will ever come is a set of twins. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on November 15, 2013, 05:28:09 pm
True that. I find some men baffle me just as much, if not more than, some women -w-;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Cockleshell on November 15, 2013, 05:42:35 pm
Years of love have been forgot, in the hatred of a minute.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on November 15, 2013, 05:55:24 pm
Quote from: Cockleshell on November 15, 2013, 05:42:35 pm
Years of love have been forgot, in the hatred of a minute.


this really describes how i've felt sometimes. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on November 15, 2013, 06:00:01 pm
Quote from: Dr. Kraus on November 15, 2013, 04:30:12 pm
Quoted from my twitter:

Women, no matter much research is conducted man will never understand.

Pretty much how I've felt on the issue these past couple of days


Quote from: Chocofreak13 on November 15, 2013, 05:24:53 pm
that's likely due to the fact that one can never FULLY understand another person, simply because one has not lived through the exact same experiences. the closest you will ever come is a set of twins. :\


Once again, I agree with Kari on this point. It's not a gender thing (although women and men are generally socialized to behave in different ways, so that may contribute), it's a communication problem inherent in every relationship (be it familial, romantic, friendship, etc.). Don't feel badly about not completely understanding someone.

That being said ...

I don't mean to sound flippant or oversimplify what's going on (since I don't even know what's going on), but if you're confused or upset or angry about somebody acting a certain way or saying a certain thing, why not ask them? Of course, this isn't always appropriate, but if you have a standing relationship with a person you should be able to talk openly when confusion arises or feelings are hurt. I'm not the best at doing this, in all honesty - it takes some guts - but it can clear up confusion and unnecessary worry.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on November 15, 2013, 06:08:32 pm
Indeed. I mean, I've yet to so much as go on a date, and I know that generally it's best to try and talk to the person in question if something is bothering you
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on November 15, 2013, 06:19:52 pm
as i told russell one time, when he asked me if it was okay to date his ex's best friend:

"Well, have you asked her?"

(turns out he didn't even think of that.)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Dr. Kraus on November 16, 2013, 03:12:37 am
Welp the fucking sting hurts for a good couple hours after figuring out that the girl you thought you were dating wasn't actually dating you, stops talking to you for a good couple weeks, talks again because she thinks you hated her, restart from square one giving her another chance because you gave up on her for a while, notice somethings are not lining up in converstations and some just don't flow anymore.

Decide to lay down the law and just say what is needed to be said.

Have following conversation:

>Me: I like you still even with the stuff you pulled the last couple of weeks and I want you to know that, just don't play with my feelings. I put them out there for you to respond to them not so you could play with them. I don't think you are the kind of person to do that but letting you know this is so we both understand what's going on, its a form of trust.
>Her: Look I'm not going to play with your feelings. I'm just not ready for a relationship right now, so I'm sorry if that's what you want but I don't.
>Me: That's all I needed in black and white, thanks. The hurt would have been worse if it wasn't clear.

Then she fucking puts in the one little thing that puts on the hurt I didn't need her to put on.

>Her: I'm Sorry


She did this over the phone to me at 12AM, I left the house and just drove and got back at 2:30AM

Did some drifts around the sharpest corners in town, drove through the city, drove through three different townships, did some more drifts and hooning 90MPH back home.

fuck this, once summer rolls around I'm going out and competing in some rally races I'm wasting my opportunity here.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on November 16, 2013, 10:47:20 am
playing initial D is both good race practice and a good way to clear your head. and one of the worst things a person can say in a situation like this is "i'm sorry", but most of the time that's a reflex since you just don't know what else to say.

just be thankful she didn't pull out the #1 worst thing she could have said: "can we still be friends?"
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Dr. Kraus on November 16, 2013, 01:47:54 pm
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on November 16, 2013, 10:47:20 am
"can we still be friends?"


my drive would have been much much different if she had said this, my 75 MPH through the Fort Pitt Tunnel would have probably been a 90-110MPH run through in the left lane.

I have no idea how this is going to go down on Monday but I guess we will see, probably just run it off as nothing really.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on November 16, 2013, 02:57:07 pm
Holy crap, that sucks. People being dishonest about the kind of relationship they're seeking (i.e. making their intent clear; saying they want a friendship, romantic relationship, FWB situation, if they plan on the relationship being long-term, casual, etc.) is majorly rude and disrespectful, and anyone who leads somebody into a relationship without making their intent clear is very suspicious imo. I don't mean to be rude, but you're probably better off without a person who would do something like that.

(Before anyone screams "FRIENDZONE" at me, yeah, I do agree that friendzoning is a dumb concept; nobody is owed a relationship or sex, but people absolutely owe it to others to be clear what they want out of a relationship. That's basic social decency.)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on November 16, 2013, 03:39:32 pm
i don't think friendzoning is a dumb concept if you make it clear to the other person. maybe it seems mean, but it's meaner to be vague about it. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on November 16, 2013, 03:57:41 pm
Exactly. TBH I hate the general dudebro culture surrounding the "friendzone" concept; like not being able to have sex with someone is a fate worse than death, and they'd rather cut all ties with someone they once considered a friend just because they aren't sexually interested in them >_<;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on November 16, 2013, 08:14:53 pm
pent, those people are not actual people and don't deserve interaction. :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on November 16, 2013, 10:45:02 pm
Indeed -w-

Why associate with douchebags when you can have Zoidberg?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on November 17, 2013, 10:39:50 am
tbh zoidberg is a rather nice guy, if a little oblivious to other's needs.

so associating with zoidbergs is good, if not ideal. tbh i'd prefer a fry. :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Simonorged on December 17, 2013, 10:30:16 am
Guess what guys, I'm poly amorous
and guess what else.
it sucks.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on December 17, 2013, 03:15:12 pm
have fun with that.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on December 17, 2013, 04:30:16 pm
What's wrong, Simon?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on January 07, 2014, 03:06:17 pm
I have a question: How do you feel when a friend of yours is in a rough relationship, but you don't really know how to tell them?

One of my coworkers at Pizza Hut is having some issues with his girlfriend, and to be honest, with how she keeps toying with his emotions without a care, he should really leave her. She's known to break-up with him for whatever reason, only to get back together with him barely a week after and pretend nothing happened; this repeating on a cycle every few months. I really think he should leave her, as I don't think anybody deserves to be in a situation like that, but I don't really have any clue how to say it without making myself look like an ass :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on January 07, 2014, 04:38:51 pm
you could approach him during a break, a lull, or after work and say that you just want to talk for a sec, then open with something like "i know it's not really my business, but..." or "i'm not trying to sound like an ass here, but...", then tell him how you think an awesome fellow such as him deserves better than a girl who treats him like a plaything. be cautious, and if he seems agitated by the statement, drop it immediately and walk away. if he's not immediately apprehensive, keep your thoughts short, concise, and end with something like, "i just wanted you to know that."
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 02, 2014, 05:48:08 pm
i think i have a crush on Steve, one of the guys in my sunday gaming group.

i feel like such a pre-teen dork right now i almost want to cry from how cringey it is >////<;;;;;;

i've thought Steve was kinda cute since i met him, despite him being an asshole at times and a couple years older than me (i think he's like, 27?), but Steve is also extremely phobic of women (idk what sparked it, maybe a childhood trauma or something, i don't see it as my place to ask), so i never thought much beyond that.
until last week when, on the way out, he tested and confirmed that he's not afraid of/nervous around me anymore. i was cordial and shook his hand, buuuut....

cue montage of subconscious me being turned on my head with all this awkward-as-shit emotion. i feel so dumb for even feeling this way, but fuck, i guess 14-year-old me decided to come LEEEROOOOY JENKINNNNS-ing through my psyche.


considering he's still phobic of women as a gender, likely sees me as nothing more than friend material and there being little to no basis for a relationship outside of a shared like of anime, video games, D&D, pizza, art, and puns (and that we apparently think the other is cute? he said i was adorable last week, but that was likely due to what i was wearing), i don't see it going anywhere.....but idk what to do in the interrim. i sure as hell don't want to tell him without some kind of sign that he feels the same way. i'm not telling anyone outside of Arty, and i think i kind of just want to bury this until it goes away. not that liking him is anything to be ashamed of, but i just don't want to be the only-one-feeling weird one here. never again.

on a positive note, outside of finding someone attractive, this is the first sort of romantic inkling i've felt for ANYONE in about 4 years, besides Donovan.....and it's a bit refreshing, honestly. to be able to say that i like someone that is a: totally outside what i normally consider attractive (shorter than me, short hair, idk how many common interests), and b: is outside of the circle of friends that i used to draw dating material from. to say that i feel this way about someone who has no connection to Don whatsoever feels....healthy. for the first time in my life.

on the other hand, the last time i had a legit crush on someone like this was when i was in 6th or 7th grade.....so like, 12? 13? oh god. >///__///<;;;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on September 02, 2014, 06:58:25 pm
Mmm. I've yet to find anyone; I suppose maybe that's mostly because I've closed myself off to reduce the risk of ending up in a relationship that shackles me to this hellhole for life, as it feels slim to find someone whom is actually interested in me and lives in the area I plan to move, but all the same, I wish I had someone ;_;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 02, 2014, 09:57:16 pm
it's such a weird thing, though......i'm not used to feeling this way about anyone non-fictional. it's so......awkward.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: NejinOniwa on September 03, 2014, 02:15:06 am
>it's not donovan
I have been waiting for this day
good job, minion's subconscious
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Cockleshell on September 03, 2014, 06:03:46 am
Kari you can do et

Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Simonorged on September 03, 2014, 08:06:37 am
@Kari: Life and good luck to you. What do you want to happen with this?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 03, 2014, 02:21:21 pm
Quote from: NejinOniwa on September 03, 2014, 02:15:06 am
>it's not donovan
I have been waiting for this day
good job, minion's subconscious


hahahaha, never knew you cared so much. xD

@cockle: thanks? idk if it'll go anywhere.

@simon: idk where i want it to go. i think any sort of flustered feelings i had cooled with a good night's sleep, but i can safely say that this is like. not even close to love, but definitely like.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 08, 2014, 10:57:05 am
so i forcibly mashed together the two halves i had split into, the 12-year-old and the 22-year-old, by just writing that shit down and handing the note to steve as we were leaving yesterday

if i recall, it read something like,

"I like you. ♥
not love, but good old fashioned like.
i know it won't go anywhere, but i wanted to stop being a pussy with my feelings.
the ball's in your court now, steve. i won't treat you any different, so it's only awkward if you make it awkward.
-k."

the way i see it, the last actual crush i had on someone was about 10 years ago, and i'm too damn old to give a shit about keeping it silent anymore. if he likes me, then super! if not, then that's cool. it felt kinda stupid to be all hush hush about it for an extended period so i was just like, fuck it, let's just do this thing.

i'ma stay true to the note, so in the  (highly likely) event he does not feel the same, he'll be the one to make it awkward if shit gets awkward.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on September 08, 2014, 11:20:33 am
:3

...is it weird that I wish I could go out with Roxy...even though that's kinda hard when she and I are the same person? ^^;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 08, 2014, 12:29:48 pm
eh, if i had a twin i can't guarantee that it'd be totally innocent. maybe that's the same principle here.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on September 08, 2014, 01:21:04 pm
True. It could also be the fact that I know her well enough to be attracted*
*disregarding the fact we're the same person
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 08, 2014, 02:20:36 pm
no one's sexier than the figments of your imagination~*
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 15, 2014, 03:25:14 pm
so Steve likes me back.

he volunteered to go down to my car with me yesterday to get the anime stuff i got at the sale, and on the way there, in the parking lot, he mentioned he liked the note. when i said "lemme guess, no?", he retorted by wrapping his arm around my shoulders for a sideways-hug and said "actually, yes." i was quite surprised but happy, and we spent the rest of the night during D&D giving each other subtle nudges and pokes and we held hands for a bit, lol.

i still feel like a dork, but at least i'm not a creepy awkward dork now. we exchanged numbers as we were leaving, and i gave him my skype address. seems like if it's gonna be something, it's gonna be slow, but it's nice. ^^
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on September 15, 2014, 03:43:59 pm
That's nice. Hope it goes well :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 15, 2014, 03:52:04 pm
not to sound like a middle schooler, but he just texted me


*squees a bit*
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Cockleshell on September 15, 2014, 05:01:05 pm
KARI FUCKING GET IT YAAASS GIRL
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 15, 2014, 05:37:59 pm
IF BY GET IT YOU MEAN A BOYFRIEND THEN I MAY BE ON THE WAY TO ONE I'M NOT QUITE SURE

IF YOU MEAN HIS DICK WE ARE LIGHTYEARS AWAY FROM THAT
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Cockleshell on September 15, 2014, 06:50:31 pm
still get it
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 16, 2014, 02:46:12 pm
he works nights but he just suggested by text message a lunch date

*socially awkward feels intensify*
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: winduko on September 16, 2014, 02:59:46 pm
A boy was singing about me in class today. The boy who has been my friend-with-benefits since 8th grade.

Over the weekend, I realized I probably am a lesbian, and that I thought I romantically liked him. Still think he's a nice guy, but I'm not "the one," however.

I'm nor interested in ever dating, as I love being single, personally.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 16, 2014, 03:59:07 pm
you could be asexual with homoromantic tendencies. as for the guy, um, are you aware what "friends with benefits" means....?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: winduko on September 16, 2014, 04:10:10 pm
I realized the connotations after I made the post, but, for whatever reason, I didn't edit. I guess he saw me as a friend-with-benefits (he described me as that once and I kinda went with it) and I saw him as a close friend who I knew was flirting with me but pretended I didn't because I have no interest in actual relationships. No actual sex happened, as I prefer not to meet with classmates outside of school.

And you're probably right about me being asexual with homoromantic tendencies, that's what I more likely am, but it's so much easier and simpler to say lesbian, though it is not completely accurate.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 16, 2014, 04:12:47 pm
asexual lesbian, maybe. ^^

also, you may want to clear the air with him, lest he think you're leading him on. though it takes the magic and mystique out of romance, i find it best these days to be blunt as hell. :0
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: winduko on September 16, 2014, 04:21:42 pm
I honestly was waiting for him to confess to me, as I've been waiting for him to confess for years. Part of the reason why I never asked is because I have a tendency to second-guess myself in these situations. My gut says he's flirting, but I'm never sure.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on September 16, 2014, 04:31:13 pm
Seconding Kari's suggestion, it's always best to be up-front about your feelings and what you expect out of a relationship.

As somebody who has both asexual and pansexual tendencies I can also vouch it's difficult to decide upon a label. I generally go with "asexual" because it's more accurate to my current situation (considering I experience very limited sexual & romantic attraction and have only acted on my attraction toward one person in my whole life).

Also, Kari, good luck with everything. :>
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 16, 2014, 04:32:40 pm
@kodomo: i know how you feel, which is why i tend not to step forward until someone else does, too. (thankfully i have a pretty strong intuition about it, but that's mostly because i've had this happen so many times. >>;; )

however, if he actually DECLARED it at one point, and still makes eyes at you/sings about you/etc etc, perhaps you could just gently approach him, away from others, with something like "uh, do you, well, FEEL anything for me or whatever?" :\

@bells: thanks. i'm sort of playing it by ear. i just wish i could convince him to use the computer a little more, since it uses less of my minutes. but messaging me on his lunch break kinda means he HAS to text, i guess. ^^;;

EDIT: yaaay Steve's my boyfriend now
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: winduko on September 16, 2014, 04:49:29 pm
@Kari: He never openly said anything about it. For the past few years, all he's done is flirt, so my second-guessing kicks in so much. And I probably was the only one who heard the lyrics, and I heard my name over and over again.

I also thought it was done until a couple hours ago.

@Bella:  Honestly, the only one I wanted to potentially go after is the first friend I made by online means, but when I confessed, she rejected me, and I was perfectly fine with it, partly because I realized how bad it could really become. But you wouldn't know how often I fall for female peers who are kind to me. Earlier today, a girl, who I know is quite homophobic, gave me paper. I fall for her, but I knew it won't work, at least not now.

This kind of thing happens at least once a day.

Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 16, 2014, 05:22:58 pm
you are such an adorable little yuri
puppy love crushes all over the place so cute

and if he hasn't OPENLY said anything, just ignore it till he does. don't give him any signals, and it'll likely die off.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on September 16, 2014, 07:53:46 pm
TBH, sometimes I ponder if I'm ever going to find anyone; given the only person to ever show any interest in me was this cougar at the hospital whom was old enough to be my mother, who had a son the exact same age as me. Just, no >_>;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 16, 2014, 07:54:42 pm
that's creepy.

and all i can tell you is to hold out hope. coming here is REALLY going to help.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on September 17, 2014, 12:22:44 am
Indeed. The sooner I can move, the better :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 17, 2014, 12:32:46 am
the sooner you can move, the sooner i can start introducing you around the goth club.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on September 22, 2014, 11:07:34 am
True that.

So, there's a coworker I have a very mild interest in; this being the one I mentioned that is like some strange mixture of myself and Bella. Nothing more serious than wanting to get to know her better, as she does seem like a nice person...and, when I was taking my last break yesterday, I did overhear her mention to her coworkers about how she's "always been a little gender-confused", which obviously has me curious; as she might be more like me than I previously thought.

The issue is, since she works in a different department than me, and I'm not sure which department that is, trying to figure out where to find her and also how to approach her without coming off as creepy, or seeming like I'm flirting when I'm not. Any advice?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Cockleshell on September 22, 2014, 09:04:55 pm
try to snag her on a rare occasion that you actually see her - don't seek her out. strike up casual conversation and mention things that you assume she relates to. allow yourself to act a bit more feminine than you usually do in public - allow her to see that you've oriented the same way she feels. don't bring up the fact that you overheard her say this. build a friendship with her. you say she's a mix of you and Bella - judging from what I know about both of you, i take that this woman is slightly withdrawn and very personal, but open to conversation if another person starts it. watch her body language. if she folds her arms or shifts her weight from side to side on her feet, she doesn't really want to talk. don't force it. (i know i'm starting to sound like a redpiller but women understand women)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on September 22, 2014, 10:34:11 pm
@Cockle: S'not redpill-ish at all, that's reasonable advice.

@Pent: I don't really have a whole lot to add to Cockle's suggestions, since she covered just about everything I'd have suggested and then some.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on September 23, 2014, 12:12:07 am
@Cocks: Thanks; I'll keep that in mind, if I ever encounter her when she's not busy :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 23, 2014, 02:02:03 am
thirding this suggestion. also pay attention to subtle interest cues; for example, if you looked at me, you could tell from my jewelry that i like vintage stuff (pearls), alternative religion (pentagram, pagan pride bracelet, beads), and goth stuff. the quarter i wear around my neck is also a conversation starter. jewelry, tattoos, even her choice of ringtone can reveal volumes about what she likes.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on September 23, 2014, 07:32:51 am
Indeed. Although, given I've mostly seen her in a work context and she never has her phone on her from what I can tell, kind of a blank slate in that regard. But, I could maybe figure it out
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 23, 2014, 12:11:22 pm
i was only saying that staying aware can lead to conversation starters. :0
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on September 23, 2014, 01:12:10 pm
Well, true; maybe I'll pick up on other things :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on September 23, 2014, 04:10:38 pm
gl man, report back if anything happens. ^^
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Cockleshell on October 15, 2014, 08:35:47 pm
how do i deal with a messy emotional breakup with less than $10
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Dr. Kraus on October 16, 2014, 12:34:12 am
Quote from: Cockleshell on October 15, 2014, 08:35:47 pm
how do i deal with a messy emotional breakup with less than $10



Oh that can be handled quite easily my friend as long as your willing to be harsh!
Just like in the political realm simply cease all contact and break all immediate ties.
If you are obligated to continuously see the person in question, such as sharing the same class there is a simple solution to that.
Like any human simply ignore their presence to the best of your ability, if they are sitting to your right just focus on the presence of the person to your left.
If the person proceeds to attempt contact in some shape or form simply pay no heed to it and move on with whatever you were doing at the time.

Now most people will look at what I just said and respond with something like, "How the hell could you do that, only someone inhuman could do that!".
While that is true it is important to understand that if a ruined relationship is causing massive amounts of trouble for you the best option is to destroy contact with it.
We are human so it can be surprising how easy it is to be this crewel to another person but it is a simple nature we can find within ourselves.

I will say that using this tactic should be a last effort to confront the situation! If you can settle the situation with a better method then please use that one!
I have only had to use this tactic three times in my entire life so far, it can be seen as terrible but can also be the best method in a pinch to move on with life.

Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Cockleshell on October 16, 2014, 09:30:04 am
the problem is that she's 2400 miles away and my heart is still hung up on her, and she's still in love with me, but it just hurts too much for both of us to go on any longer.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on October 16, 2014, 12:50:43 pm
I don't say this with any rude intent so I deeply apologize if I come off as improper, but - if you still have feelings for her and she still loves you - why is it too difficult to go on? Is it too painful to not be able to actually be together, are the questions about the future just too much, or something else entirely?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Cockleshell on October 16, 2014, 12:51:56 pm
she also has feelings for the trans girl she just moved in with about a month and a half ago. they've been dating on and off for 6 years LDR, and i brought up the topic of a poly relationship, and she considered it but is afraid to ask them about it.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on October 16, 2014, 12:54:48 pm
I see....

That's a difficult situation. At least you tried to run the poly thing past her. I wonder why she wouldn't bring it up with her friend/other romantic interest. It can't hurt to try after all...:s
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Dr. Kraus on October 16, 2014, 03:48:33 pm
Quote from: Cockleshell on October 16, 2014, 09:30:04 am
2400 miles away


That's Pittsburgh to San Diego
(http://puu.sh/ceReD/371c5fe168.PNG)

Its not even worth the trouble mate, relationships are location based 85% of the time within a 200mi perimeter.

If you said 200-500mi I would say it could work but 2,400mi is across the fucking country mate!
Setting yourself up for failure at this point:
1. She has feelings for a trans girl who SHE IS LIVING WITH
2. Your only going to see her maybe once, twice, maybe three times in a single year if you have the money to travel out there

Take it from someone who is most likely going to enter a relationship soon but will be moving away 1,500 miles by the end of the year, I hope we can stay together but I'm knowing to the fact that with a large distance we have a high possibility of breaking up.

Really all you have to do is what I said before, simply cease all contact and break all immediate ties.

Good luck my friend!
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Cockleshell on October 16, 2014, 04:00:39 pm
i've been with her for 10 months, we broke up exactly on our 10 month anniversary. i'm a broke college student, she lives in an expensive part of utah. i... can't bring my self to do that. Probably end up dating some dude here at college. uughghhhh.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Dr. Kraus on October 16, 2014, 07:12:17 pm
Wait, you want to stay with her because of monetary reasons? I mean I'm a broke ass college student making a decent amount of money from my part-time job but still.

Really? If that is the case then I'm speechless, monetary gain shouldn't play a factor within a relationship if two people really care about each other.

But if she was the one who wanted to break up, why chase someone who doesn't want you?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on October 16, 2014, 07:35:18 pm
i'm seconding kraus's last point; chasing after someone who ditched you is only setting yourself up for more pain. i wasted 7 years off and on doing that and ruined myself a bit in the process. given all the drama and the distance, i'd say this may be a good catalyst to move on. it'll hurt, but it'll hurt more to continue.

one of my best friends is poly, and has partners all over the country (the closest one is about an hour and a half away). however, she talks to her partners frequently, they're all poly, and all of them are stable and open with their communication, meaning little to no drama occurs, even with the distance. there is the loneliness factor, but she's willing to put up with it for the sake of the relationships. however, given the instability, jealousy, and issues that she (and you, a little) needs to work through, i don't see it ending well if you try to go this route. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on October 16, 2014, 08:24:39 pm
Quote from: Dr. Kraus on October 16, 2014, 03:48:33 pm
Its not even worth the trouble mate, relationships are location based 85% of the time within a 200mi perimeter.


I suppose my significant other and I should call it quits because we live ~700mi away from each other and can rarely meet, huh mate?

Quote from: Dr. Kraus on October 16, 2014, 07:12:17 pm
Really? If that is the case then I'm speechless, monetary gain shouldn't play a factor within a relationship if two people really care about each other.


Neither should distance, for godssake.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Cockleshell on October 16, 2014, 08:49:58 pm
n o n o N O i'm not with her for monetary reasons, what the fuck? no. i'm saying the reason we can't be together is because we're both strapped as fuck for money and it will never work out. it's a love that never will be.

honestly, no, ugh. i'm done talking about it here. not so hot for my mental health
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on October 17, 2014, 12:12:11 am
i'm sorry, cocks. ;^;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on January 03, 2016, 02:43:58 am
[blows the dust off of the topic]

So, has I mentioned over in the favorite TV shows topic, I have many stories with dealing with my cousins on my mom's side of the family...and given how I didn't want to derail the post too much from "my experience with the garbage that is Bibleman", I decided to revive this old topic and share some of these....going in order of age from oldest to youngest.

As for my oldest cousin, I never had much to do with her; truth be told, I completely forgot she existed when I had a (false) realization that I was in the exact middle in terms of grandchildren on that side of the family. Although, given how she got married and ran off to Florida, and as such rarely appears at family gatherings, it's easy to forget. Granted, the rest of the family on that side frowns upon her being married to a black man (Although keeping their true feelings hidden behind a plastic smile when she's around (Think like the music video to Soundgarden's Black Hole Sun. There's a reason why even my mom prefers to spend time with dad's side of the family over her own)). At the very least, it was my oldest cousin and my sister that ended up creating an idea for a story during one of their slumber parties, which I would eventually take it and run after being told about it, using it as the basis for what would become The Adventures of Princess Lan several years later; the first story of what would eventually become Director Who.

Now, I had more to do with my older cousin. Throughout most of the '90s, I saw him as my rival in everything; he was to me as Gary Motherfucking Oak was to Ash. Just, it felt like he was better than me in every regard; he had cooler toys, he got all of the hottest new video games while I was stuck renting them several times over, he didn't have as strict of a bedtime, he could watch all of the shows my mom wouldn't let me, and he was 11.9 months older than me  (There is exactly a single week in the year where he and I are technically the same age; it was a glorious moment where I felt like we were on equal ground)...but, in spite of everything, there was some sense of respect between us.

Now, around '02, things would change; he went through a phase where he was impossible to be around, as he not only hated everything I loved (Him talking trash about Nintendo games I loved because "ERMAHGERD PHINAL PHANTASY TEEN", among other things), but he also took cheap pot shots (He was more than eager to throw aside "childish" things I still enjoyed, to learn how to use Microsoft Access and play "edgy, mature" games like Unreal Tournament, Quake II, and Kingdom Hearts) and liked to rub it in that he was better than me in every single way. However, around '06 or so, he finally mellowed out and became easier to talk to...and easy to troll, as I liked to piss him off in Soul Calibur by juggling his character to death. These days, he's living in Arizona and is working in rocket science; I will admit, I am jealous of him, but I've basically come to terms that mom's family will always idolize him, no matter what I do, so there's no real point in getting worked up over it. Basically, screw them; I have a DS and copies of Giana Sisters and Pokemon X to help me ignore them.

My younger cousin is the one I've spent the most time around...and admittedly, in his younger days, he was kind of a pain in the ass. I mean, there was trying to play with him in any capacity (With action figures, he was always unfair; all his characters could fly and had +99 evasion, so my characters never stood a chance. Also, with multiplayer video games, if he couldn't beat me, he'd resort to cheating). and there was my bright idea to run a series of challenges on the various games we had for the Genesis (That clusterfuck is deserving of its own spotlight). He also had a tendency to get game titles wrong when he was younger, to my confusion (Super Smash Bros. became "Mario Fight", and most baffling of all, Sonic the Hedgehog 3 became "Mega" (My only guess there is he thought it was a Mega Man game)). Admittedly, it could sometimes be fun playing with him, and he was the one to introduce me to Danny Phantom; a show I was sceptical about at first, but ended up loving.  Oh, and there was also the time I taught him to say "WAZZUP?" (From a series of really stupid beer commercials), which irritated my aunt. So, in spite of some bullshit, I'm fine with him.

My youngest cousin...I was never a big fan of. My earliest memory of her was actually shortly before she was born; my aunt was in the maternity ward, and I went with mom to visit...and it was hot as fuck in the room, which lead to me puking (Also not helped by the ultrasound creeping me out). I also remember my aunt trying to explain to me where babies come from...but even I, as a 7-year-old with no knowledge of sex, knew better than to believe her when she told me that "babies come out of the nose". Now, as for the cousin in question, she was often kinda creepy; I remember riding in the car with her one time, and she showed absolutely no emotion at all, or any sign of life; she was perfectly still and staring off into space, not blinking or saying a word. There was also her being a brat; I remember her stomping on my foot for no reason, and I got in trouble for yelling at her about it, as there's no way this perfect little angel could do any wrong...and when she was involved with a game her brother and I were playing, she'd complain if I had some sort of power or ability that she deemed unfair, while her brother could have the same exact powers and it'd be fine. Playing with her usually sucked, and I tried to avoid it. These days...she hasn't really changed much; she's older, but many of her weird tendencies are still present, even if they're not as obvious. Also, she idolizes Sarah Palin.

The last thing I wanted to bring up, as briefly mentioned when talking about my younger cousin, was the time I decided to run a series of video game challenges with him, during a Saturday when I was there for a garage sale at our grandmother's house. We ran a series of challenges, where the games were issued to us at random, and we had to complete some challenge in each one; the person that completes the most will get to go first on playing Sonic & Knuckles (The one game that had to be left out of the challenges; its unusual cartridge made it far too easy to pick out). Ultimately, he won by completing all 4 challenges (I practically gave him the win, as he ended up with some games I did not like...and I got stuck with a shitty football game, as Street Fighter II was banned), so he got to go first; the agreement that, once someone runs out of lives, they pass the controller to the next person. He didn't make it very far before he ran out of lives, so controls went to me; as I made it further into the first level than I had ever been before, nearing the end...when he, completely forgetting the arrangement, began to throw a fit over how I'm taking a longer turn than he got, and he should get to play now, being completely deaf to reasoning.

Then, my aunt storms into the room, demanding I act better and let her son play, and as always, she saw me as a stupid child; I try to explain what's going on, but it's all just lies, excuses, and "back-talking" in her eyes. I'm already pretty pissed off, but am trying to ignore everyone and just beat this damn boss I was on...when she made the mistake of turning off the TV on me; I throw down the controller in rage, and she flips her shit; forcing me to leave the room. Crying, I confront mom, and try to explain what the hell is going on...but the aunt shows up and cuts me off by loudly telling everyone that I was "bullying" her children and "threw the Nintendo at her", as everyone sided with her, even my own mother (She did later ask me to explain what really happened, although the damage had been done by that point). I was now banned from ever playing on that Genesis ever again; preventing me from finishing Sonic 3, which given that game was my life back then, this was soul-crushing...but, hope was not yet lost; for I made enough money from selling some of my old toys at the garage sale to go down to Office Depot and pick up Sonic & Knuckles Collection, which was conveniently on clearance for half-off when I got there. I may have to start over, but at least I could continue playing and see it through to the end.

Also, I would have the last laugh in regards to the Genesis; a few months later, everyone forgot what happened, so I quietly returned to playing it. After a while, since I was the only one still playing with it, my grandmother let me take it home. So, in spite of the bullshit, it at least ended on a happy note.

EDIT: You know, I didn't even intend for this post to be this long; it just sort of happened ^^;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on January 03, 2016, 08:41:58 pm
i'm glad your oldest cousin got out and is (hopefully) happy. it still shocks me how backward some of your family can be, especially with you turning out as liberal as you did. we need to get you up here ASAP. ><;

Cousins (Mum's Side):

Erin: Oldest. one of the Burkes, and goddamn does she know it. take the whitest, most catholic rich girl you can find, make her a schoolteacher, and keep her obsessed with keeping up the rich image, and you get Erin. not outright malicious, but she knows the art of gossip and backhanded compliments well. EXTREMELY condescending, even to her own siblings, and so much of a suck-up for her parents' approval it's gross. also has a tendency to pawn her kids off on her mother all the time, when her mother is in her 60's now and has frequent migraines. >>;

Christina: Oldest Shelzi, pretty sure she's the second oldest of the cousins overall. i (sort of???) respect how far she's come in life, and how much she's rebounded from the trouble she was in for nearly a decade, but otherwise she's a bitchy slob with little motivation and no discipline. i probably wouldn't hate her as much as i do if she'd a) clean up her messes at my grandpa's; b) actually STICK to something she starts, whether it be school, training, etc; c) be a bit more courteous about living at my grandpa's, she lives there rent-free and doesn't really have much to do with him, doesn't pay for her food, doesn't help with cleaning and cooks rarely (and when she does it's kind of a disaster since she cooks for 10), d) get off her fucking high horse and stop being so goddamn sensitive to others' comments, or at least stop pitching fits about it, e) stop eavesdropping on conversations, f) quit acting like a condescending bitch to me, just because you're older does NOT make you wiser girl

Kelly: Erin's sister, middle child of the Burkes. MUCH more down to earth than her sister, much more liberal. Still hard to relate to due to age, but i don't dislike her.

Buck: Youngest burke, only son. has a bad temper but is otherwise quite nice and down to earth. seems to treat me more like a person and less like a kid than most of my cousins. i respect him quite a bit, but we have nothing in common. :0

Joey: Middle Shelzi. bit younger than my sister, a few months. Nice, friendly guy who's overcome his past to become an excellent father, partner to his child's mother and business owner. he's responsible, polite, and i respect him deeply. i think he can have a temper, and is a bit Jersey-Shore style superficial, but has matured a bit in recent years. we still have nothing in common, but i'd have to say, out of my cousins on my mum's side, i probably like him the most. ^^

Maria: Youngest Shelzi, about 2-3 years older than me. Sets off my sister to no end (they have similar mental issues and unfortunately tend to develop a bit of a feedback loop without outside interference), and has QUITE a bratty history, but seems to be coming around a bit, especially now that she has a son. is high a LOT of the time, and that's always been off-putting. is super-caring and responsible about her son, though, which is great since he has a rare and bad genetic disorder. she's gotten much better than she was, and like her brother and sister has overcome her past wonderfully. she's even got more steady employment now, which is nice for her. i don't really get along with her super-well, though, since she can sometimes be just as condescending as her sister, and will sometimes confide in me/my sister about her woes relating to Christina, but when we try to lament our woes about her, she goes back and tells Christina. also have nothing in common, again. :\

i'd post about the cousins on my dad's side, but i've only met them once, and didn't even meet all of them. ><;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on January 03, 2016, 09:19:07 pm
I think you can thank me spending so much time online for turning out the way I did; I mean, there was a time when I leaned more conservative, given that was all I knew, but much like the phase where I genuinely thought the Donkey Kong Country cartoon was good, I grew out of it.

As for the cousins on my dad's side, it is a lot simpler (Just 3: one first cousin, and two second cousins), but I suppose there wasn't as interesting of dynamics as there was with mom's family, as I actually got along with them with no issues. In fact, I used to spend a lot of time around my second cousins when I was little; my great aunt (Their grandma) seemed to always have snacks on-hand for whenever my sister and I came over :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on January 05, 2016, 12:38:22 pm
that's so sweet. she sounds like a lovely woman. ^^
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: LeaflameSD on January 09, 2016, 05:06:36 pm
so uhm

there's this cute girl who works at the subway in my area
when i'm in there she looks at me a lot
and then when we make eye contact, she smiles like rly playfully
sometimes when we talk it feels like she's very subtly flirting with me

w0t does this mean? do you guys think she's interested in me, or am I just being paranoid? (a_a)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on January 11, 2016, 01:33:36 pm
Not that I'm especially qualified to give advice on detecting flirting, but I think it can be hard to tell, some people are just naturally warm and friendly in ways that are easy to mistake for flirting. Try to observe how she interacts with other people, if possible, to see if it's a usual part of her personality or specific to you. And obviously reciprocate her kindness and see if she tries to get closer / open up to you.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: LeaflameSD on January 11, 2016, 02:34:38 pm
around other people, she's just in normal business mode i guess
its weird
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on January 12, 2016, 03:09:02 pm
she might be flirting with you, bro. if she's especially cold and business-y with other customers she might dig you. but i'm terrible at guessing these things (though i've been hit on my fair share of times, so this kind of seems like it). ;v;

only trouble is, how do you approach her? you can't really give her your number when she's at work, yeah? :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: LeaflameSD on January 12, 2016, 04:19:05 pm
well i guess that settles it, then.

only trouble is... i'm quite shy when it comes to these things. should i just ask her, regardless of whether she's at work or alone?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: LeaflameSD on January 14, 2016, 04:55:26 am
halp pls
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Pitkin on January 14, 2016, 08:28:28 am
Quote from: Ye Olde Swagfag on January 14, 2016, 04:55:26 am
halp pls


This sums up my life perfectly. Sorry, no advice to give, just wanted to express that.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on January 14, 2016, 12:41:16 pm
Quote from: Ye Olde Swagfag on January 14, 2016, 04:55:26 am
halp pls


Again, I can't say I'm the best person to give romantic advice, but I'd suggest continuing to talk with her when you can, and when the moment feels right (i.e. she's not busy, seems open and friendly and interested in what you have to say) maybe ask if she wants to hang out sometime outside of work. I'd avoid putting romantic pressure on her and try to frame it as a friendly meeting, rather than a date. If you can hang out together you can get to know each other better, you can then decide if you want to try to make things romantic.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: LeaflameSD on January 14, 2016, 12:47:17 pm
bella you're a star m8
you're a star :3

i will try to see if i can meet her again
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on January 22, 2016, 03:46:31 pm
good luck! and if you get friend-zoned, feel what you feel, but also cherish that you've made a new friend. :3
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on January 22, 2016, 04:47:16 pm
@Leaf: Hope it goes well \ went well, if you've already talked to her

You know, I was talking with my sister about the moving plans, and while some of her advice is pretty sound, I think one of the biggest issues is how she really is a poor judge of character when it comes to some people. Like, she feels even if you trust someone, to not trust them fully because she's had so many people she trusted stab her in the back...and here I am; I barely trust anyone because of the bullshit I endured as a kid, so if I say I actually trust someone, I genuinely mean it.

The problem is, she's too easily trusting of others; I'll give that her last roommate before her father-in-law moved in was one that surprised me that he turned out to be an asshole, but one of her previous roommates was like the physical embodiment of "untrustworthy douchebag", and yet I was just putting too much thought into it and how she kept telling me that "he's not like that; he's a good person and you just don't understand him", until something happened that she finally began to see what I was talking about this entire time (Because, why would I trust this prick that thinks I'm a "loser" that needs his guidance to become a "real man" and end up going to prison several times). Also, back when bro-in-law still worked at Pizza Hut, and I had problems with a coworker, my sister always played devil's advocate; she'd try to convince me that the person in question is not a bad person because blah-blah-blah, until she or bro-in-law takes issue with that person, and then it's ok for me to complain about them. I admit, some people I judged too harshly at first, some of whom ended up becoming good friends once we found some common ground, but others I was spot-on.

But, yeah. I can understand being cautious just in case an emergency comes up and I need to quickly move out, but I really don't think I have to worry about it quite as much as she thinks. Still, I think I might need a U-Haul trailer, if only because of how bulky some of my stuff is (Also, I don't want to pack down the trunk too much, just in case I need to get to the spare tire).
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on January 22, 2016, 04:57:46 pm
you need a U-Haul. also, your sister needs a talking to about being naive in intrapersonal relationships. :0
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on January 22, 2016, 11:12:19 pm
Indeed @ both. As far as my sister, I can understand her concerns, but I don't think I need to be as overly paranoid as she says I should be; I mean, you and Steve aren't the kind of people that are going to jack my stuff to buy meth, like one of her former roommates did >>;

As for the U-Haul, I just need to figure out where I can get a hitch installed on my car and how much renting a small trailer. I can't take everything, as I don't want to overload it, but I'll be able to knock out a lot of the major stuff (2k, my TV, and maybe my bookshelves, too, among other things)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Fedora-Tan on January 23, 2016, 12:33:06 am
Quote from: Penti-chan on January 22, 2016, 04:47:16 pm
Like, she feels even if you trust someone, to not trust them fully because she's had so many people she trusted stab her in the back...


I strongly believed you could trust fully someone, the one you love. Seems i'm going to have that stab soon... v_v At least i hope she'll be happy if it's her choice :/
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on January 23, 2016, 01:06:55 am
...is everything ok? I haven't heard anything from you or Pit in a while :[
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Fedora-Tan on January 23, 2016, 02:23:27 am
I'm not sure a public place is the right spot to talk about it, but can't really say it's "ok". I've the feeling Pit wants to put distance, but maybe it's because of me. I would like her to believe i want to stay with her but i'm not sure she wants. I hope it's just some kind of big misunderstanding :(

Could help talking with someone, i guess.

Quote from: Ye Olde Swagfag on January 14, 2016, 04:55:26 am
halp pls


Quote from: PipPitkin on January 14, 2016, 08:28:28 am
This sums up my life perfectly. Sorry, no advice to give, just wanted to express that.


--> I would say, same.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on January 23, 2016, 03:25:20 pm
I'm not sure I'm qualified to give relationship advice, and I'm not sure it's my place to give advice even if I were...

But have you talked with a professional (counselor, etc.) about whatever problems you're going through?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Fedora-Tan on January 23, 2016, 05:43:17 pm
Quote from: Bella on January 23, 2016, 03:25:20 pm
I'm not sure I'm qualified to give relationship advice, and I'm not sure it's my place to give advice even if I were...

But have you talked with a professional (counselor, etc.) about whatever problems you're going through?


Well for that part i think we prefer to rely on our own feelings. It may lead to wrong end but at least we'll have the feeling it's our choice. Of course i sort of expect same opinion from her even if i cannot be 100% sure :) It's quite our way of life.

EDIT : Talked to her this morning by phone, she seemed ok. I was so happy to talk to her ^_^ I've good feeling this is going to go nicely in the end. I want to believe in it anyway !

@Pit : I love you !
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Pitkin on January 25, 2016, 11:02:56 am
Fedora-Tan and I've had a bit of a hard time recently, but we're trying to make things work out. It's complicated but I hope and believe it's going to be all right.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on January 25, 2016, 12:16:44 pm
I hope everything works out :)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on January 29, 2016, 09:50:52 pm
all my best to both of you. please, even if you're concerned about airing out dirty laundry, counseling can help if you need it. don't be afraid to reach out to someone experienced in this. but it'll only work if both of you want it to. ;^;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Pitkin on March 09, 2016, 05:11:45 pm
I believe it's only right to post a small update here.

Fedora-Tan and I are filing for divorce and separation. Thanks all for kind words for us, the fate was not on our side.

I suppose my queer side claim this caucus at the end.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on March 10, 2016, 10:59:11 pm
I hope you're both okay. It's a very intimate matter, so keep it private if you want/need/prefer to. All my best.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on March 11, 2016, 12:36:25 am
I agree with Kari completely. I don't really know what else to say, just that I hope the two of you are doing okay.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Fedora-Tan on March 11, 2016, 02:24:17 am
That's okay i guess, better like that in the end. Clean end.

Now if anyone is interested in a **cough** super handsome **cough** and smart guy ... >_>; ^o^
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: LeaflameSD on March 11, 2016, 04:36:23 am
so uhh
i confessed to someone and she basically ignored it

the friendzone is a ruthless realm
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on March 12, 2016, 07:41:46 pm
don't worry, your time will come, both of you. :0
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Fedora-Tan on March 14, 2016, 01:12:23 pm
Absolutely not worried. Not for me, at least. Kind of a "waste" feeling, just.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 24, 2016, 09:41:52 pm
i feel a bit like this box we're living in might be putting a strain on me and Steve. we're not in jeopardy of breaking up, but we've had to have a few long talks in the past few months due to stress and lack of communication. the space issue and not knowing where the hell either of our jobs are going certainly aren't helping. so i'm iiiiitching to get out of here. at the very least, i miss having at least a sink or drain. >>;


so, yeah. in case anyone was wondering where the 'me and Steve' front is. shaddup Kari, no one cares~
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on April 24, 2016, 09:49:45 pm
Mmm. TBH, that situation is also frustrating for me, as I find it hard to motivate myself to put money into savings when I haven't the slightest idea when I'll be able to move. Was hoping for the summer, but that's feeling less likely each passing day :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 24, 2016, 09:51:23 pm
i know, that's another squeeze i'm feeling as of late. letting you know now, Steve is more interested in getting our situation figured out than giving you updates. not in a rude way, more in a "we need to get our shit settled before we bring another person into this" way. :0

i'm getting really anxious to get a place, though, not just for the reasons above, but also because my sister keeps threatening to keep my cat....
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on April 24, 2016, 10:00:45 pm
Mmm. TBH, I suppose it does give me time to clean up my room, and maybe I can eventually motivate myself to start putting money into savings again :\
(Well, whatever I get from my load tomorrow will go into savings)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 24, 2016, 10:02:29 pm
good on ya! i'm trying to give you as many updates as possible, but we've basically had jack shit recently. what with my hours going down and Steve's job suddenly going Schrodinger we just have no idea. :0
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Aurora Borealis on April 24, 2016, 11:31:12 pm
Quote from: PipPitkin on March 09, 2016, 05:11:45 pm
I believe it's only right to post a small update here.

Fedora-Tan and I are filing for divorce and separation. Thanks all for kind words for us, the fate was not on our side.

I suppose my queer side claim this caucus at the end.


I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out. :( Sometimes marriages just don't work out, without it being either person's fault. I hope it goes smoothly at least and that you two can still be friends.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: LeaflameSD on April 25, 2016, 04:31:59 am
when you're still crushing on someone
(http://pixel.nymag.com/imgs/daily/following/2016/01/29/squidward_dab.w1200.h630.jpg)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on April 28, 2016, 01:38:41 pm
good luck, swag! :0
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: LeaflameSD on April 29, 2016, 03:07:12 am
Quote from: Chocofreak13 on April 28, 2016, 01:38:41 pm
good luck, swag! :0

thx gochujinsama
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Goujer on June 21, 2016, 06:07:10 pm
I grew some balls and tried to flirt with a girl that I liked, it turned out she was lesbian. It was at that moment I realized that every girl I've liked since highschool or asked out since highschool (about 4) has either been lesbian or bisexual in a lesbian relationship. What does this mean about my standards for women, or me?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on June 21, 2016, 10:47:14 pm
Not sure, though I know I can relate; it feels like, every time I take interest in someone, they're always in a relationship currently
(I'm not too sure on how I'd feel if they were single but a lesbian, as in spite of my gender identity, I do appear as an ordinary male :\)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on January 29, 2017, 10:18:27 am
quick version: mid-August last year: Steve breaks up with me and moves to Florida
4 days after breakup: I end up in ER due to panic attacks; start seeing a therapist by the end of the month, am prescribed anxiety pills, depression pills, anti-nausea pills
Sept - Jan: Steve and I talk, he talks less, I get mad, we stop talking, life changes for both of us (for example, i'm moving and have entered college)
Jan: Steve spends copious amount of time around cute girl; realizes she's quite a bit like me; realizes he fucked up
texts me
we get back together

TL;DR: Steve and I broke up, he took some time to get his head together, is moving back here to Rindge with me, is super-anxious to see me again so we can have a cuddle party
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on January 29, 2017, 11:33:18 am
Nice -w-

Meanwhile, I'm still lonely. Granted, there was this one girl at work interested in me, but she was creepy as fuck; just deciding out of the blue that I'm her boyfriend. Thankfully, she dropped it, and apparently hooked up with someone else and left the job.
(TBH, if she kept persisting, I was likely going to bribe Kari or someone into pretending to be my girlfriend, just to get her off my back. Although, I don't think I could afford to mail Kari all 100+ volumes of One Piece to date in exchange for her services ^^; )
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Red-Machine on January 29, 2017, 11:34:28 am
I'm still single.  It seems like any time I getl close to someone I can realistically have a relationship with, I do something to screw it up and I'm back to square one again.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on January 29, 2017, 11:48:41 am
That sucks :[

As I mentioned months ago, my biggest problem is that, when I find someone I'm interested in, they're almost always in a relationship, while the only people to take interest in me are total creeps that I wouldn't want to go anywhere near >>;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: LeaflameSD on January 29, 2017, 02:21:29 pm
@Kari: That's kind of touching o3o

I asked a girl who I'm really close with if she would go out with me, and she said the distance would kill her... if that wasn't the case, I would be "hers". Other than that, things are going exactly as expected; nowhere.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on January 30, 2017, 07:56:21 pm
@Swaggy: thanks. ;v;
keep her as a friend. build that relationship, and if the spark is real, it might turn into something. if you get closer with her, approach her again about it in a few months.


@Red, Pent: i'm not really an expert on how to get dates

but have you tried shoving notes at them and running away


@Pent: she was creepy, you wouldn't have to have bribed me. ~__~;;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: LeaflameSD on January 31, 2017, 03:55:10 am
@Choco: I will definitely try to build our friendship. Thanks for the advice

Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on January 31, 2017, 10:48:15 am
@Kari: I'd consider if they were single, but if they're already in a relationship, I don't want to interfere; I'm not the kind of person to try and get a couple to break up for my own benefit
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on February 01, 2017, 05:53:32 pm
Quote from: Red-Machine on January 29, 2017, 11:34:28 amI'm still single.  It seems like any time I getl close to someone I can realistically have a relationship with, I do something to screw it up and I'm back to square one again.

If you don't mind me asking, what do you think you screw up?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Red-Machine on February 01, 2017, 06:45:12 pm
I have no concrete idea, just vague guesses.  The problem with being autistic is you generally don't get what you're doing is wrong, either while you're doing it or afterwards.  I can be pretty clingy with someone I like, I'm extreme in my passion for my hobbies and some people don't like being infodumped on, and I have the social grace of a bull in a china shop.  I'm just not easy to get along with.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: LeaflameSD on February 02, 2017, 09:53:50 am
Quote from: Red-Machine on February 01, 2017, 06:45:12 pmI have no concrete idea, just vague guesses.  The problem with being autistic is you generally don't get what you're doing is wrong, either while you're doing it or afterwards.  I can be pretty clingy with someone I like, I'm extreme in my passion for my hobbies and some people don't like being infodumped on, and I have the social grace of a bull in a china shop.  I'm just not easy to get along with.
As someone with autism, I can understand where you're coming from
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on February 02, 2017, 08:01:37 pm
much as I don't like to homogenize, sometimes it's easier to find people with the same situation. one of the reasons Steve and I meshed (and hopefully will continue to mesh) so well is because, though he's never confirmed it, i'm pretty sure he's a greysexual like me. :0


I told my coworkers about Steve coming back and one of them immediately facepalmed. xD;;;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on February 03, 2017, 01:10:11 pm
So, as I went over my experience with Wild Wild West in Top(ic)less, I started to think about something only loosely connected: has a relative of yours ever had a wedding, that you weren't told about until either after the fact or at a point where you already have plans lined up?

Because, that aunt that told my mom to not let me see the aforementioned movie had only just married into the family. We were told about her and my uncle getting married...but, we didn't know until we already had tickets to go to Six Flags, so we didn't attend. Many years later, after she passed away, my uncle remarried...and surprise-surprise, we don't know about the wedding until we already had plans for that weekend ^^;
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on February 05, 2017, 12:57:56 am
@Red and Swag ... I wish I could give advice, but I don't really know what the right course of action is. Kari makes a good point about trying to seek out like-minded people, maybe then you would be less prone to misunderstandings.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Chocofreak13 on February 08, 2017, 06:17:26 pm
@pent: I don't think it's so much the Aunts in this case, as it is your Uncle being a weirdo. :\
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on February 08, 2017, 10:12:07 pm
True; we've often joked about him being a scrambled egg xD (His initials were almost "EGG", until someone pointed it out to Grandma and Grandpa way back when; so they decided to switch the first and middle names around)
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Goujer on June 25, 2017, 01:34:34 am
Everytime I lay in bed and look at Nanami Madobe on a pillow lying next to me and feel a deep sense of loneliness and desire to replace that pillow with a real girl.

I want to get a girlfriend with similar interests to me but everyone at work it over 40 and the closest any of roommates has come to dating a girl is getting piss drunk and touch a girls breast consentually (so nothing); and because my parents think that no girls would ever touch a videogame with a 10 foot pole, I have no where else to go for dating advice from real humans then here. If all else fails there is Wiki-How but I would like to keep that a last resort.

Anyone know where I can meet "gamer girls" as the hip hot with it and now hooligans say? There is a Barcade (Bar+Arcade) a little bit away from me, would that be a good place to start?
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Penti-chan on June 25, 2017, 12:20:45 pm
That could be a start, yeah. I do know the feeling; generally, if I find someone with similar interests to me, they're almost always taken, and most of the people attracted to me are creeps that will go after anything that moves, and given the area I'm in, they'd probably kick me to the curb the second they learned anything about me -__-;

Not helping is that I'm not in a safe enough environment to explore myself and figure out who I am, on top of the fact that I feel like I'll never find anyone until after I move because I simply don't fit in with the area I've been dumped in...but it's been 5 years and I'm no closer to getting out of here.
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: LeaflameSD on July 14, 2017, 05:19:52 pm
i have a cute finnish tsundere gf now
things could be worse i guess
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: Bella on July 16, 2017, 11:43:06 pm
Quote from: Le-Goujer on June 25, 2017, 01:34:34 amEverytime I lay in bed and look at Nanami Madobe on a pillow lying next to me and feel a deep sense of loneliness and desire to replace that pillow with a real girl.

I want to get a girlfriend with similar interests to me but everyone at work it over 40 and the closest any of roommates has come to dating a girl is getting piss drunk and touch a girls breast consentually (so nothing); and because my parents think that no girls would ever touch a videogame with a 10 foot pole, I have no where else to go for dating advice from real humans then here. If all else fails there is Wiki-How but I would like to keep that a last resort.

Anyone know where I can meet "gamer girls" as the hip hot with it and now hooligans say? There is a Barcade (Bar+Arcade) a little bit away from me, would that be a good place to start?

Having never specifically sought out a like-minded partner, I can't really give firm advice here. However, going to places where like-minded women might be found (like the barcade) is probably a good idea. Also consider getting involved in 'nerdy' clubs/orgs at your school, though there is the obvious flaw that the men-to-women ratio is probably going to be badly imbalanced against your favor, depending on what kind of organization it is.

Also think about online communities. Obviously this isn't the best idea if you're strictly against an LDR, but if you're willing it's a good way to find people with similar interests, which can lead to a friendship, which can lead to a romance, if the conditions are right and the chemistry is there.

Quote from: Ye Olde Swagfag on July 14, 2017, 05:19:52 pmi have a cute finnish tsundere gf now
things could be worse i guess

Congrats man!
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: LeaflameSD on July 17, 2017, 02:47:30 pm
thank you, bella
owo
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: zjhentohlauedy on July 25, 2017, 11:55:14 pm
tsundere GF. that's either really scary or Really good D8
Title: Re: Relationships
Post by: LeaflameSD on July 31, 2017, 04:49:20 pm
Quote from: zjhentohlauedy on July 25, 2017, 11:55:14 pmtsundere GF. that's either really scary or Really good D8
its both ;3