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The funny/random text thread

Started by Kami-Tux, March 20, 2007, 10:02:31 pm

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Kami-Tux

Any funny texts, poems, jokes, ASCII art, goes here:

JabberWin2K
(with apologies to Lewis Carroll)
'Twas Ballmer and the slithey Gates,
Did FUD and fumble in the press.
All colored were the CRT's
With Blue Screens of Death.
"Beware the Windows troll, my son!
The Drestin Black, the Smith named Chris!
Beware the Mulligan and shun
The frumious sponge and S!"
He took his GPL in hand
Long time the open source he sought --
So rested he, by the CVS tree,
And stood awhile in thought.
And as in GNUish thought he stood,
The Windows troll, with post of flame,
Came whining down the Usenet feed,
And FUDed as he came!
One, two! One, two! And through and through,
The killfile *PLONK* went snicker-snack!
He marked it read, reply unsaid,
And went GPLing back.
"And hast thou spurned the Windows troll?
Come to my arms, my Linux boy!
O KDE! O Gnome and E!"
(He chortled at Bill Joy.)
'Twas Ballmer and the slithey Gates,
Did FUD and fumble in the press.
All colored were the CRT's
With Blue Screens of Death.

--------

Okay, this one is ooooooold, but IMHO good:

The Better Model
Words: (c) Steven Levine, 1983, Music: Gilbert & Sullivan - The Modern Major General
I've built a better model than the one at Data General
For databases vegetable, animal, and mineral;
My OS handles CPU's with multiplexed duality,
My PL/1 compiler shows impressive functionality.
My storage system's better than magnetic core polarity;
You needn't even bother checking out a bit for parity;
There isn't any reason to install non-static floor matting;
My disk drive has capacity for variable formatting.
His disk drive has capacity for variable formatting;
His disk drive has capacity for variable formatting;
His disk drive has capacity for variable format-formatting.
I feel compelled to mention what I know to be a gloating point;
There's lots of space in memory for variables floating point,
Which shows for input vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I've built a better model than the one at Data General.
Which shows for input vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He's built a better model than the one at Data General.
The IBM new home computer's nothing more than germinal,
At Prime they still have trouble with an interactive terminal;
While Tandy's done a lousy job with operations Boolean,
At Wang the byte capacity's too small to fit a coolie in.
Intel's mid-year finances are something of the trouble sort;
The Timex-Sinclair crashes when you implement a bubble sort;
All DEC investors soon will find they haven't spent their money well;
And need I even mention Nixdorf, Univac, or Honeywell?
And need he even mention Nixdorf, Univac, or Honeywell?
And need he even mention Nixdorf, Univac, or Honeywell?
And need he even mention Nixdorf, Univac, or Honey-Honeywell?
By striving to eliminate all source code that's repetitive
I've brought my benchmark standings to results that are competitive.
In short, for input vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I've built a better model than the one at Data General.
In short, for input vegetable animal, and mineral,
He's built a better model than the one at Data General.
In fact, when I've a Winchester of minimum diameter,
When I can call a subroutine of infinite parameter,
When I can point to registers and keep their current map around,
And when I can prevent the need for mystifying wraparound,
When I can update record blocks with minimum of suffering,
And when I can afford to use a hundred K for buffering,
When I've performed a matrix sort and tested the addition rate,
You'll marvel at the speed of my asynchronous transmission rate.
You'll marvel at the speed of his asynchronous transmission rate.
You'll marvel at the speed of his asynchronous transmission rate.
You'll marvel at the speed of his asynchronous transmission-mission rate.
Though all my better programs that self-reference recursively
Have only been obtained through expert spying, done subversively,
But still, for input vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I've built a better model than the one at Data General.
But still, for input vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He's built a better model than the one at Data General.

both from: http://www.geocities.com/krishna_kunchith/humor/computer.html

------------------------------
The Scientists' Party
Author unknown
Top scientists were invited to a party, and they all replied stating whether or not they could attend...
Ampere was worried he wasn't current.
Audobon said he'd have to wing it.
Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
Darwin waited to see what evolved.
Descartes said he'd think about it.
Dr Jekyll declined-he hadn't been feeling himself lately.
Edison thought it would be illuminating.
Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.
Hawking tried to string enough time together to make space in his schedule.
Heisenberg was uncertain that he could make it.
Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency.
Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out.
Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now, must dash."
Newton planned to drop in.
Ohm resisted the idea.
Pavlov was drooling at the thought.
Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
Schrodinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he?
Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
Volta was electrified, and Archimedes buoyant at the thought.
Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.

From: http://baetzler.de/humor/scientists_party.html


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